


Tracks in the Snow

by 93rdfragment



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Animal Death, Character Death, Dark Fantasy, M/M, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 19:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 85,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4405307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/93rdfragment/pseuds/93rdfragment
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the 20th night of the 12th month of Hrívëlúmë 1992, Kyungsoo was born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Runya Minë

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

It was under the covers of the dark night sky that a babe was born. Within the stone walls of a small house—onmar is what the people call their dwelling—a woman cradled in her quivering arms a crying child. The small creature's wails slowly quieted down as gentle coos from his mother soothed him. She paid no heed to her unruly black hair and bloodied bed. Her dark brown eyes welled up with tears at the same time her nose became tinged with red, and her lips stretched to a shaky smile. The salty tears fell when, once she sang a little to him, smaller but fuller lips gave a smile of their own.

A man came up to their side in a rush of relief and joy when the Málantë bid him in after having waited so long on the other side of the room's door. His hair was just as messy as his wife's and just as black. Blue eyes met brown ones for confirmation that what was happening was indeed real. The high-pitched gurgling noises did it for them. Both parents marveled at the wide eyes that seemed to watch them curiously, looking at where their voices are, and the small hands that clung onto their fingers.

"You will want to feed him now or he will cry again soon," the Málantë reminded the woman, cleaning up all that had been used during the birth. "And I will leave you a laiquë that will aid you in nursing. Chew on them. And envinyatala to drink for pain."

A clump of light blue leaves in a small bowl and a bottle of clear liquid were placed down, on the table at a corner of the room, as the Málantë spoke. His wise eyes, a little wrinkled at the edges, looked upon them with fondness. Such a lovely picture of warmth is surely one of the best he could ever see in his work. Healing the sick has sometimes proven to be dreary and taxing upon his 38 year old mind. Helping a babe out into the world was a more festive occasion. The young couple smiled gratefully at him and offered him a late dinner with an insistent 'Please stay, Málantë.' He shook them off despite whatever pleas they said.

"Now is not the time to repay me, Seokju." The Málantë was stern in his dismissal by then. But he smiled once more when the two nodded in acceptance. "Well, Misun, what will you name the babe? A bright one he is."

Misun, the woman, looked down at her child. She regarded him in thought and what she got was a babble and a hand on her nose. He was bright indeed and plenty lovely. "Kyungsoo. Your name is Kyungsoo."

As she traced her forefinger against his cheek and called him again, Kyungsoo made a delighted noise. It soon dwindled into crying. He was hungry. His parents laughed heartily and the Málantë commented at how easily displeased he also was. Misun made to feed Kyungsoo and the Málantë went on his way. Seokju placed another warm blanket around his family. There was a silver flame on another corner of the room, within a small enclosed space, for heating. The smoke that left the burning branches was pleasant smelling. It lulled the inhabitants of the onmar to sleep eventually as tiredness took hold of all three.

So it was that, on the 20th night of the 12th month of Hrívëlúmë 1992, Kyungsoo was born.

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

Hrívë has always been covered in snow, the whole land in constant winter. That was the first thing Kyungsoo learned as soon as he could understand words. And even before that, his body already understood that it was unfailingly cold. The town they lived in was called Lossëirin. His parents told him in vibrant tales of adventure and mystery, for the entertainment of his young mind, how they were located in the furthest northwestern part of the land and how the earliest townspeople battled with the wild beasts of the forest and claimed their homes right where they were. Kyungsoo's red cheeks tinted with excitement and wide eyes filled with fascination were always his parents' favorite part of telling him tall tales. That young plump face staring at them in wonder was a jewel.

It was an opinion held by everyone in their secluded town. They had even given him the nickname of 'Ancalima', the brightest, saying that the ever kind Isil has given them one of her precious stars to keep and treasure. Surely, whenever they saw him running about the irendë, playing in the snow, greeting each person politely, they had all thought of the same thing. He was a good kid and his smile was infectious. Even kids his age admitted to it, some grudgingly. Simply said, everyone was besotted by the young child's appearance and bearing. In turn, he was easily awed by the workings of the town.

He watched the mámandili and the ollië with an inquisitive nature as they toiled away at the laipalar, a plot of land in their town untouched by stone establishments. He wondered and asked how the plants grew out of the blanket of snow on half of the laipalar. 'Aren't they cold? Should we not give them little coats?' His commentaries drew out laughter. The ollië, people in charge of growing edible and medicinal vorolvar, had answered him with a simple 'Sairina (magic), Ancalima. Vorolvar have sairina in them.' After that, his eyes seemingly sparkled like twin stars as he turned again to the array of blues and silvers, whites and greys, purples and rare blacks. He had continued to stare for a long time, itching to touch the young vorolvar, until one woman patted his hair that shone in the dim sunlight. He went on to ask about the mámar, sheep-like creatures with very long coats of wool.

"Do not mámar eat vorolvar, heri?" He addresses her with a general honorific for women that shows his politeness and knack for being a conversationalist. His brows then met each other in puzzlement as he gazed at the fenced in mámar. "Would not they jump over and eat the vorolvar?"

The woman, a mámandil, smiled before she gestured over to her and the other mámandili's flock. They were in charge of looking after the mámar, tending to them and carefully taking wool from them when the right time came. "They are gentle creatures, little Kyungsoo. And obedient. We have spoken to them."

"What did you say to them? What did they tell you?" His words rushed out of his little mouth. All of his attention was now on the middle-aged woman, Hwayoung. He almost climbed up on her lap like he did whenever his mother told him stories, but he stayed put on the bench that overlooked the laipalar made for the mámandili's and the ollië's resting.

"Oh, I am not sure if I should tell you. It is a secret." She acted as if she was contemplating deeply, conflicted on what to do. She peered at him through the edge of her eyes and almost choked as she gulped down a laugh.

Kyungsoo looked desperate, big eyes shined with tears and hands clasped in front of his chest. "Please tell me! I promise to keep it a secret. I will not tell anyone. Not even mother or father! Please, heri!"

"Well," her voice was playful. Kyungsoo, by then, resembled one of the smaller animals out in the forest with his white tóvacco engulfing his body and pleading face. It was always hard to say no to him when he was like that. The tóvacco, a high quality coat made from the wool of mámar, looked exceptionally good on him that all of the mámandili would always gaze at him affectionately. "Okay. But your lips must be sealed. This is the mámandili secret."

She leaned in conspiratorially and he eagerly lent her his ear, almost falling off the bench. "We told them Kyungsoo will play with them if they do not eat the vorolvar."

It took a while before Kyungsoo could understand what it meant. When he did, his head turned so fast to stare wide-eyed at the mámandil. "Really? I can?"

"The secret part is you not telling your parents." She winked at him and led him to the mámar. One of them nosed him all over and caused him to giggle. He reached out a hand to pat the long wool on its body. At the age of 5, he was only as tall as the máma. He looked at it eye to eye before he buried his face onto its wool. He went on and on about how soft it was and how he could fall asleep on it. At one point, Hwayoung let him ride the máma and he had draped himself over on top of it, laughing as it walked around. He wasn't the best secret keeper back then and his parents heard all about it as soon as they picked him up. They couldn't keep him away from the mámar for the next few weeks.

 

Kyungsoo’s next escapade was waiting for his parents' return with the cundor, the guardians of their town. He trotted alongside one of them who had been asked to keep an eye out on the child. At first, they leisurely walked around and played games. Sometimes with other cundor who had the attention to spare. Mind games were played for the most part and Kyungsoo both hated and adored them. They were always so trying but he'd been told that being questioned in such a way would make him smarter and oh how he wanted to be smarter. So he soaked everything in with equal feelings of earnestness and distaste.

"I am not always present.  
I come in many forms.  
I may sometimes be hidden.  
My children come in swarms."

The cundo, Joowon, grinned at Kyungsoo's puzzled expression. They've gone through six already in the past hour and his temporary charge had been rather excellent for a 6 year old. Kyungsoo never gave up looking for the answer and resorted to asking questions of things he did not understand. The child was promising. There could be no argument about it. It was not the pace at which he was able to grasp ideas and thoughts—which was just about the same as his peers—but how receptive and eager he was to learn.

"Swarms? You are always saying words I do not know, heru." Kyungsoo's voice and words stayed respectful despite the accusation he gave. He kicked the snow he'd been trudging on before looking up at the cundo again. "What does that mean?"

"You would not learn if I did not give you anything new." Joowon, one of the youngest among the cundor at the age of 23, messed up Kyungsoo's hair which the child complained about. The lower lip that jutted out had Joowon in a short fit of laughter. "Well, Ancalima. When a person speaks of a swarm, they mean many in number. So if I say 'My children come in swarms', it means?"

As he contemplated, Kyungsoo's head tilted to the side and he looked straight into the eyes of his companion. "Your children are many?"

"Indeed! Of course, not my own. But rather, the answer's children." Nudging Kyungsoo a bit, they resumed their walk. He watched as Kyungsoo's head tilted from side to side with each step and as Kyungsoo would momentarily stop to salute another cundo passing by with the greeting 'Helcaran varya lye’—Helcaran protect you. "How is your thinking going, Ancalima?"

"I still think you are unfair, heru."

It was a puff of cheeks this time that produced a chortle. "You have said that more than a dozen times and yet you still try to find the answer."

"I would not learn if I do not! And I want to learn." Kyungsoo's steps came in hushed stomps as he proclaimed this, the antics of a child. He turned his body around to face his current caretaker with a determined expression. "The clouds!"

"I am afraid that is not the answer. But you are close, Ancalima." There was a smile and another ruffling of hair. "That was a good guess. Clouds though cannot be hidden."

"Oh right. Well if they cannot be, then..." Kyungsoo looked up at the sky with squinted eyes. A grin played upon his lips and his face alighted with glee. "The moon! Our goddess, Isil."

"Excellent! And you only had one wrong guess. You are improving." Joowon raised Kyungsoo to the air and carried him for the rest of the walk around the town's edges, where the cundor were stationed. They ended the game there and Kyungsoo took the opportunity to ask a lot of questions about whatever his mind could think of. He inquired about the mountains that loomed over Lossëirin and the forest— 'Calataurë', Joowon told him—that surrounded them. "We live in a valley called Nando Tyeldë. You have been told what a valley is, yes?"

"Yes, heru. A valley is a place with a flat land in the middle of mountains." Kyungsoo felt exceedingly proud of himself when he was told that he was correct. "So we are on the flat land?"

"Exactly! It will be hard for all of us if we tried to live on the mountain." They looked at the snow-capped grey mountain to which the laipalar faced without the obstruction of the forest. Everywhere else, Calataurë enveloped the town with its trees of silver and black.

Kyungsoo shifts against the cundo's hold. "Why are we so near it? What if snow falls from it? We would get buried."

"That is called an avalanche. But I can assure you no avalanche shall befall our little town." They both quickly greeted the mámandili and the ollië as they passed by the laipalar. Kyungsoo stared at the white that covered the mountain while he muttered 'avalanche'. Joowon didn't speak for a while and let Kyungsoo process the word. He waited, walking diligently, until his charge spoke to him again.

"Why will there be no avalanche?"

"A good question." Joowon moved Kyungsoo from one arm to another before leaving footprints on the snow once more. "Sairina."

The answer brought about Kyungsoo's pinched up face of confusion. Magic. "Sairina? The same that helps grow vorolvar?"

"Ah. So you know about that. Yes. The very same!" A finger pointed at the silmaldar, the silver-leaved trees of Calataurë, and everywhere in front of them. In the end, Joowon placed his finger on top of where Kyungsoo's heart lied. "Everything has sairina. It gives all of us life."

There was unmistakable glee and excitement to Kyungsoo's demeanor. It showed in his voice. "All of us? So we have sairina too, heru?"

"We do. But very few are able to harness it."

"Harness? You are using difficult words again." The tone was accusing and the glare was riveting but in a way that much of the older people found charming rather than intimidating.

Joowon merely ruffled Kyungsoo's hair with a smile as he explained. "I meant that few are able to use sairina and control it."

"Why did you not say so in the first place?" Kyungsoo unwound his arms from Joowon's neck and folded them across his chest, knowing he would not fall. He muttered 'harness' a few times as if to keep it in his mind. And when he was done, he addressed Joowon again. "Will I be able to harness sairina?"

"I do not know, Ancalima. Maybe you will someday." Joowon regarded Kyungsoo with an observant eye. The latter's head tilted to the side with eyes that stared right back. The cundo smiled after being overcome with the strangest feeling of certitude. "I have a feeling you will. You are not only called 'Ancalima' because you brighten everyone's day. Your future is promising."

In the sudden but expected zeal that bubbled up in Kyungsoo which resulted in his squirming, Joowon almost let go of him. But the cundo was quick in his reflexes, something honed into the cundor. And even more so to the roilië, the hunters, of whom Kyungsoo's parents belonged to. They were arriving at that point in the two's conversation.

Kyungsoo quickly climbed down and ran to his parents when he saw them and the others emerge out of the woods. He greeted all of them with an enthusiastic ‘Ananweniëldë’—'You have returned.' And he especially bowed down to Condo, the leader of the roilië and the whole town, who reached a hand out to place on top of his head as she smiled in clear delight of the child.

"Vandë omentaina, Ancalima." She bid him a greeting of 'Well met' before walking away with one of their hunts on her shoulder. The others followed her, greeting Kyungsoo the same, while Seokju and Misun stayed behind. Joowon left as well after bowing from a distance towards the parents.

"How was your day, Kyungsoo?" Misun lowered herself down to engulf her child within her arms. Kyungsoo hugged her back before going to Seokju and hugging him as well.

From there, the couple were subjected once again to Kyungsoo's animated chatter as they walked back home. All the stories were met with fondness and an eagerness to watch how their child was growing up. Kyungsoo told them all about the questions Joowon had asked him and complained about how Joowon was always using words that he could not understand. They laughed and reassured him that it was for his own good and that they were proud of him for learning new things. He delighted in the compliments that were showered upon him. He then told them of sairina, how Joowon had just moments ago told him he will be able to harness his own. That was met with amused replies. However, both Misun and Seokju also felt that their child would grow up to great heights. They would not be completely surprised if Kyungsoo did control his sairina in the future.

 

Alta Ocombë was the nightly gathering of the entire town around the great bonfire for dinner and simple festivities. They have always done this and have come to regard everyone as their family. The hunted vorcelvar brought by the roilië were skinned, washed, and cooked. There was a long table on which the food were placed, from the cooked meat to the various edible vorolvar. Everything always looked and tasted scrumptious, equally shared by each person. This gathering was Kyungsoo's favorite part of the day.

"Come on, father. You are so slow." It has been years of this tradition for 7 year old Kyungsoo but it always drew awe from him. Older people doted on him a lot and told him a great many stories as the silver fire crackled. Some of them and other children played with him, from mind games to hide-and-seek. Every night was something new.

Seokju raised an eyebrow at his child and then looked at Misun who was right beside Kyungsoo as they waited for him. The couple shared amused smiles. "We do this every night, Kyungsoo. I really do not see the need to hurry."

"There will be more time to play." Kyungsoo's tone carried with it an incredulity as if he could not believe his father didn't know of such a reason, the only reason. "Now let us go, please."

The boy only had to stick out his lower lip and widen his eyes before they're already out of their quaint home and into the outdoors where other people were walking towards the irendë. The irendë was right in the middle of the town and was used for Alta Ocombë and other assemblies. There was an elevated pavement, out of reach from the 6 inch snow that always covered the ground, which surrounded the pit in the middle for the bonfire. The vast pavement served as the seats for everyone as they ate the food from the table near the bonfire and as they watched the gathered branches and pieces of trunks from the silmaldar burn in the pit into a dazzling silver fire.

But while the food and games were part of what Kyungsoo liked about their large dinner gathering, his fascination was mostly drawn to the singing and dancing around the fire once everyone has finished eating. There was something magical about it.

Pelië i uryala silmaldar  
Lindilvë, matilvë, nárlvë alassëa  
Quiltánë ló olla silmaldar  
Súyilvë, melilvë, nárlvë cuina

Ilwënna uru oryë  
Isilen ar híniryan  
Ólë leltë kyermëlma  
Ambë orwa pella Helcaranen

Pelië i uryala silmaldar  
Liltilvë, hyamilvë, laitilvë  
Quiltánë ló olla silmaldar  
Súyilvë, melilvë, nárlvë cuina

(Going around the burning silmaldar  
We sing, we eat, we are joyous  
Surrounded by growing silmaldar  
We breathe, we love, we are alive

Fire rise into the sky  
To Isil and to her children  
Send with you our prayers  
To Helcaran, higher beyond

Going around the burning silmaldar  
We dance, we pray, we worship  
Surrounded by growing silmaldar  
We breathe, we love, we are alive)

The song went on as Kyungsoo watched enraptured by the few people performing. The set of people were always different each night and there was never a song that was completely repeated. There was always something new, even if a little.

He personally loved it when his parents performed; he wanted so badly to join them. But one could not partake in it before the age of 20. It was an important ritual that served as their daily prayer. Though afterwards, the children were allowed to give a performance of their own should they want to. And how they wanted to, how they did. Kyungsoo himself had sung a number of times already, garnering even more praises and adoration from the townspeople.

"Hello there!"

The family of three, who were previously sitting peacefully, looked up at the source of the joyful exclamation and found three children smiling back at them. The boys were of the same age as Kyungsoo. Seokju and Misun smiled back, already knowing who they were and guessing why they were there. Kyungsoo stared curiously. He had seen them a good amount of times already but never was able to talk to them. He has heard the uproarious laughter of the tallest one, the snappy remarks of the pretty one, and the wonderful singing of the last. His parents nudge him to stand up as well and he did as expected. He smiled back at the three.

"Hello!" Kyungsoo's head bowed slightly before he looked back. "I am Kyungsoo."

"We know. We hear a lot about you." The tallest one gave a grin of his own and Kyungsoo noticed how big his ears seem to be for his face. "I am Chanyeol."

"I am Jongdae. We should sing together tomorrow!" Jongdae, the one with the wonderful voice, grabbed Kyungsoo's hands and shook them eagerly as an indication of agreement. "You, me, and Baekhyun!"

"What? What about me?" Chanyeol complained with a look of despair.

"You do not get to sing with us because you ruined our plans today.” the boy stuck a tongue out at Chanyeol who whined something along the lines of 'But my sister held me captive!' and 'Forgive me!' They all fell to deaf ears as Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo with a smile. "I am Baekhyun."

It wasn't hard to come to the conclusion that the three were a boisterous bunch, but Kyungsoo liked it. They were funny and, most important of all, had asked him to sing with them. He looked towards his parents who nodded obligingly. When the approval was given, nothing could stop Kyungsoo from bounding up to his new friends with a slight spring to his step. "Nice to meet you all! I would love to sing with you."

All three yelled in delight and shared mischievous looks before pouncing on their new unsuspecting friend. Kyungsoo found himself drowned in a flurry of arms and bodies. He couldn't quite make out what they were exclaiming excitedly into his ears but it may have been something like 'We are going to have so much fun together.' Or it may have been something like 'Adventure here we come!' But he definitely heard a 'Shut up Chanyeol.' He laughed heartily at that but air was becoming a luxury inside the pseudo-embrace.

"Could you please let go now?" He tried to voice out over the continuing exclamations. When they didn't seem to hear his constant pleas and simply continued to talk amongst themselves while clinging onto him, he heaved out a sigh before stomping a little roughly at their feet. Some much needed air finally came to him when they jumped away. He puffed his cheeks at them. "You should listen when someone is talking to you."

They were all nursing their feet but Chanyeol was the first to stop and cuddle against Kyungsoo, cradling the smaller's head. "Look at this adorable face!"

"You could not stay mad for long!" Baekhyun quipped with a laugh. However, it was true despite the joking manner by which it was said. Nobody had ever gotten angry at Kyungsoo for long periods of time on the off chance that he did something displeasing. But those were extremely few and far between. Kyungsoo was obedient and respectful hence the town's adoration toward him. Baekhyun clasped his hands together with a pleading look at Kyungsoo. "Have mercy on us, Kyungsoo! Forgive us!"

"I will remember to run when I tease you." Jongdae snickered as Kyungsoo's face flushed in embarrassment. It was obvious that they were making him uncomfortable with their statements. Kyungsoo's reaction was too precious to pass up though. They were sure that their friend hasn't experienced being overwhelmed by such enthusiastic teasing from their peers. They were indeed a rowdy bunch and they're going to pull Kyungsoo into their adventures and let the other have fun.

A lot of time for a lot of fun.

 

"...Endëmar is the residence of the king and queen of Hrívë. Their palace is in the center of the city, made up of scarlet red stone walls taken from Felcoirin. It has thus been named Carnë Túrion. The first king and queen were chosen by Helcaran and, from then on, their family has continued to rule for millennia. They are rarely seen outside of the palace, only appearing on grand festivities and days of prayer.

"Residents from all over the land, however, are free to enter the palace to seek the royal family's counsel which is guided by Helcaran himself. They receive this guidance through a ceremony called Alyasáma on their 20th year. It is both a solemn and joyous celebration that the whole city participates in. It is the official welcoming and recognition of a royal family member. The Alyasáma..."

For a brief moment, Kyungsoo looked up from the book he had been told to read aloud. He saw three different heads peering from the window of his home. When the three sets of eyes caught his, there was an enthusiastic waving of hands coupled with bright smiles. He couldn't help how his eyes widened in surprise before he drew his attention again to the book, but he had been too late. His mother had caught his expression and had looked to their window as well, laughing when she saw her son's friends.

"It seems we have company, Kyungsoo." Her eyebrows were raised in a question, a stern look on her face to scare her child. And just as she had thought, the little boy's face immediately contorted in fear.

"I did not invite them, mother. I swear." He would never invite them when he had lessons for the day. He'd learned not to from that one time he did. They arrived earlier than he expected—his expectation being that they would be at his house after his lessons. Misun had let him go earlier but had a pile of books and another pile of papers waiting for him once he arrived back home. Least to say, he never saw his mother's permission for fun at face value.

"I believe you, hinya." Misun used a term of endearment, my child, to reassure Kyungsoo. She did indeed believe him. Kyungsoo had no cause to lie nor has he ever lied before. They have made it a point in their household that no such thing was tolerated; she and Seokju have perfectly instilled the value of honesty to their child. She smiled down at him. "I invited them. I thought it would be nice for you to go out today since Anar is shining brightly today."

The delight Kyungsoo felt could not be contained and he embraced his mother tightly. His exclamations of gratitude were muffled by her tóvacco as his face is buried deep onto it. She returned the gesture, lips briefly pressing atop his head and murmuring 'You are most welcome.'

After a moment more, he got ushered out of the house and in front of his friends that were buzzing with excitement. They greeted Minsu with a simultaneous 'Mára aure' and she bid them a good day as well before reminding them to be back before Alta Ocombë. The three along with Kyungsoo promised her to be back by then.

"Nai varnuvalyë." She wished for their safety as they waved farewell and walked away. Her eyes watched until they were out of sight and only then did she come back inside the house, closing the door. She took the opportunity to clean the house as her husband was with that day's group of roilië.

The group of friends walked towards the irendë where some of the other children are playing and some adults were preparing the edible vorolvar for the Alta Ocombë later. The four looked at each other with eager grins, already knowing the thoughts crossing their minds.

Kyungsoo and Jongdae made their way to the adults as Baekhyun and Chanyeol moved to the food already finished. With Kyungsoo's reputation and Jongdae's communication skills, they were both able to distract the men and women from noticing the other two taking some food.

"Mára aure, herir ar herur." They greeted with innocent smiles. Everyone paused their activities to turn around and look at the two, greeting them in return.

"What could we help you with?" One of the women asked, bending down to meet Kyungsoo and Jongdae at eye level. "Are your curious minds hungry for knowledge again?"

Within the town, the two children were notorious for their incessant questioning of just about everything. They were entertained graciously most of the time. Having but a small number of books at their disposal leaves curious minds with more queries. That is why the adults understood that there were times when the books could not answer the two children's questions and indulged in answering.

"Yes, heri." Kyungsoo answered first. He actually did have some enquiries especially after having read some things about Endëmar. Jongdae held an amused and knowing smile. That was how Kyungsoo worked. Reading and listening then asking numerous questions after.

"Go ahead then. We are all listening." The young woman, Yoojin, gestured over to her companions who had, as she said, their attention on him.

Kyungsoo was about to launch on a tirade of queries when he remembered that his mother had told him to always take it slow, one question at a time. His thoughts toss and turn around his head as he tried to weigh which one he'd like answered first. "How is it that there are red stones? I thought only blood was red."

There was a pregnant pause after Kyungsoo finished speaking. No one knew for sure what the answer was. All their lives, they only knew of the grey stone walls of their homes and establishments. Even in the other towns, there were not red stones or yellow ones or orange ones. They have heard of such things but knew only that they were very limited, if they existed at all.

The colors were rare in their land and were on the level of a myth in their town. Only testimonies from the macari, the tradesmen, affirmed of such things. But they never brought back anything to serve as concrete evidence. The items containing them were of too high a price. And so, their little town only knew of whites, greys, blacks, blues, and purples.

Yoojin turned to her companions in search of someone who would answer in her stead but they all gave her a shrug indicating that they had no idea how to. She sighed before looking again at Kyungsoo with an apologetic smile. "I am sorry, Ancalima. I do not know how. I only know that the macari were told those stones were blessings from the goddess, Anar."

"Oh. I see." Kyungsoo looked up toward Anar, high up in the sky. Anar was the only yellow he knew as well. He blinked several times, his eyes hurting from staring. When he looked down, he chanced a glance on Baekhyun and Chanyeol who had their mouths stuffed with food. His eyes quickly looked back to Yoojin. "Then do you know why the king and queen and their children seldom leave the palace?"

"Ancalima." Yoojin bowed her head in defeat. Once again, she didn't know what to respond with. All these questions were beyond her and, from the brief glimpse of everyone else, beyond them too. Her smile was small and her hand reached out to lay on his shoulder. "I am afraid if you were to ask us of things regarding Endëmar then we have no answer for you. We have never been there and we do not concern ourselves with their goings-on. I am sorry."

A pensive look fell on Kyungsoo's face. He wondered why they did not concern themselves with the goings-on of Endëmar. Was it because they were too far from it? Their town did live well on its own with just an annual trip to Endëmar for trade by the few macari, and they always said that the city and its people were strange. He decided to try his luck again with making the macari recount their journey to him. He smiled at Yoojin. "It is okay, heri. I will ask the macari when they come back."

"That is a good idea. It is only a few days now until they come back." Certainly, it has already been 23 days. It took 12 days to get to Endëmar and the macari usually stay for 2 days there, 1 to sell and 1 to buy. They always came during the time of Manca Resta, the Trade Fair. "Well, do you have other questions that do not involve Endëmar?"

"I do!" Jongdae piped in, his smile a mischievous one. He had often been told that it resembled that of the höayau, a large feline the roilië tame to aid the macari in carrying their goods. His exclamation had all heads turn to him. His eyes saw, for a moment, the food being collected by their two friends. "I heard heri Yoojin is marrying someone from Lissirin. Is that true?"

The question garnered a round of hearty laughter and hooting. Yoojin turned red. "Where did you hear that?"

"I heard it from Baekhyun who heard it from Hyejin who heard it from Youngsun who heard it from Minyoung who heard it from Kibum who heard it from his mother who heard it from your mother, heri." The long-winded answer finally came to an end. Jongdae continued to smile even at the raised eyebrows he received. "So was I right?"

"Yes. In 2 months." Word in their town surely traveled fast. Her answer got another round of hooting and a couple of ‘Laitanyel!’—‘I praise you!’—as words of congratulations.

"We look forward to it, heri!" Kyungsoo smiled widely, eyes twinkling in glee. The thought of such an occasion brought to him a sense of wonder and excitement. Weddings were immaculately beautiful in his eyes. He saw the expressions on the husband's and wife's faces that he saw from his parents. Love, his parents had told him. He saw love. Often times he found himself wishing that, in the future, he too will experience such a feeling and have someone like his parents had each other. But that was later on.

"We do." Jongdae agreed before looking at Kyungsoo. "Well, I have no more questions. How about you?"

"They are all about Endëmar so no. I have no more questions as well." Kyungsoo got Jongdae's hint that it was time to go. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were done. They turned back to Yoojin and the others. "Thank you for your time!"

"You are welcome, Ancalima, Yauncë." There was a scattered snickering when Jongdae complained about his 'Little Feline' nickname and insisted that he be called Chen instead. As the two children were walking away, Yoojin added in, "And next time, you only have to ask us for some food. No need for your silly tactics."

Kyungsoo and Jongdae turned around with wide eyes before grinning. Baekhyun and Chanyeol, having caught up to the two, laughed. All four bowed and shouted, "We will! Thank you!"

The two, who had not had their fill yet, ate heartily as they walked. They listened eagerly as Baekhyun explained the plan he had come up with to fool their fellow children. He noted how Chanyeol's and Kyungsoo's writing seem to look like the handwritings in books. Chanyeol beamed at the compliment while Kyungsoo simply hummed as he nibbled on leavened bread.

"But what has that got to do with what you are planning?" Chanyeol questioned.

"If you let me explain first before asking, then you would know. So hush." Baekhyun motioned for Chanyeol to close his mouth before continuing. "I thought one of you could write that there is treasure hidden in Málantë's place, somewhere within all of the envinyatala he has made. We will tell them that Kyungsoo found the paper while reading an old book from the Coa Parmaron. Then we will get them to search for it in time for Málantë to catch them."

Jongdae nodded with a thoughtful expression. "It sounds like a nice plan."

"I will write it!" Chanyeol bounced on the balls of his feet, eager to do the job. Baekhyun looked as if he were pondering if he should take the offer. Truthfully, he had already known Chanyeol would volunteer his services. The other always did. Baekhyun nodded with a grin after a few moments of watching Chanyeol be overly excited. “Yes!” Chanyeol shouted in delight.

"I will tell you what to write." Kyungsoo spoke, face deceivingly blank but his eyes betrayed him. He was already formulating what would sound convincing to their peers. There was a soft snort from him when he thought that it wouldn't take much to actually convince them. All three of his companions looked at him with amusement. They all thought that having Kyungsoo in the group was one of the best decisions they made, even if Kyungsoo was slowly growing rather violent. Of course, it was only ever towards them.

"Baekhyun and I will be in charge of the talking." The smile on Jongdae's lips was mischievous. "When will we carry this out?"

"Let us prepare today then do it tomorrow. I heard Málantë will be tending to Sihyun heri after midday." The plan actually came forth when he had learned of Málantë's absence. It was rare; their apothecary was seldom ever called out of the house filled with fragrant smoke. The townspeople were healthy most days. "It will be the perfect time."

"Well, if that is so, then we must finish the supposed clue before night comes and we are caught. Let us head to the Coa Parmaron." Kyungsoo was already walking briskly toward the building. 

Between the four of them, he was rarely ever scolded because he usually took little to no part in the actual process of playing out the pranks. The thinking and planning parts were more of his specialty. Least to say, he had suggested and had come up with a fair share of brilliance. "We need not worry about Tirmanwa. She usually leaves me alone when I come by to read."

They arrived at the building that looked much like every other one in their town, only that it was one of those larger establishments aside from Condo's house, where the important town meetings are held; the tólië's workroom where they make tóvacco; and Málantë's house, where all the envinyatala were made. All four surrounded the irendë like a protective barrier with the tólië's workroom in the north facing the mountains, Málantë's house in the east facing Calataurë in the direction of the rest of Hrívë, Condo's house in the south facing Calataurë in the direction to the long misty river Híduinë, and the Coa Parmaron in the west facing Calataurë in the direction to the great ocean Altaeäron. The townspeople's houses, in turn, enclosed them.

Their Coa Parmaron was small and contained fewer books compared to what the others have told of the Coa Parmaron in other towns and cities. The earnings they gained from tóvacco trading were mostly spent on envinyatala, carmar, and hyalini ar móro—medicine, weapons, and papers and ink. At best, they were able to buy 5 new books. At worst, they were only able to buy 1.

A soft chime resounded in the otherwise quiet Coa Parmaron. Tirmanwa, who watched over all the books stored in the building, looked up from her reading to greet them. The middle-aged woman smiled, "Mára aure, tittasén." 

"Tirmanwa, we are not little children anymore." Kyungsoo stated with the barest hint of irritation underneath the words. It has become exasperating for him to still be considered a child at 10 because it led everyone to address him in a manner that comes off to him as patronizing rather than kind.

"Oh Ancalima. But I am still taller than you. And you would not be an adult until you are 15 years of age." Tirmanwa reached a hand out to pat Kyungsoo's head. "Do not be in too much of a rush to grow older."

Kyungsoo huffed before conceding defeat for now. "I will try, Tirmanwa."

"But you are in a hurry to become taller, Kyungsoo. I know you are the one drinking all the milk." Jongdae snickered as he closed the door gently. The comment garnered quiet laughs from everyone except Kyungsoo, who glared at his friend.

"I thought that was you and Baekhyun though. I seem to remember you were the ones who took several pitchers of milk several days ago." The retort was scalding and it had effectively stopped the two's laughing. Chanyeol and Tirmanwa only laughed harder. The former got punches from the two as warnings to stop as well. Kyungsoo smiled at them before addressing Tirmanwa again. "I will find another book to borrow, Tirmanwa. Do you have any suggestions? Particularly those about Endëmar. Or maybe the king and queen."

She pondered for a while. "You might want to try _Quentalë Endëmar_. It is the most basic book if you want to know more about the capital. I trust you already know your way around here."

"Yes, Tirmanwa." Kyungsoo nodded with a smile. He asked for some pieces for paper, a quill, and ink which were readily given to him. His feet were already taking him to the rows and rows of books. His three friends were right behind him with words of warning from Tirmanwa to keep it quiet as the quettelië, situated at the far corner of the building, were busy making copies of the books. They looked over at the hunched backs hovering over tables and hands that were painstakingly writing each word perfectly. Chanyeol, particularly, watched with fascination.

When the book had been acquired, they made their way to a secluded table. They were the only ones there today aside from Tirmanwa and the quettelië, but they would not take their chances on being caught. Kyungsoo immediately began to write down his thoughts for Chanyeol to copy later on.

_The Málantë of each village is given a red stone as a mark of becoming one. They are instructed to keep the stone in a wooden box sealed with a lirina (spell) and to keep it from others. Its appearance will easily seduce anyone into stealing it, from its rare color to its shining brilliance. The powers within the stone are limitless and incomparable. It could give one strength to lift a mountain or the ability to fly. However, there are consequences to using it. Hence, the need for it to be kept by the person with the most control over mind and sairina._

By the last word, the whole paper had been filled. Kyungsoo's quill punctuates it with a splotched point before handing it over to Chanyeol. The paper was taken by Baekhyun though who read through it once and gave Kyungsoo a wide mischievous smile. Jongdae loudly wondered how Kyungsoo could think of such things, to which he pointed out that he had spent a lot of time reading various books.

"Then what happened to Jongdae?" The remark from Chanyeol resulted in hushed snickers and a glare.

Jongdae's lips tilted to a mocking grin, eyes glinting with challenge. "At least I read. I am not too sure about you." 

When the beginnings of an argument were about to take place, Kyungsoo took the paper from Baekhyun's hands and shoved it to Chanyeol's face who sat across him. He placed a hand over Jongdae's mouth after, easily enough as the other sat beside him. "Be quiet or I will have Tirmanwa throw you out. We are not here to fight. Chanyeol, copy that before our time runs out.It is almost nightfall."

Chanyeol nodded with the paper still stuck on his face. There were speckles of ink on the flushed skin when the paper was removed. Baekhyun choked on laughter after seeing it and Jongdae grinned behind Kyungsoo's hand. Kyungsoo tried to suppress a smile but caught Chanyeol's confused stare instead. He moved his hand away from Jongdae with a knock on the other's forehead as a warning. He then told Chanyeol of the ink smudges and suggested they be washed off later. Everything watered down to excited mumbling as Baekhyun and Jongdae exchanged ideas on how to go about tricking the other children. The scratching sound of a quill running across the surface of a paper and the periodic sound of turning pages became background noise.

They stayed until Tirmanwa told them it was almost sunset. Kyungsoo had reluctantly let go of the book he had been reading but brightened when Tirmanwa let him take it home. They all bid her a good day as they headed out of the Coa Parmaron and into the irendë once more. People were starting to gather and prepare for the Alta Ocombë. Their own excitement was not for tonight's dinner but for tomorrow's misadventures. The feeling continued on until they were put to bed and even in their sleep.

Least to say, the plan was a success. The next morning, the four children started as soon as their parents had left them all together to play. It had been with a little reluctance from the parents who had an inkling there was something up that day. After innocent smiles and reassurances, the friends were finally alone and they trudged over to the other children who unknowingly welcomed them into the group. Minutes later, there were less children seen at the irendë and footprints could be found leading to Málantë's house. While the rest sneaked around and snooped all over the place, the masterminds of this expedition were safely outside, pretending they were uninterested in the stone and playing amongst themselves. The four held back their laughters as the owner of the house arrived and started scolding the children found inside.

"We never told them to go inside, Málantë." Once fingers were pointed, Baekhyun immediately stepped in and reasoned with the apothecary. "We simply showed them something interesting we found in the Coa Parmaron."

Even the children could not help but agree because it was exactly that which Baekhyun and Jongdae did. They were unaware of the manipulations they were subjected to by the words the two had spoken. Even if neither had outright told their peers to look for it, they steered the conversation well enough to burn curiosities. They ended up successful in escaping punishment from Málantë. Punishment from their parents was a whole different topic altogether. 

All of the four's parents knew their hand at this and rightfully forbade them to be in the company of each other for 3 days to contemplate on what they have done. Unfortunately for the people in the town, they had come up with more elaborate plans in those 3 days—mostly Baekhyun. Kyungsoo had his lessons, Jongdae had his books on the different towns and cities, and Chanyeol had his songs and poems. There was never a boring day with the four children up and about.

 

"Where are we going, father, mother?" Kyungsoo looked to his parents. No longer did he strain to tilt his head up. He had surpassed his mother and was only inches smaller than his father. They both smiled at him, secretive and amused.

"You will see, hinya. Be patient." Misun placed a hand on her son's shoulder, tapping her fingers lightly before placing her hand back to her side. "Surprises are not called such if they are revealed beforehand."

"Yes, mother." There was tiny bit of embarrassment coloring Kyungsoo's cheeks. It had been some time since his parents had lightly teased him like this. He was now 15, an age at which people were considered almost adults. It was at this age they chose which profession they would have and start to learn under a master. No one was surprised when Kyungsoo had chosen to be a roilië like his parents when asked on his birthday. His wit well-matched the skills of his hand. 

He thought back to the Alta Ocombë, the night of his birthday a few nights ago. He had been the person of honor then with songs to Helcaran seeking guidance for him. Everyone had the mission of stuffing him full. His three dear friends laughed at his predicament until he pointed out that they had looked worse on their 15th birthdays. But he had taken everything in stride because it has always been like that in the tradition of their town. The 1st, 15th, and 20th birthdays of a person were the most meaningful in one's life, and they celebrated these with much festivity.

"Are you excited to begin your training, Kyungsoo?" Seokju began a light-hearted conversation as they walked past houses and politely greeted the people they passed by.

"I am. I know I will learn a lot from you and mother." Kyungsoo's smile was bright and hopeful. If he were completely honest, the prospect of starting his training soon had him staying up late some nights. His mother always had that knowing smile greeting him in the morning as she gave him a cup of warm tea. "It will be nice to finally explore the forest past the set boundaries."

“Oh, but I remember quite well a group of four young boys going past them and entering the more dangerous parts of Calataurë without any supervision or even weapons to defend themselves with." A hint of barely hidden laughter could be heard in Seokju's voice. His words eliciting a laugh from his wife and a groan from his son. "Why, I think you were one of them, Kyungsoo."

It was true. 3 years ago, they had the most brilliant—and that is said in very loose terms—idea to go on an adventure in Calataurë and see what wonders it had hidden between the brown and black trunks of its trees. Luckily for them, they did not meet any predators in their path, only small creatures that Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol said looked like Kyungsoo. They found themselves with mouthfuls of snow minutes after their constant teasing. It had not been long on their journey that the roilië on a hunt that day found them. Jongdae blamed Baekhyun for stopping at every new vorolvar they had encountered and Chanyeol for being in a daze and spouting poetic lines about everything they came across. Kyungsoo was spared the blame because he and Jongdae were leading the trek and exchanging imaginative thoughts of what may lie ahead. Needless to say, they were forbidden from entering the forest again without accompaniment, along with a month long punishment of repeatedly writing down why it was dangerous and why there were boundaries set by the roilië that should not be ignored.

"Father, may we please lay that to rest already? I have learned from my mistake." Kyungsoo hid his warm face underneath his hands with a shake of his head. His parents had no mercy when they were set out on embarrassing him. He mumbled to himself, "Will this never end?"

"I think it is a nice reminder to the younger ones not to go running about and breaking the rules." Misun openly grinned at her son's discomfort. It was only in these moments did she feel like he was a child again. He had matured too quickly for her liking. She was quite thankful to Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Baekhyun for being the ones to coax out the childishness in her son as he continued to become a little more solemn each year. She had wondered of the reason when she first noticed it but came to the conclusion that it was just the way Kyungsoo was. He had always been on the quiet side, watching his surroundings instead of actively taking part in them, content in his own space and mind. His love for singing was the only thing that had him willing to be in the lights of attention and a constant onslaught of praises. "Do you not think so?"

Kyungsoo grimaced at the thought of becoming known for such a reason until time ceased to exist. "I would rather if we were not made an example to the children."

"You speak as if you are not a child yourself, Kyungsoo. You are only 15. There is much growth for you to experience still." Seokju's hand came up to ruffle Kyungsoo's hair affectionately. He smiled as his eyes took in the almost unnoticeable jut of his son's lower lip. There were surely some things that will not change if one were to look close enough. He too shared in his wife's longing for Kyungsoo's childhood. However, they both agreed that their son had grown beautifully—his appearance, his mind, and his heart. He was their pride, the physical evidence of their good upbringing. "You are a long way to 60."

With the reminder, Kyungsoo felt a sadness creep up on him. Both of his parents were already 41 years old. In 19 years, they will leave him for the afterlife. 

Everyone died when they turn 60, exactly on their birthday. They said it was because life was already fulfilled to its fullest at that age. There was nothing more to do after helping the town prosper, raising a child into adulthood, and welcoming a grandchild into the world. It happened by Helcaran's will and knowledge. Effírië, the passing, was always at night and always peaceful from the closing of eyes to the last breath drawn. Orosta, the ascension, was the burning ritual where they send the soul from the flames and into the heavens. But of course, all this was not without grief nor longing for the one who has left.

"Do not be so down-hearted, hinya. Today is a happy day. It will do no good to dwell on things that are not yet to pass." Misun held her son's hand. Death was inevitable and they had accepted that. What they could do was focus on the present, on Kyungsoo who still needs their guidance and strength. "Smile, Kyungsoo. You are most beautiful when you smile."

Kyungsoo tried his best to do as he was told and Misun was happy enough with his shaky smile. He gripped her hand tightly in his own, feeling comfort when she squeezed back. His father clapped a hand on his shoulder and held him to a stop.

"Here we are!" They all looked toward the open door from where a dizzying amount of hot air wafted from. It was rare for them to sweat but becoming accustomed to the cold had beads of perspiration forming on their foreheads and necks. That was only from being outside of the building.

Seokju's exclamation was met by silence from Kyungsoo. The boy had been stunned to see that they were standing in front of Tano's workshop, the town's smith. It only meant one thing. He looked back and forth from his father to his mother and then to the entrance. There was undeniable hope twinkling in his eyes. Short laughs escaped from his parents' lips.

"Yes, Kyungsoo. We are here to acquire your sicil and quinga piliniyë." Seokju's answer to Kyungsoo's silent enquiry made his son's lips stretch into one of the happiest smiles he has ever seen on them. They would have given their son his dagger and bow and arrows on his birthday if not for the off-chance that he decided not to be a roilië. "We made an order on your birthday."

Kyungsoo embraced his parents. "I-thank you so much. Thank you."

"Oh come now. Of course you are going to have your own." Delicate-looking hands move up and down against Kyungsoo's back. Misun's tone is a bit chiding but mostly delighted. "But you are most welcome."

They moved away after Misun's words but her hand held onto Kyungsoo's and Seokju's hand laid atop Kyungsoo's shoulder. He mused, "Shall we get in and see what Tano has made for Kyungsoo? I am quite excited as well."

They were welcomed as warm as the place was. Tano was one for theatrics and built up the three's anticipation as to what he had in store. For all the wait, the weapons were worth it. The sicil glinted sharply amidst the burning flames within the room. Near its hilt was an engraved sun which Tano had told was 'perfect for our Ancalima'. (By then, Kyungsoo had just had about enough of his nickname, having been teased about it all these years by his friends. However, he tried not to grimace and indulged the man who went on further to say that the idea came to him in a dream.) Even his quinga piliniyë had little suns engraved at the ends. His parents received all of it well. Kyungsoo, by the end, also did despite the initial reluctance on the chosen design. He had to admit that there was something captivating about them.

It was weeks before he was able to use them, however, as his parents first taught him of stealth and directions. They showed him how to find his way in the maze of the forest, had him memorize the routes that have been well used by the roilië. They had him make his own paths and his own markings on the trunks. 

When he was deemed ready, the quinga piliniyë were the first to be mastered. It took him some considerable time to be comfortable with them but he didn't mind since he had his friends as target practice when they each finished with their own lessons—Jongdae with Joowon and the other cundor, Chanyeol with the quettelië, and Baekhyun with Málantë. Jongdae often caused trouble to Joowon with his unsanctioned trips to Calataur. He still turned out to be one of the best apprentices. Everyone had laughed heartily at Chanyeol’s choice to be a quetteli. It didn’t seem to suit his loud nature. He proved them wrong when he did his work splendidly. Baekhyun had been the most surprising. No one ever thought for a second that the boisterous prankster would choose such a level-headed profession. But he did and he had been accepted as Málantë's apprentice.

After a few incidents with his friends and his quinga piliniyë, he went on to his sicil. It was easier for him to regard the sicil as an extension of his body than the quinga pilinyë. He learned the swiftest ways of killing different kinds of vorcelvar without granting them much pain. He had made it a habit to pray to Helcaran after every kill, wishing for its soul to join others in heaven. 

The other roilië and their apprentices smiled at him in what he came to understand as mild condescension, commenting on how pure a heart he had. His parents would tell him time and again that they agreed with the others. He indeed had a pure heart. They went on to say that it made him more desirable, even more beautiful than he already was. His friends, on the other hand, would tease him, asking how he could be so kind to vorcelvar when he was so violent to them. He responded in kind by smacking their heads.

By the age of 16, Kyungsoo was already participating in a few of the hunts. He would be accompanied by one of his parents at first but they eventually let him go on his own. There were some mishaps of scratches and bites but they were never serious enough to end his life. Jongdae was always there at the outskirts of town to help him walk to Málantë's place. Baekhyun always healed him but not without the constant teasing. Chanyeol never failed to entertain him with songs and music as he rested. 

When he turned 17, Condo officially appointed him as one of the roilië and he frequented the forest more, taking up his mother's place. And a routine had been established between him and his friends. He and Jongdae would meet up as their works end. They would grab hold of Chanyeol who was by far the noisiest of the quettelië though he seemed to have grown on them. Baekhyun would be waiting for them outside of Málantë's house with some food he had managed to plead for from those preparing for the Alta Ocombë.

His mornings and evenings were always spent with his parents in the comforts of their home. Kyungsoo felt happy with what he had and who he shared his time with. Days were never dull and nights were always peaceful. Life was good.

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)   



	2. Runya Atta

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

The snow cushions his feet, silencing his footsteps. A slight breeze passes through the trunks of trees and through the strands of his inky hair. Pale flesh skin peeks out from the white tóvacco and pants that seem to blend into the surroundings. Calculating eyes narrow as they follow the tarucca, a deer-like creature with thick grey fur and black antlers curving back its head then upward. He draws taut his quinga piliniyë, waiting for the right moment to strike. The air becomes still and the tarucca stops in its tracks, head twisting and turning to look around. The pilin is fast and strikes the tarucca's heart dead center.

Kyungsoo's body begins to move before the tarucca falls to the ground. The few meters distance is traversed swiftly and he arrives just in time to see its eyes close as it lies upon the snow. He kneels down beside it, reaching a hand out to rest beside where the pilin is pierced. Words fall past his lips and rise to the sky.

"Nai fëalya hiruva Helcaran."

May your soul find Helcaran. That is his short prayer to each vorcelva he kills, paltry in comparison to his actions. However, it is all he can offer as well as a swift death. And his penance is carrying the vorcelva to the town by himself. 

His parents have warned him that such a gesture leaves him unprotected, easy to be overcome by other vorcelvar that might be lurking. In spite of all this, he continues his habit as if an unbreakable ritual. Favor follows him as he is never attacked on his journey home. At times he sees other vorcelvar watching him pass by, staying away from him. 

The most curious thing is that some of them bow their heads in what Kyungsoo could only rationalize as respect. 

His friends tell him he spends too much time in the forest and it's gotten to his mind. 

He reminds them he's quite adept at killing.

A cua flies overhead as he makes his journey home, black feathers all over. He pauses for a moment as it perches on the branch of a tree in front of him. It looks at him dead in the eye with a short trill. He lowers his head in an act of asking permission to go through. 

Everyone knows that vorcelvar must be deemed with a certain respect especially within their territory. Their town is right in the middle of a vast land of vorcelvar territory, untouched by others due to its faraway location. They are the guests. That is exactly why they killed only what they need for the night. He just shows more respect than others when it comes to the act because they have come to believe that it is the way of life and there is no need to feel remorse. It makes him wonder in moments of silence how it came to be that they think this way now.

There is suddenly a burst of song by the cua and it prompts others of various appearances to come and sing as well. White feathers, blue feathers, brown feathers, purple feathers, and grey feathers. The same shades of color as everything else in the world. He looks around him, keeping a tight hold on the tarucca. It's quite unusual for such a thing to happen to him even amongst all the questionable events that happen in the forest. The cuar have never sung to him before. Short trills and calls, maybe. But never a song. 

He feels a sort of uneasiness settle upon him as he begins to question what must have prompted this. The song eventually ends with the first cua singing a note that echoes throughout the area. It looks upon him again before bowing its head. The others fly away in a magnificent flurry of wings, meeting each other above his head and then going off to different directions.

"Beautiful." He whispers as his neck strains to keep his head bent upward. When all are gone, he looks once again to the black feathered cua who is staring at him. "Uhm. Thank you. For the song, that is."

He isn't sure if the cua did understand him but he gets another trill in reply before it flies up to the sky. It merely circles above him. It's then he realizes it is waiting for him to leave. He heaves the tarucca upon his back properly again and trudges upon the path he had made for himself. 

All is silent once again except for the occasional beating of wings not too far behind him. He glances behind him at times only to see that it is following him diligently like a guard. He doesn't understand how this came to be—he is sure he has never met the cua before today and he hasn’t done anything exceptional moments ago. It follows him well into town and Jongdae laughs at how 'ridiculous' he looks with the cua hovering close by. He almost dumps the tarucca on Jongdae's face but he felt bad for the tarucca.

He garners curious looks from everyone and children coming to ask about the cua. All he could say is that he gained a new friend at Calataurë. The children follow him as well even though he's told them they best be going elsewhere to play. They laugh as the cua alternately perches upon their heads. Kyungsoo smiles fondly, allowing things to continue as he recounts to Jongdae what had happened. Jongdae is silent for the most part, sometimes humming to indicate that he's listening. Once Kyungsoo is done, they fall quiet with only the noises from the children and the cua behind their backs.

"That is strange. But strange things always seem to follow you when you're in Calataurë." Jongdae shrugs nonchalantly. "With how often these things happen, I am starting to consider this normal. You are strange after all."

"I can carry this with one hand and stab you with my other one." Kyungsoo glowers, heaving the tarucca further up his back.

Jongdae lets out a laugh. He wags a finger in admonishment. "Now, now, Kyungsoo. There is no need to be so violent in front of children. I was merely pulling your leg. You are not strange. Just _special_."

"You best prepare yourself later. I will dismember you." There is a certainty to Kyungsoo's voice but Jongdae just laughs again, already quite immune to Kyungsoo's threats. "I should never have accepted your invitation to be friends all those years ago."

"12 years ago actually. And you know you would never have lived this long if it were not for our company. You are too reclusive to be given such a nickname as Ancalima." 

Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol never fail to make a jab at Kyungsoo's nickname whenever they can. Kyungsoo groans in exasperation as Jongdae snickers. Kyungsoo has given up on arguing but he will make his friend run for it later on. The only thing keeping him from harming the other is the tarucca heavy on his back. Oh, Jongdae can milk all the time he could get teasing him without the danger of immediate harm…for now. 

"The cua seems to be attached to you. Will you name it? I think you should name it Ancalima as well. Ancalima is such a nice name. Right, Ancalima?"

A throbbing vein is almost visible on Kyungsoo's temple. He could not explain properly to anyone just how much headache he has gone through with his friends' antics. Everyone in the town thinks it's all amusing and lovely to see them this way. He sometimes wishes they could be in his place so they would experience how exasperating it is. 

Despite all his complaining though, he admits to himself at night that having the three with him is refreshing. But just at night. "Jongdae, I will sew your mouth close if you do not stop this ridiculousness."

"You would never do that." Jongdae grins before running away to the Coa Parmaron as soon as they step foot at the irendë. A good head start, but never good enough against Kyungsoo who idly walks to the ones tasked with preparing the food for tonight. He gives them the tarucca on his back, eyes straying a little longer on the vorcelva. 

The children have stopped following him once he turns around and only finds the cua staring up curiously at him from the ground. He almost laughs at how drowned in the snow the cua looks as it's buried in the inches of snow. He picks it up and lets it settle upon his shoulder. It perches upright in a calm manner but its eyes are inquisitive, looking around and taking in its surroundings. Its quiet sounds, like soft musical chattering, lull him into a relaxed state as he walks to his friends.

"So it is true!" Chanyeol's exclamation is heard throughout the irendë and heads turn in their direction curiously until they see the group of friends. They shake their heads before looking away. "A cua has followed you. Oh. I did not think it was as big as your head. I thought it to be smaller like a little version of you."

Kyungsoo makes a motion of getting ready to punch Chanyeol's gut and it has the other shutting up and shuffling behind Baekhyun with a grin. The other two laugh and join in on the teasing. 

Somehow, through the years, it has become a routine for Kyungsoo to be the one teased most of the time. Occasionally the jeers would be directed to the others. His friends say it's because he's so easy to rile up and his reactions are amusing even though they can be a bit detrimental to their wellbeing—a few bruises and strangulations here and there. All in good fun they say. Kyungsoo accepts this for the simple reason that he gets his turn in all of this and his words are sharper than his sicil.

After awhile, Baekhyun asks, "So what will you name it?"

As if understanding what has been said, the cua bends its head down to nudge the top of its head against Kyungsoo's cheek in an affectionate manner. Kyungsoo stiffens at the suddenness but soon reaches a hand out to caress its neck. "I do not know. Panta?"

"Panta?" Raised eyebrows accompany Chanyeol's inquiry. "Really, Kyungsoo? You are going to name it Panta? Naming a cua 'open', only you will do such a thing, Kyungsoo."

"When has our dear friend ever been creative or normal?" Jongdae drapes himself over Chanyeol's back, having tired of sitting on the upraised pavement. "It has been years and our progress with him is still at zero."

Kyungsoo reaches down and hurls a fistful of snow at Jongdae who dodges. The snowball hits Chanyeol instead who retaliates with glee. Baekhyun hits Jongdae and Jongdae hits Kyungsoo. Everything goes downhill as shots are continually fired. 

Panta glides away before its hit by the bothersome snow, watching as its companion slowly smiles without restraint as the fight continues. By the end of it, it flies back to Kyungsoo's shoulder and tries its best to groom Kyungsoo whose hair is covered in snow. Kyungsoo smiles and strokes its neck once more, whispering, "Panta is not a silly name, right? You have opened my eyes and ears to something so beautiful. You are very lovely and a blessing to me, Panta."

 

Snow falls from a tree branch and lands with a silent thump. Kyungsoo looks up to see a white cua land beside Panta and play with his cua. It has been some weeks since Panta followed him. The first few days had been strange with other townsfolk repeatedly sending curious glances and questions somewhat wary. They've seen cuar, of course, but only Panta has stayed and has played with others. 

Vorcelvar never stray into their town or stay aside from the mámar and the domesticated höayau. Most keep at bay or leave them alone. Tirmanwa once told Kyungsoo she thinks it might be magic that their ancestors created when they built the town. There were no records of the history of Lossëirin but she supposes they are the same with the other villages and towns beyond that have such magic. No one is sure so they have the cundor to keep watch just in case there comes a time they are attacked.

Everyone eventually warmed up to Panta, accepting the cua's constant presence in their little town. Chanyeol often puzzled over Panta's gender—and still does. The four pored over all the books they could find on birds which was not much and did not offer knowledge on taking care of one. Kyungsoo is only half certain he's doing a good job at this. But Panta proves to be quite self-sufficient and seems to want only to be in Kyungsoo's presence—the cua appears to revel at being fed and groomed by its chosen person. 

Kyungsoo smiles at the thought and his smile grows wider as he watches Panta fly along with the other cua. There's something so captivating about seeing cuar fly in the air. They make you want to experience such a thing as well.

He hears a soft crunch to his side and his head snaps to its direction. He only sees a fleeting whiteness amongst the trees. The silhouette appears to be a person and that has his eyebrows scrunching. Panta stands upon his shoulder with an inquiring sound. He speaks in a hushed whisper, "I do not know who that was, Panta."

A hint of anxiety nudges at his heart. There aren't supposed to be outsiders here. He knows that figure is not one of his comrades; they would not have fled like that. What is another person doing here in Calataurë? Do they not know that this is a potentially dangerous place? The vorcelvar are not always good-natured in dealing with humans, especially those who are not familiar with its paths.

Kyungsoo knows that no one from the other places would ever dare to come into Calataurë, anywhere into Nando Tyeldë that was not Lossëirin. Only the occasional travelers come by, adventurous as they are. But they always had someone from the town accompany them and they always go to Lossëirin first to speak with the condo. To his knowledge, no one has come into their town.

He belatedly thinks that he should have tried to follow the stranger. It is too late now though. They must have gotten far by now judging by the swift movements of earlier. 

Panta nudges its head against Kyungsoo's. He startles a bit before sighing and conceding to his cua's silent request. He walks back to the town. He isn't on duty today, simply taking a walk in the forest with Panta to let the cua spread its wings and interact with others of its kind, so he does not need to hunt. Despite the situation, his sicil is with him. His parents instilled in him the habit of always carrying it around for safety. One never knows.

Jongdae and Chanyeol greet him at the irendë as they all wait for Baekhyun who is on duty with Malantë. They note the mildly troubled expression on his face and ask him about it. He waves them off, promising to tell once Baekhyun arrives. The wait isn’t long with Baekhyun approaching moments later. They all badger him until he pushes them away from his personal space, Panta hopping down to his lap.

"Has anyone arrived who is not from here?"

The three look quizzically at each other. Jongdae is the one to answer. "No one. I would have known if there was. Why do you ask?"

"I was in Calataurë awhile ago." Kyungsoo bites the inside of his cheeks as his brows furrow. "I think I saw someone. I am sure he or she is not one of ours. Why would they run away from me?"

"You are the best hunter here, Kyungsoo. I would think anyone would be afraid for their life." Laughter follows Baekhyun's comment. It eventually dies down as Kyungsoo casts them a serious gaze. "Okay. This is serious. What of it? I am sure they would not come to Calataurë if they could not survive. And no one would dare attack our town single-handedly. That is suicide."

"But..." Kyungsoo trails off, unsure of what it was that has his mind in a troubled mess. There is something about this whole situation that doesn't quite fit. "No one ever comes."

"I am not too sure about that. There may be people who do and we simply do not know of it." Chanyeol leans back on his palms, face contorted in concentration. "Although I do think it would be wise if you were to tell this to Condo. She would know what to do."

"I was thinking of doing that. Jongdae, do you know where she might be right now?" An inquiring look is thrown at Jongdae. Kyungsoo supposes that his friend might know. Condo is always out with the roilië except when tending to more important matters such as visiting groups and significant festivities. Jongdae may have seen her return from the hunt.

"I have not seen her since she left for Calataurë. You are better off looking for her later at Alta Ocombë." Jongdae reaches out to run a finger against Panta's head. "I am sure she would not mind talking with you."

A soft sigh passes by Kyungsoo's lips. He looks down at Panta, placing a hand on the cua's body. Panta looks up at him with a small sound. To Kyungsoo, he hears it as a sound of mixed questioning and reassurance. He smiles a bit. "Yeah. I will do that."

As soon as the words leave his lips, his friends tackle him. Luckily, Panta is fast and escapes getting squashed. They're all telling him to stop worrying and they direct his attention elsewhere. 

Time passes and Anar soon sets. The fire is lit and everyone gathers around. Kyungsoo eventually walks over to Condo who welcomes his presence with warmth. Once he tells his story, there is mild concern on Condo's face. She tells him she will try to look into it and tells him to relax for now. Surely it is of no outstanding significance. Nothing bad has ever happened in all of Nando Tyeldë. All of the horrible stories always happen in other towns and villages, especially in Endëmar. One could say that Lossëirin is blessed with a harmonious balance with all of nature and of people. Kyungsoo nods slowly and night settles upon them.

 

Today is another rest day. Kyungsoo spends his morning in indolence, talking idly with his parents in the receiving room of their home. The white fire burns brightly in front of them inside a 2 feet square enclosure. 

Breakfast is always a healthy mix of edible vorolvar and warm tea. Lunch is always food from the Alta Ocombë they have put aside. Everyone's meals are the same with only slight variations. Some liked milk or water instead of tea. Some liked to cook the vorolvar while some liked them as is. The matilwar —cooks—provide everyone with seasonings they prepare every day.

Toward the afternoon, his parents throw him out of the house with a 'Go have fun! Live life!' Their laughter still rings in his ears and their smiling faces still fresh on his mind as he walks to the irendë. His friends are all still working so he sits down on a corner and watches the children playing. Panta flies over to the commotion and the children squeal in delight to see the cua. His lips stretch into a smile as they chase after his pet. 

He chuckles to himself as he thinks how this is not what his parents had in mind of him having fun and living life. His 20th birthday is mere weeks away. They must be worried he'll become even more of a recluse by then. His father has started to subtly drop names of girls and boys to court or even just to get closer to. His mother has been going over different towns and cities with him, making sure to highlight how beautiful they are.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees the nénhostar – those in charge of gathering water - pour it from their jars into the large crock in between Malantë's and Condo's house. There are 3 more at each corner of the complex being filled. Each household gets their water from these crocks and each day these are filled from the river closest to the town, Issír. 

He has been to the river multiple times with it being one of the places where roilië rest. It starts from the springs in the mountain, running down and into Híduinë, the largest river in Nando Tyeldë running in between the mountain ranges and out to Altaeäron, the Great Ocean. A book on Hrívë’s geography briefly explained that sairina made it possible for the existence of water. Had it not been for the god Sovallë, their land would not have water.

He has never been to Híduinë, a bit wary of the misty river and its secrets. Travelers are usually hyped up to see it. Those people are always drawn to mysteries and adventures. Exactly why they were up and about and in Nando Tyeldë in the first place.

Jongdae has expressed desire to go there, always so curious. Kyungsoo thinks his friend has a traveler's spirit and wouldn't be surprised if he should find Jongdae leaving to explore the world one day. He isn't quite sure how he'll cope with that but no matter what he'll still have Baekhyun and Chanyeol. And Panta, he thinks; as the cua flies to him, resting on his shoulder. A few of the children run up to him to try and coax Panta into playing more. Panta seems to reply to the children with a gentle coo. Kyungsoo pats his cua and then smiles sadly at the expecting children.

"I am sorry, little ones. Panta is tired and needs to rest." He receives a collective groan of disappointment and almost laughs at how synchronized the children could be when they're not so disorderly. "Panta will play with you all again later."

"You promise, Kyungsoo háno?" One of them asks, addressing Kyungsoo as 'brother' in respectful endearment. Most of the children tend to address those close to their age as such.

Kyungsoo smiles widely. He does tend to have somewhat of a soft spot for the children. Many a time, his friends would act childishly to try and get on his good side, which never really works. He only gets even more violent. "Of course. I promise. Now off you go so Panta may rest."

The children dawdle around for a while before finally relenting and running away. He watches as they play around before getting up. There's a compelling feeling to wander in Calataurë that pokes at him. He walks to the edge of the town and looks for Jongdae. When he does, he's brief with his intentions. "I am going to walk for a while."

Jongdae makes a sound of exasperation. "I know. Most of your rest days are spent in that forest." They've tried pulling him out of the habit but he just keeps on coming back. Kyungsoo can imagine the sour expression on his face as Jongdae’s lips quirk up. “Well, who knows? Your efforts may bear fruit and you will meet someone there. Tell us when you meet a beautiful wingil,” he says.

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. His friends have the most absurd ideas—nymphs! He doesn't believe wingili exist. They're nothing but children's tales to enchant young minds and expand imaginations. "You should get your mind washed at Poitala. I doubt Malantë has any medicine for craziness."

"I will drag you with me to that waterfall. Your violent soul needs cleansing as well." Jongdae laughs as he avoids Kyungsoo's punch. Panta flies up as Jongdae pushes him toward Calataurë. "Go on so you can be back before nightfall. We all know how you get carried away in there."

An indignant expression appears on Kyungsoo's face. "I do not 'get carried away'!"

"Of course, Kyungsoo. Now go on." Jongdae continues to push Kyungsoo who stumbles a bit in his steps. "You are disturbing me from my work."

"What work? You are just annoying the other cundor." Kyungsoo swats away the hands on his shoulders. He looks up to see Panta circling above his head.

Jongdae grins at the accusation, not an ounce of denial or apology on his face. "Exactly."

"Helcaran help the other cundor." Kyungsoo shakes his head before waving farewell to Jongdae who watches until he disappears behind the foliage. Panta flies ahead of him and darts high above the silver leaves. He doesn't fret, knowing they will find each other later. More specifically, Panta will find him. 

He walks slowly. Tiny scuffling and hushed predatory steps punctuate his every breath as he listens to the muted sounds of his surroundings. Songs of cuar from far away whisper in the wind like a lullaby. This is the path to Issír, and there are many vorcelvar living near the river. 

 

He arrives at the steadily flowing river without any disruptions. Panta is already there waiting for him. By this time, no nénhosta is dipping their jars to gather water. It is just him and Panta enjoying the quiet and the beautiful scene before them. The clear water is flowing from the mountains on his right toward the mountains on his left. 

He sits down on the elevated rock near the water. It's wide enough for him to lay down and stare at the sky full of grey clouds with peeks of Anar's light in between. He closes his eyes and pictures a light blue sky with a bright Anar.

For a long while, nothing happens. Some vorcelvar walking to Issír to drink had not disturbed Kyungsoo's meditation. He's used to the sounds they make, soft padding of feet and gentle lapping of water. Panta even sings at one point and he almost falls asleep from the wondrous melodies. Then it's silent again as Panta snuggles beside his head. 

At first, he only hears the small coos of Panta by his ear. A feeling takes over him to open his eyes. They blink rapidly to adjust to the light. He hums lowly, thinking of what might have caused the urge. He turns his head to the side. There's a faint figure from afar. He squints his eyes. Human. 

Someone is crouched down on the edge of the river.

Kyungsoo sits up in surprise when his mind finally comprehends what's happening. Instead of using hands to scoop up the water and drink, the person is lowering their head and drinking like an animal. That person is definitely not one of the townsfolk. No one would do such a thing. 

His voice gets caught up in his throat and ends in a garble. Somehow, the person hears it and turns to look at him. He can't make out any features from the long distance, but he could somewhat see that the other isn't wearing a tóvacco. The shadows of the trees hit the figure just right to hide everything from Kyungsoo except for a general guess of built and clothes. Before he could get down from the rock he's resting on, the stranger has already disappeared into the trees.

Booted feet land upon snow and Kyungsoo runs to where the strange person had been. Or his best guess at it, because there are no marks in the snow, no footprints. Everything seems undisturbed. 

Kyungsoo frowns in deep thought. Had he imagined all that? Was the person real? He bites his lip, continuing to question himself. The air seems colder and it makes him shiver and hunch his shoulders. He stares at the ground in wonder for a moment before shaking his head. He turns around and begins his walk back to the town with Panta flying close by. 

Anar is setting. Isil and her children are rising. 

Kyungsoo is left with a troubled mind.

 

Red steadily spreads across the snow to create a pink hue as blood drips from the rápolca, a boar-like creature with tusks as large as its body and as sharp as its teeth. The sicil that has slit through its neck hangs suspended in the air, held tightly by Kyungsoo's hand. Sullen eyes look down at the vorcelva in waning determination and growing sadness. Kyungsoo whispers 'Nai fëalya hiruva Helcaran.' He lays the rápolca down before taking out a piece of cloth and wiping the blood off his sicil. Once his sicil is secure inside his scabbard, he carries his hunt over to the town with Panta singing a mournful tune. There is only a brief exchange of nods between him and Jongdae. Today is a busy day, a special day. Today is Ilasta Anna—the monthly offering.

The festivity is much like the Alta Ocombë only that there is more food and songs, and is held at a different place. It is the only time the townsfolk, aside from the roilië, ever go deep within Calataurë.

The matilwar hurriedly take the rápolca from him once he reaches the irendë. Condo pats him on the back with a smile as she passes by, looking over everything that's taking place. He walks towards his parents who are helping with skinning the hunted vorcelvar and putting aside portions for the townsfolk to eat. The rest are placed on gleaming platters that Tano especially makes every month for Ilasta Anna. These platters are filled with food that are presented to Helcaran as they pray in thanks. 

Preparations soon finish with the meals cooked and the drinks secured. Palm-sized basins have been filled with leaves that are soon lit up. All of the children form two lines, holding a basin each. Surrounding them are their parents and relatives who watch over them attentively with some of them carrying the platters and others carrying their food. The roilië and cundor make up the outer lines with weapons ready. The vorcelvar never attack when they hold the procession but one is never too careful. Kyungsoo stands near the end of the line along with Jongdae while his parents, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol are near the middle. He maintains awareness of his parents as Ilasta Anna starts.

The procession is a solemn affair, a time for reflection for each person. No one utters a word nor strays from the lines, not even the children. The discipline and silence comes not from fear but from high respect and reverence for Helcaran. It's instinctual, a compelling feeling from deep within their souls. The only sound to be heard is Panta's singing, a low melody perfect in accompanying their thoughts. As they walk even deeper into the woods, other cuar start to sing along, flocking over to the trees on the edge of the well-worn trail the townsfolk are walking on. Anar is saying her last goodbye as they come into the middle of their long journey, pulling along with her the bright sky. Isil shines upon them with a gentle glow against the inky blue sky.

Soon, there is no need for the small fires in their hands. A bright shining light is up ahead. As they drew closer and closer, the forest is no longer too dark for their eyes. It is as if Isil has set foot upon the land with her white light gracing them. But it is not Isil. It is not one of her children. Rather, a pure white tree that glows. The town has named it Calatáva. The great tree is about as wide as a house and as tall as three. Its branches stretch far and wide, abundant with leaves. It is a magnificent sight to see and Kyungsoo always finds himself so entranced by it that Jongdae would need to nudge him to gather his wits back. Beside Calatáva's protruding roots is a slab of flat stone where they place their offerings. And on those roots, they sit and feast.

The night is soon filled with songs and dances. Unlike Alta Ocombë however, Ilasta Anna lacks the loud chatter of things that held no connection to Helcaran. Everyone is silent as the performances and prayers go on. They eat and drink with a certain kind of reservation. 

Kyungsoo watches beside his parents. While other tree roots may be uncomfortable to sit on, Calatáva is smooth, inexplicably so. At times, Kyungsoo even thinks it might be made from the same thing that some towns make called 'glass'. They don't have such a material in their little town. Only those nearer the Altaeäron could make them out of sand. Kyungsoo has never seen sand nor glass aside from the illustrations in books. But if he were to compare Calatáva to anything, it would be glass—strikingly white and sturdy glass.

To the people of Lossëirin, Calatáva was created by Helcaran and lit up by Isil. It is the place of retreat for the gods and goddesses – the Varya - especially of Helcaran. Its snowy color is unlike any they have ever seen—any that all the land has ever seen—and it could only mean that Calatáva is special to their god. It's why they always hold Ilasta Anna here, far away from their town. It continues well into the night until all have had their turn to give thanks. Once they have, everyone packs up all that they have brought with them except for the offerings. 

The basins are filled with leaves once more and are set ablaze. The procession line is organized the same as before. Kyungsoo nods to his parents and his friends as the march starts and he takes his position, nearer the blessed tree. A slight breeze passes by and one of the narrower and pliant branches tickles Kyungsoo's cheek with its leaves. He startles for a split second before holding the tip between his fingers. His eyes travel upward in time to see how the leaves twinkle with the wind.

A vague shadow sits high up in the tree, shrouded by lush leaves. Kyungsoo's face drains of color and his whole body plummets to cold degrees. His hand is on his sicil as he tries to figure out what the shadow is. As he squints his eyes and almost topples over tiptoeing to see better, Jongdae comes to his side to catch his attention.

"Kyungsoo, what are you looking at?"

"What?" Kyungsoo's head turns quickly to his friend with a bewildered look. He blinks before responding to the question. "I saw a shadow among the leaves."

Jongdae looks up as well with narrowed eyes, tilting his head back and forth to try and see the shadow Kyungsoo saw. It is to no avail. There is nothing out of the ordinary. He looks to his friend before patting the other's shoulder. "That is enough strolling in Calataurë for you. The trees might be getting to your head."

"Hey!" The indignant shout falls on deaf ears. Kyungsoo frowns at his friend before looking up once more. He couldn't find the shadow. Had it really been his imagination? Panta swoops to his shoulder at that moment. He looks at his cua. "Was it you, Panta?"

The cua simply tilts its head at him before nudging his cheek. Jongdae shrugs beside him, commenting, "It must have been Panta. What a silly cua, scaring your own master."

Kyungsoo hums before dragging Jongdae back to the procession. Just before the other trees swallow up the sight of Calatáva, Kyungsoo looks back. Everything is peaceful. Nothing is amiss. Calatáva stands beautifully. 

He sighs. In what, he isn't sure. Weariness maybe? Relief? But he sighs and looks ahead to the others. He keeps his guard up and makes sure to be vigilant to anything that moves near them. Jongdae draws close to smacking him across the head for being too vigilant but he catches the offending hand before it makes contact with his head. He points out that it is within perfect reason to be extra vigilant with everyone out there. He gets a roll of eyes as a reply before Jongdae launches a one-sided conversation with Panta about Kyungsoo needing to relax and not go to Calataurë for a while. He tunes his friend out until they reach the town. He bids Jongdae a good night as they part ways. Jongdae tells him to slow down with his thoughts and think about visiting another town to wind down.

 

Leaving is not an option in Kyungsoo's mind. Not even for a day. Lossëirin is his home. He's quite reluctant to go out of its familiarity. This is where he's happy, he thinks to himself as he lies on his bed. He pulls the thick blanket to his chin and watches the small flame at the corner of his room. Despite the strange things he's been seeing lately, nothing could make him walk away from his hometown. Nothing could make him leave his parents. Not the prospect of learning about the world. Not the prospect of experiencing new things. Not the strange shadows that lurk and haunt him. He will stay, gather his wits, and protect what he holds precious—Lossëirin, his parents, his friends, everyone.

 

Visiting Calatáva the following day is expected. Kyungsoo wonders if this is necesssary, but the thought of a stranger lurking around Calataurë nags at him. There's something quite not right about this. He needs to make sure what it is so he can sleep well later tonight—and for the rest of his nights. 

Panta's beak gently pressing on his temple disrupts his train of thought. He looks at the cua before mumbling a quiet apology. Even Panta is worried about him. He should get this over with. His steps grow quicker as he nears his destination and come to a sudden halt when he's near enough.

Right there on the slab of stone underneath Calatáva sits a boy—perhaps the same person he has seen at the riverbank. It isn't the fact that the other is casually eating the offerings to Helcaran that has him shocked. Nor is it the stark white hair or the extremely pale skin or the thin sleeveless top and equally thin pants or the bare feet. No. It's the sight of everything the boy touches. They all freeze, surrounded by thin ice. The food touched and frozen are all eaten so casually. Kyungsoo is, to say the least, entranced by what is continuing to unfold before him. The slow burn of excitement and piqued interest spreads over him as he thinks of how ethereal the other looked despite how crude the movements are. Such power could only mean one thing.

Everything changes when Panta lets out a small trill of enquiry. The boy's head whips in their direction and Kyungsoo is frozen by the icy blue—almost white—eyes. They pierce him like swords and the air around him grows unbearably cold. He tries to speak but all that he could articulate is incoherent syllables. The food is dropped and the stranger stands upon the snow, slowly walking towards Kyungsoo. Panta's peck on his temple gets him out of his state. His voice comes in a low and hesitant whisper.

"He-Helcaran?"

The stranger stops, eyes looking fiercely at Kyungsoo before softening. It changes his whole disposition, softens his looks. It makes Kyungsoo take note of the slightly chubby cheeks and small slanted eyes. He could see the well-defined arms as his gaze lowers. He bows his head and kneels down in shame.

"Helcaran, I am sorry for disturbing you. Punish me as you see fit." Kyungsoo bears the snow melting underneath his knees and shins, cold water seeping into his pants. How deplorable to have disturbed their god during his meal! He should have known that it must have been Helcaran who has come to visit the world from the heavens. Now he has angered their god. He could not help but berate himself. Time passes as he remains kneeling and it causes the shame and fear to grow tenfold. When he's just about consumed by them, Helcaran speaks to him.

"Rise. I will not punish you." Helcaran's voice is calm and light, a bit clipped as if underused. "Your legs will grow cold from the snow."

Kyungsoo's movements are jerky but he stands, head still bowed. "I do not deserve such kindness, my god, but thank you for granting it to me."

"What is your name?" 

"My name is Kyungsoo, Helcaran." The surreality of what is happening to Kyungsoo right now has his mind in jumbles and tumbles. He could not believe how lucky he is to have met Helcaran in their god's corporeal form and be forgiven for his insolence so simply. Helcaran has even asked for his name. He doesn't know how he's still holding up. It might be all a dream.

There's a hum of acknowledgment that follows Kyungsoo's answer before he hears Helcaran’s voice again. "Raise your head, Kyungsoo. I wish to speak with you face to face."

“I—" Kyungsoo stops himself from arguing about how disrespectful that is. He is just a human. Thick lips purse into a line before Kyungsoo slowly looks up with warm cheeks and shy eyes. He could not get himself to look upon Helcaran's beautiful face again. He startles when a pale hand comes close to his eyes and motions for him to look up further. His brown eyes get caught by the icy blue eyes of Helcaran. He couldn't help but suck in a breath as the frown on Helcaran's lips turn up to a smile.

"There we go." Helcaran pulls his hand back to his side. "You are interesting, Kyungsoo."

 

The complimented boy's eyes widen, noting with awe how the other has around the same height as him for them to be able to talk eye to eye. The question of why Helcaran chose to look like this quickly comes and goes in his mind. Everything in there is a mess. His cheeks grow warmer. "I am not interesting at all, my god."

"But you are. Come and eat with me." Helcaran begins to walk to the stone again, not even doubting that Kyungsoo would follow. "You seem like you need a drink to calm down."

Kyungsoo could not give a reply and only wordlessly follows Helcaran. It's at this time he notices the ground that Helcaran steps on seems undisturbed, snow quickly filling in again as soon as a foot rises from the ground. 

Oh, he thinks. This is why he could not find any footprints back then. Again, he berates himself for not having thought of it. But the likelihood of him just imagining things had been far greater than actually seeing their god from afar. He brings his attention back to the present before he trips himself over the stone and all over the food and drink. Helcaran is already sitting cross-legged and eating a piece of frozen meat. A moment passes with Kyungsoo just standing there, staring. The other eventually looks up from the meal to regard his unmoving companion.

"Will you not sit down?" The words are filled with amusement. "I do not think standing there is relaxing."

"Oh." Kyungsoo's body moves before his mind could wrap around him sitting down and facing Helcaran. "But I cannot stay for long. I have disturbed you already and I must get going."

Helcaran holds a contemplative gaze. "I see. Yes. Your people must be looking for you."

"It is not that, my god. They will not look for me." Wide eyes dart up and down from another pair to the food below. Kyungsoo couldn't force himself to maintain eye contact, not when he keeps on thinking he's talking almost so casually with their god. Or rather, their god is talking so casually to him while he tries his best to be as respectful as he can. "But I must get to hunting for dinner."

“Ah, of course." Helcaran lays the food on his hand back onto the platter. Kyungsoo catches the other’s eyes shifting towards his sheathed sicil at his waist and the quinga piliniyë at his back. There is a brief pause before Helcaran speaks again. "I will not hold you back from your duty."

Kyungsoo bows his head. "Thank you very much."

"I will ask you this. Do not to mention my presence here. I do not want people to flock over."

The serious countenance on Helcaran is almost scary. It has Kyungsoo at the edge of his nerves, almost flinching back. The Varya are quite menacing when they want to be, he thinks. But he understands the reason for the command. He is only human and he already does not like being drowned by a multitude of people. Helcaran seems to share his love for privacy. He smiles a bit, lips tugging up hesitantly as he steadies his gaze on the other's face. "I promise. No one will know you are here, Helcaran."

"I will hold you to that, Kyungsoo." The hard look mellows before another smile appears. "Off you go then."

Kyungsoo blinks once before bowing his head down. "I will take my leave now. Thank you very much for your kindness. Please enjoy our offerings."

"Be careful, Kyungsoo. Evil is never too far." Helcaran's smile remains even while Kyungsoo tilts his head in confusion. Helcaran’s head tilts towards the trail. "Go."

No more words are spoken between them. Instead, Kyungsoo takes his leave in bewilderment. He walks along the trail and as soon as he passes the first tree, Panta swoops down to perch upon his shoulder. 

Startled, Kyungsoo jumps and it has Panta hovering away for a moment. When he comes to, he gives a frown at his cua. His heart is beating fast. "Panta, you scared me."

The accusation is answered with a low coo before Panta is on his shoulder again, head bending down to nuzzle his cheek. He sighs before running a finger down Panta's head with a whisper of 'I forgive you'. 

There's an urge to look back and when he does, Helcaran is smiling at him and waving. He's taken aback by it and awkwardly waves a farewell before continuing on. His thoughts are scattered all over the place as he walks to one of his hunting grounds. When he hears a scuffle, he stops and listens, trying to focus all his mental facilities to hunting. 

There. To his left. He grabs his quinga piliniyë, string pulled taut and pilin aimed at his target. One breath and two before the pilin cuts through the air and between trunks of trees. The kill is fast. The tarucca is dead in an instant.

Sighing, Kyungsoo walks toward the fallen vorcelva. He bends down and mutters his prayer like always. But this time he pauses right after. Ah, Helcaran is here though. Does he hear these prayers still now that he is down on land? Maybe. He adds another apology to his prayer. 

Panta flies away from his shoulder once he picks up the tarucca, carrying it on his back. His mind is walking back to the white-haired boy as his body walks to town. Repeating everything—image after image, word after word—only brings him a headache. There is something he can't quite place about the whole meeting. But maybe it was all about seeing such physical features. Everyone in Lossëirin is dark-haired and brown-eyed. Some paler than others—Kyungsoo being one of them—but never as pale as Helcaran. Helcaran's skin had been iridescently white like his hair. And those sharp feline-like eyes seemed to hold him in place with just one look. Kyungsoo could only describe Helcaran as beautiful, an out of this world beauty.

Kyungsoo falls in a daze all through the rest of the day and night. There are no threats of homicide that leave him when his friends tease him, only half-hearted hums at awkward moments. His friends pester him about his lack of violent responses. 

Despite all their pleading and bargaining, not a word slips past him. He had made a promise. Instead, he lets them think that it must be another effect of his wanderings in the forest. Although truthfully, perhaps neither Jongdae, Baekhyun, nor Chanyeol believe the reason they settle with. They could probably see that Kyungsoo will keep it a secret and they respect that. They will just have to find out by other means. 

Even Seokju and Misun questioned Kyungsoo's behavior. They keep a close eye on him as even as he eats distractedly and they make sure to tell him that nothing he says will make them love him less when they were off to sleep. Kyungsoo nods reassuringly before bidding them a good night and I love you's.

Guilt knocks at his door once he lays down on the bed. He is a private person, no doubt about that. This kind of secret though is something he could barely bear alone. Anyone would be bubbling with excitement to tell everyone they had seen their god in the flesh. It is with more difficulty that he sews his mouth shut. He has never kept such important things from his friends and especially not his parents. 

Helcaran. He feels a tug on his chest as he thinks of the image of Helcaran smiling at him, as he hears once more Helcaran telling him he is interesting. Someone so important and coveted telling him that he is interesting. He couldn't help the smile on his lips as feelings of guilt and apprehension melt away for more light-hearted and good emotions. His insides are as warm as his room. He falls asleep to Panta singing him a lullaby and a gummy smile on his mind.

This is the start of something unimaginable. Phenomenal.

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)   



	3. Runya Neldë

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

The very next day, Kyungsoo sets out for Calatáva again. His hurried steps smudge across the canvas of snow. Vorcelvar stay away from his determined figure, merely watching from afar. 

He wants to know. He wants to validate that he isn't going crazy and he had actually met Helcaran yesterday. Earlier, he had repeatedly asked Panta if it had really happened and he ended up with a strong peck to the forehead. His cua is now flying around somewhere in Calataurë. He's even less worried about that today because all he can think of is seeing Helcaran again. Maybe have a longer conversation. Ask all sorts of questions about the world if he were allowed to. Learn more about Helcaran and the other Varya.

His enthusiasm skyrockets and his nerves crash into him as he arrives at the clearing. Helcaran is already there, sitting and smiling at him. Nothing has changed about the other's appearance yet at that peaceful moment, against the beautiful backdrop and Anar's light, Helcaran is majestic. The air around him shimmering and Kyungsoo thinks that even that snowy skin is too. Kyungsoo stares, astounded and fixated. Completely enraptured. He knows in himself that he would not see anything more resplendent in all his life. Even as Helcaran approaches him, he remains transfixed on his spot, the Varya’s soft laughter filling his mind.

"Do you like standing a lot, Kyungsoo?" Helcaran's voice is clearer today. It no longer had the roughness from before. "I think it is tiring."

"I-That is..." Kyungsoo tries to make sense of his disorganized thoughts. He's really here. What was the question? Oh. He feels his cheeks warm. "I did not think you would be here."

An eyebrow is raised before a bemused smile forms. There is not an ounce of uncertainty or reservation in the words that follow. "You were hoping though. You wanted to see me."

"I do." Kyungsoo admits this with a bowed head and fidgeting fingers. Of course Helcaran would know. Helcaran knows everything. He couldn't help the feeling of embarrassment at being caught in his intentions. He didn't want to appear too eager nor to invade in Helcaran's privacy.

"I bet that is not all. Come. Let us sit." Again, Helcaran does not wait for a response before beginning to walk towards the stone. "I like your honesty, Kyungsoo. It is quite refreshing."

Kyungsoo doesn't know how much more he can take of Helcaran complimenting and commending him. He tries to focus on getting to their destination without tripping. "Thank you."

"In this land, there are very few like you." Helcaran's demeanor turns sour, frown and knitted brows. The air turns sharp and hard ice crystals form around him. It is only Kyungsoo's loud inhale that breaks him from his thoughts and that crystals fall like rain upon the snowy ground, melting away. "I am deeply sorry for that."

With only that brief display of power, Kyungsoo could feel just how strong Helcaran is. He clears his throat before speaking. "There is no need to apologize, my god. It was beautiful."

This time, Helcaran looks back at Kyungsoo. At first, the smile is tight-lipped. But it stretches to a merry one. Blank eyes crinkle in delight. "Thank you. I will show you more later."

"Later..." Kyungsoo whispers as he stares at the smile. Somehow he feels that Helcaran doesn't do such a thing often. It's almost awkward but that must be the charm to it. He gives a smile of his own that others have told him was his most attractive feature. "Later."

 

The dazzling smile has Helcaran reeling back a bit. He really made a good choice—a great choice. Kyungsoo is perfect. He knows that. They get to the stone and he sits cross-legged while Kyungsoo's feet stay on the ground, hands clasped together on top of his lap. "So, Kyungsoo, what is it you want to ask me?"

"Is it okay to ask?" Kyungsoo doesn't want to impose on Helcaran even when the other is being so casual with him. It seems like he's taking advantage of the kindness presented to him. And that is the last thing he wants to do. The very, very last thing.

"I would not urge you if it was not okay." The reassurance is punctuated by a short laugh. "Now, ask me."

Kyungsoo stumbles upon what the right words would be. He must be careful how he asks this. Incurring a god's wrath is another thing at the most bottom part of his to-do list. He would rather not offend a god, especially one who created their land. "If you do not mind me asking...why did you come down here?"

The silence that stretches between them unnerves Kyungsoo as much as Helcaran's steely gaze on him. He berates himself for having asked such a personal question. He should have known better. Helcaran would not appreciate any sort of invasion on his privacy. He had tried not to sound demeaning nor accusatory in any way but it might still have seemed that way to Helcaran. Although, Kyungsoo wishes with all his heart that his question had not been taken as such. He is only curious. Always has been.

His eyes look down on his hands when he couldn't take the silence any longer. He mumbles an apology that is quickly put to rest by a hand hovering above his own. He stares wide eyed at it. Coldness seeps into his skin even if the hand isn't even holding his. 

Helcaran breaks his stupor. "Like you said Kyungsoo, there is no need to apologize. I was simply taken aback that it would be the first thing you ask me."

Kyungsoo's eyes widen considerably as his head snaps up to look at the other. He tries to give a reasonable explanation but his mouth only hangs open. Helcaran's laughter paints his cheeks a pale red. “I was—”

"It is perfectly fine, Kyungsoo." Helcaran moves his hand away and across the air in a dismissive manner. The result is a few snowflakes hovering before Kyungsoo's eyes. Kyungsoo almost becomes cross-eyed watching them float in front of him. "The answer is very plain. Nothing exciting. I want to see everything up close."

Kyungsoo moves his focus from the snowflakes to Helcaran. "I do not think your reason is plain. It must be exciting for you. Although you might have done it before. I do not know."

A light hum accompanies more snowflakes gathering in front of Kyungsoo, dancing in the air. Kyungsoo follows it with his eyes. "You are very...innocent, Kyungsoo,” Helcaran notes.

"Innocent?" Kyungsoo frowns in confusion. Is it because he's taking pleasure in watching the power display? Truthfully, he has developed a slight aversion to such descriptions because people always held a condescending manner when they tell him he is this or that. His frown deepens at seeing Helcaran's smile. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean to say that you are good at feeling for others. You have a kind heart." Helcaran combines the snowflakes into a large one before dispersing them into glittering dust that fall on Kyungsoo. "It is not a bad thing. I quite like it. It is very...refreshing."

All of Kyungsoo's outer appearance is now shimmering, from his hair to his tóvacco, from his pants to his boots. He looks down on his glittering self, shaking his head as he meets Helcaran’s wide smile. The Varya suddenly laughs, and Kyungsoo tilts his head in bewilderment.

"I look ridiculous, Helcaran."

"I think it suits you very much, though." Helcaran makes patterns on Kyungsoo's clothes and even on Kyungsoo's hair. He makes the dust jump around and slide across Kyungsoo's skin. "You look like a heavenly being yourself."

"What?" Kyungsoo could not help the dumbfounded exclamation. The other is being ludicrously excessive with the compliments, which Kyungsoo knows he does not deserve. To be compared to the Varya and their blessed servants is a sacrilege. The feelings of flattery that drum at his heart are disregarded. "Definitely not, Helcaran! I am not. Such a compliment is too much for someone as lowly a servant as I am."

"Am I not Helcaran? Can I not praise people as I see fit?" With an eyebrow raised, Helcaran seems miffed. 

Kyungsoo immediately stiffens and bows his head. It feels as if the dust grows colder, prickling him. “I did not mean to offend you, my god. But to be compared to-to—” 

"To the Varya. I am comparing you to the Varya in the heavens. You are as beautiful as them." The dust become calmer and continue their dance on Kyungsoo’s skin and clothes. Helcaran's smile is a bit crooked. "And kinder. Much kinder." 

"Such words...I..." There is nothing Kyungsoo could think of that would be a proper reply. Nothing that would not offend Helcaran or his upbringing. Accepting is not a choice. Denying is not one either. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration, the dust scattering and falling when he does. 

Helcaran's eyes shine with mirth, smile stretching wide. He hums a delighted tune as he makes the shimmering dust dance once more. Snowflakes appear every so often before exploding into spectra. 

They fall into a somewhat companionable silence until Kyungsoo announces his departure. “Until next time, my dear Kyungsoo,” Helcaran bids.

Just before the edge of the clearing, Kyungsoo turns around to bow down. When he straightens, he doesn't flinch as Panta lands upon his shoulder. He murmurs an affectionate 'Hi there' as his fingers stroke the cua. Their walk back to the town takes longer than their walk from it. Now, Kyungsoo leisurely strolls underneath the overarching branches while thinking about Helcaran and the praises he had been showered with. The snowy performance could not hold a match against the words that keep repeating themselves in his mind, almost as if he could hear them being said near him again and again. They give him such queer feelings of elation and distress. From the two meetings, Helcaran always left Kyungsoo as such. 

 

Helcaran had been nowhere in sight for the following four days. Kyungsoo went to Calatáva and waited for hours with Panta circling above his head and playing across the huge tree's branches. He even kept a sharp eye out while he hunted. But everything is to no avail. 

There was absolutely no trace of Helcaran or their meetings. He has begun to question on the second night if things had been the workings of his mind after all. It devastates him to think it might have all been his imaginings. Had those been his deepest desires? To discover something or someone out of this world? To be special? To be exalted as one of the higher beings? The horrors of those implications of his self keep him awake. They shadow over him, bringing fear and torment.

How could that be? He has never yearned for such things in his life. He is a simple person with simple joys. To make his family and friends happy has always been his one true desire. He doesn't wish for anyone to spend his lifetime with. He doesn't wish anything for himself except for his home and some food. He has devoted most of his time for the town. The possibility of him having such incredulous and selfish inner desires paralyzes him at night—the time when he can allow himself to ponder. How could this have happened? This is not him. This is not the self he knows. There could not be such darkness in him. To aspire to be on the same footing as the Varya is blasphemous. He had always been content with his life—with his status as a mere hunter in a small town at the edge of the land. This cannot be him.

Heaviness weighs down upon him and everyone sees the change. They try to coax him out of his miserable mood and they manage to make him smile a little every day. His friends had taken one look at him and dragged him all over the place. They made him play with the children, meet with their peers, and hang out at the foot of the mountain. They were so close to throwing him to the waterfalls or to the river, screaming about washing his worries away. He drew the line there. He had scrambled out of their hold before they could even be near any body of water. Now, the four of them are sprawled on the snow, catching their breaths. The outrageousness of it all that just comes so naturally to them makes him laugh heartily. Three other laughters follow and Kyungsoo feels light at that moment. And then heavy the next—literally, as Jongdae flops on top of him. Then Baekhyun. And of course, Chanyeol. He pushes them off with the force of his glare and the threat of dismemberment.

"So are you ready for storytelling or should we attempt to cleanse you again?" Baekhyun sits up, looking down on the still lying Kyungsoo. "I do not mind carrying you and throwing you around if it means you stop sulking. It is quite unsightly."

"Your face is unsightly, Baekhyun." Jongdae snickers at his own retort. It garners Kyungsoo's amused smile, Chanyeol's boisterous laughter, and Baekhyun's scowl. He manages to get away from the attack Baekhyun attempted. "Now, now, Baekhyun. Let us focus on Kyungsoo here."

"You are only diverting the conversation because you know I am actually very handsome." Baekhyun smirks as they roll their eyes and scoff at him. Kyungsoo stands up. "Why are you standing up?"

"I did not think you were this stupid." Kyungsoo shakes his head, smiling when Baekhyun gives an indignant yell. "It is cold and lying down on the snow is not helping me get warmer. Why else do you think I am standing? You ask stupid questions."

Baekhyun takes Chanyeol's outstretched hand and pulls himself up. "What is this? Why are you all teasing me? I thought we were discussing Kyungsoo and his sulking."

"Teasing you makes Kyungsoo feel better though." Chanyeol grins down at his friend. Baekhyun laughs sarcastically before punching Chanyeol lightly on the stomach. It makes the latter laugh. There's absolutely no strength to it. They both turn to look at Kyungsoo who is already walking away from them alongside Jongdae. "Hey! Why are you guys leaving us?"

"Because you both are awfully slow." Jongdae wraps an arm around Kyungsoo's shoulder. A moment after he finishes his sentence, Chanyeol and Baekhyun are at their heels and they get entangles into a four-way hug of some sort. Kyungsoo pushes them away in exasperation.

"I know I said I wanted to get warmer, but this is not what I was talking about."

Chanyeol drapes himself over Kyungsoo's much smaller body. The latter curses at how unfairly tall their friend is. "This is the best way to warm up! You are so comfortable."

"I am not a pillow, Chanyeol. Get off me." Kyungsoo elbowing Chanyeol's gut does nothing and his two other friends are just laughing. He takes a deep breath before murmuring in a deceivingly calm voice, "My fist is very close to where the sun does not shine so if you value your manhood, you will get off of me."

At that Chanyeol jumps away while laughing awkwardly. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at his friends. They eventually gather in a circle at the irendë where Anar is bathing them with warm light. Three pairs of eyes look at Kyungsoo in both eagerness and intimidation. He shakes his head at them, taking a deep breath afterward. "Who are we? Do we truly know who we are?"

"What are you talking about, Kyungsoo?" Baekhyun looks at his friend, perplexed. It isn't only him but both Jongdae and Chanyeol as well. They probably couldn't grasp where the questions came from. All of a sudden. Out of the blue. They always thought his mind dwelt on things others simply accepted because Kyungsoo has never shared those thoughts until now.

Jongdae flicked Kyungsoo's forehead, earning him a glare. "You see? This is why I tell you not to walk around in Calataurë by yourself all the time. You start to think too much and get swallowed by your mind. You have no lid to your pot."

"That is not the case!" The denial simmers down to shame when the three raise eyebrows at Kyungsoo. He frowns before murmuring in a low voice, "Fine. I admit this one time that I might have let myself get carried away. But you still have not answered me."

"We do not know what answer you are seeking, Kyungsoo. I am Chanyeol. I am a citizen of Lossëirin. I like to write sonnets and play music. I like my family and friends. I like food. He is Baekhyun. He is annoying. He is Jongdae. He is even more annoying." Chanyeol shrugs before ducking away at the punches Baekhyun and Jongdae aim at him. He grins as Kyungsoo's lips form a small smile.

"And Chanyeol is the most annoying of all." Jongdae successfully cuffs Chanyeol at the back of the head. He looks seriously at Kyungsoo. "You. You are Kyungsoo—beloved by the whole town. You are the best hunter. You keep to yourself an awful lot and need your most amazing friends to pull you out."

"You are horribly uncreative at naming. You are quick to rile up and easy to tease. You are married to hunting and books. Quite short as well." Baekhyun lists these things off as he counts with his fingers, not even flinching when Kyungsoo presses a hand on his cheek and forcefully pushes his face away.

"Shut your mouth, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun, in turn, merely laughed at the glare. "You were asking!"

"Oh." Chanyeol suddenly sits up straight. He looks at Kyungsoo curiously before breaking out into a wide grin. "Is this about your 20th birthday?"

"Ohh!" Jongdae and Baekhyun look at each other then at Kyungsoo with a grin matching Chanyeol's. He doesn't like how his friends are creepily coming closer and looming over him. But before he could escape, they pile over him for the second time that day. They cuddle him in a tangle of limbs, elbows digging onto sides and chests, knees hitting legs. There's an overload of disjointed sentences that are mostly sarcastic and teasing coos directed at Kyungsoo. He lays there for a while, letting his friends have their fun before clearing his throat.

"Get off me." He scowls to no one in particular. All he could see are crowns of heads knocking against each other in excitement. "You all smell awful."

"We do not!" The three exclaim in unison, hovering over Kyungsoo who rolls his eyes at them. He's gotten used to the synchronization his friends sometimes exhibited. They're like triplets - extremely physically different triplets. He forces himself out of their hold and watches them stumble on each other as balance becomes elusive. He laughs at the sight.

Baekhyun is the first to right himself. "So your birthday is in 5 days. What are your plans?"

"Yeah. What are your plans?" Chanyeol sits up by pulling at Baekhyun's shoulder. The consequential yelp is ignored. He only looks on excitedly, fingers tapping away at his knees as he waits.

If Kyungsoo had to choose who is the most energetic of the three, he would choose Chanyeol without any hesitation. He's still wondering how the other could have chosen such a career path that contrasted greatly with the peppy personality. No. He's wondering how any of his friends have been able to calm themselves enough for their jobs. It's probably because they shower all that energy over Kyungsoo and definitely not because they've grown older. He doesn't think their minds have matured much at all these past years. Today is a great example. Of course, there are golden moments of sobriety, brief as they are.

"I do not have any." Kyungsoo looks up to see Panta circle around him before darting to the children. "I will spend it like any other day in my life."

 

On the fifth day since Kyungsoo’s meeting with Helcaran, Kyungsoo finally finds the Varya humming to himself under Calatáva and making small ice people dance in the air. He couldn't explain the surge of feeling that washes over him. Relief is what he settles with. And then doubt strides in cockily, elbowing him and pulling at his hair. 

Once more, he tentatively walks toward Helcaran who remains seemingly oblivious to him. Is this really all a figment of his imagination? An illusion born from dark desires? His friends have always emphasized how unimaginative he is. This can't be his mind playing tricks on him. The cold sensations had been real. And even as he walks closer now, the air turns colder and colder.

"You look rather worse for wear, Kyungsoo. Did something happen?" Helcaran doesn't let his gaze lift from the dancers of his creation. They twirl and twirl and leave shining snow in their wake. After a moment of silence, he leads them to Kyungsoo who is now standing beside him. He cranes his neck up to see the snow settle delicately on Kyungsoo once more like glittering dust. He smiles despite the weary countenance of the other. "What are you troubled with?"

Troubled with is describing Kyungsoo's state of mind mildly. He's a wreck—a volcanic wasteland he's only heard about in tall tales of fantasy. The one thought echoing loudly in his mind against all others is the need to prove his sanity. His hands twitch with the need to hold onto Helcaran and to feel the reality of his existence. He furrows his eyebrows and locks his jaw as he ponders on whether to act on the growing need that doubt orchestrates in him. He's surprised at the sudden laughter that brings him back.

"You looked scary." The explanation for the laughter comes in a light-hearted manner. "You seemed to be thinking whether or not to kill me."

"No! Absolutely not!" Kyungsoo exclaims in agitation. He immediately drops to his knees and bows his head down low. "I would never think of such a thing, Helcaran. Never."

"I am joking, Kyungsoo. Raise your head." The ice figures tilt Kyungsoo's face up for Helcaran to see. "You are so beautiful."

Kyungsoo couldn't lower his head again from the surprising amount of strength the miniature creations are holding onto him. Instead, he darts his eyes elsewhere and bites the inside of his cheek. He feels his thoughts come upon him like sharp knives. 

No. He is not dreaming. 

He is not hallucinating. 

The cold upon his skin is real. 

He does not want to be praised. 

Helcaran is real. He is truly here. 

His hands grip his pants tightly.

"What is it? What are you thinking, Kyungsoo?" The enquiry is spoken softly but the tone is commanding.

"It is nothing to concern yourself with, my god." Kyungsoo startles as one of the creations taps at his lower lip as if in admonishment. He goes cross-eyed trying to peer down at it. Blinking several times, he stares at Helcaran in confusion.

Helcaran smiles. "You must not say that. I am worried. Now tell me what is on your mind."

Tingles run down Kyungsoo's spine as he continues to lock gazes with Helcaran. He could not lie but he could not bring himself to ask what he wants—to be allowed to touch. Even the simple thought of a barely there touch has him reeling at his audacity. His gaze flickers down again in shame. How could he even think of touching a god? How presumptuous of him. He feels a heaviness settle within him. All of a sudden, a hand is in front of him, fingers guiding his eyes upward. He couldn't help but follow and stare in longing at the hand.

"Do you want to touch me?"

"To-touch you?" Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. "I could never! That is certainly beyond me! You are a god and I am inconsequential, only a human. I could not be so bold as to do such a thing."

"Kyungsoo." Helcaran cuts the other off sternly before any more words spill out of those trembling lips. "What have I told you before? _I_ am the one to decide what can and cannot be done. You can touch me."

Time comes to a halt in Kyungsoo's mind. He couldn't move an inch of his body. Helcaran has given him permission to let himself feel that pallid skin against his own. 

His breathing becomes shallow as desire and excitement spread to his arms and hands. But he holds himself in place, an unsure part chaining him. He looks on helplessly at Helcaran. When the frowning lips turn thin as they slowly stretch into a wide smile, Kyungsoo could feel his hands moving on their own. They gingerly rise to cover Helcaran's own that are resting on the other's lap. Kyungsoo could feel the burning cold of those powerful hands—smooth hands unlike his own calloused ones. He jolts when a thin layer of ice begins to spread across his skin and almost moves away if not for Helcaran holding him there.

Everything becomes even more of a mess as soon as Helcaran brings Kyungsoo's hands up and kisses them lightly. Kyungsoo feels faint, the edges of his sight darkening. He couldn't piece together any of his thoughts. They all pop up suddenly and stop abruptly before they can even end. A feeling of numbness envelopes him tightly, claws piercing everywhere and sinking its fangs into his heart. He couldn't feel himself breathe—doesn’t even know if he's breathing. His body is incredibly warm except for his freezing limbs. He can’t comprehend what happened, what is happening to him. There is only the ludicrous fact of his hands having been kissed, the bewildering lingering feeling of those lips against the backs of his hands. He is altogether baffled at the serene smile Helcaran bestows him.

"You feel warm, Kyungsoo, like a small fire." Helcaran rubs his thumbs against Kyungsoo's hands and delights in the shiver it produces. "I like it very much."

With a last brief tightening of his hold, Helcaran lets go. Kyungsoo gasps for air when it happens, pressing his hands to his heart. He feels like he has just been dunked into the river for a long time and has only now managed to resurface. The wild clamoring of his heart is unbearable and distress is pulling him to his shaking feet. He stumbles a lot and he laments on making such a fool of himself in front of Helcaran who is still sitting down and looking on with an amused smile. He bows his head down quickly and mutters incoherent apologies and excuses that only garner low chuckles. 

He's absolutely petrified, mortified, and out of his depth. And he runs away on his trembling legs. 

He doesn't pay attention to anything or anyone, ignoring all calls from his friends once he's arrived at the town. He pleads to his parents to leave him alone for the night as he tucks himself away in his room and curls into his blanket with absolutely no intention of going to Alta Ocombë and facing everyone. He breathes heavily and keeps his hands close to his heart as the ghost feeling of lips remain on them. All his thoughts whisper and shout the same thing.

Helcaran kissed the undeserving him, his dirty hands.

 

Morning greets Kyungsoo with the sweet smell of incense and a kind, aging face. Málantë is peering down at him with a smile as he rubs his eyes and looks to the door to see both his parents standing there with worried and apologetic faces. It takes a while before coherency catches up to him. His face pales before becoming a pink hue. After sleeping, he realizes how unsightly he acted yesterday despite what happened. He had always been composed even at the worst of circumstances. It's the first time he had behaved in such a manner so it isn't surprising to be in this situation at the moment.

"Mother, father, I am sorry for worrying you." His voice is a bit rough from sleep, a little shaky as he sits up on his bed. He turns to Málantë who is sitting on the edge of his bed. "Good morning, Málantë."

The apothecary reaches a hand out to place upon Kyungsoo's head. "Good morning, Ancalima. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, Málantë. I am." Kyungsoo manages a smile. "Thank you for burning nísimaúr. The storm in my head has cleared."

"It has. But you should stay at home for today so we are completely sure." The hand that was only resting on top of Kyungsoo's head now ruffles the black unruly hair. Málantë laughs when the young man in front of him quietly grumbles. "I will leave some more nísimaúr for later. You should try not to let your troubles get to you. An adult handles these things with finesse."

A brief look of shame passes by Kyungsoo's face before he smiles minutely. "I will do my best."

"I know you will. Do not lament over my words, Ancalima. They are only reminders. You are the most mature out of your peers, that is true. But it will not hurt to be guided when astray. Nor is it shameful to have gone astray." Málantë smiles and looks at Kyungsoo with the wisdom he has accumulated in the years of his living. "We are only humans, after all."

Kyungsoo's tight-lipped smile eases to a more honest one. Somehow, the guilt and confusion circling around him water down to something more bearable. He breathes in the calming aroma of the burning leaves they use as incense and breathes out the darkness clinging onto him. "Thank you very much for your wise words, Málantë. I will keep them in mind."

"You are welcome, Ancalima. Rest well. I would advise you not to go into the forest until your birthday. Baekhyun seems to think your time alone there is causing you trouble. And I do trust his judgment. I think time spent with your family and friends would do your mind good." Málantë pats Kyungsoo's hand before standing up straight, the only sign of his aging is that slight hunch of his shoulders. "I shall be on my way then."

"Nai Anar caluva tiëlyanna." Kyungsoo and his parents greet at the same time, 'May Anar shine on your path.'

"Nai varnuvalyë." Málantë smiles at them as he leaves the room, bidding them 'May you be safe.'

Kyungsoo doesn't have a moment to mourn or at the very least think about not being able to go to Calataurë to talk to Helcaran because his parents sit down at his bed then. They look at him with searching eyes. He's sure they know nothing of Helcaran or anything that transpired under Calatáva but the way they hold themselves makes him think they know all of his secrets. Misun sighs and holds Seokju's hand in hers. She gives Kyungsoo an expression of motherly endearment. 

"You grew too fast, hinya. You keep trying to solve everything yourself even when I and your father are here to help. There are still 3 days before you become an adult of Lossëirin. Be a child for these 3 days and rely on us." She gives her son an imploring look. "Will you grant me my dearest wish?" 

"Mother..." Kyungsoo feels regretful to have caused her such grief. He moves to take her other hand and looks her in the eye with determination. "I will. Please do not be down-hearted anymore." 

"No one can stop a parent from feeling such aches, Kyungsoo." Seokju clamps a hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder. "Even after you are an adult, we are still your parents. So even then, rely on us. We are here to share your burdens." 

An overwhelming feeling of happiness bursts in startling clarity after the haziness that has wrapped itself tightly around Kyungsoo these past days. And he has to lower his head briefly to gather himself before he could look at his parents once more. His lips stretch up in a grin as his arms wrap around his parents. He relishes in the warmth of their embrace that brings him back to childhood. He realizes how much he misses this feeling of protection, of invincibility against the world so long as they are there with him. 

For the remaining time before his birthday, he lays down to rest all muddled thoughts and feelings regarding Helcaran. He bathes in the love and affection from his parents and his friends who visit and pester him. Contentment and glee color him in bright shades of brilliance like Anar peeking through the grey clouds. 

He finds joy again. 

 

The clouds are pulled along with the night as dawn breaks on Kyungsoo's birthday. Anar is shining alone in the blue sky. And Misun revels in the pleasant weather, saying that Anar must be blessing Kyungsoo who smiles and hums indulgently. His morning is spent cleaning their home and singing to his mother at her request. His afternoon explodes into loud chatter and endless teasing care of Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol. They badger him about how he's supposedly very excited but simply not showing it. They're quite wrong. He isn't excited. He's scared and it puzzles him that he feels that way when, before, he always thought that turning 20 isn't a big deal. He had already been living like an adult ever since he started his apprenticeship under his parents' tutelage. 

Maybe it's the finality of it all. The comfort of being able to regress into a petulant childlike mentality at a moment's notice would no longer be an option. Adulthood in Lossëirin meant practiced selflessness. And though, as many like to point out, he is plenty selfless already, what is a human if not a little selfish? To shirk away from responsibilities because you feel like it. Everyone puts aside their occasional lassitude in order for the town to keep functioning. Each task, big or small, is important. Although putting the whole situation into this perspective isn't accurate. They all enjoy pleasures, hobbies, and decisions not pertaining to the betterment of the town. Kyungsoo gives up thinking by then. He's nervous. End of discussion.

His friends laugh as he gets pushed to the bathroom as Anar is beginning to set. Misun tells him to wash thoroughly and the laughter gets louder. He's tempted to threaten his friends but refrains from doing so in front of his mother. He settles for glowering at them before going in. As ordered, he bathes himself more vigorously than he normally would, scrubbing and rinsing twice while still making it quick. Even if the burning fire in the enclosure at one corner keeps him warm, there is still cold air filtering in through the small window that lets the steam out of the room. He's thankful for the warm water being heated on top of the fire and would rather not take too long to let it actually boil and become too much for his skin to take. Once finished, he wraps himself up in a thick robe while drying his hair with a towel. 

The very moment he steps out into the living room, his mother is ushering him into his room. He doesn't manage to glare at his friends for another bout of laughter that escapes them. She hands him a millolpë—a small spherical flask filled with fragrant oil—and makes herself scarce with a smile. He thinks she's going a bit overboard with preparations once he sees the beautiful tóvacco and pants on his bed. They're white like his usual ones but there are intricate black patterns sewn into them that he's sure his mother had painstakingly done herself. And their texture is much softer and warmer. For all her fretting over him becoming an adult, she has outdone herself in preparing for the event. His eyes burn as his lips quirk up in a shaky smile.

He bathes himself in the oil given to him, spreading it over his skin diligently. The aroma is from one of the rarer flowers in their town, an iscarnëndil whose color is a shade of light purple that is almost the palest of red. It's heady when mixed with the scent of the nísimaúr burning in his room. Kyungsoo feels a little disoriented from the smells and takes a little longer than usual to put on his clothes. When he emerges from his room, the scent travels with him and all heads turn. His friends are grinning madly while his mother looks proud. She is immediately by his side, patting down his hair. The tight embrace after is expected and reciprocated. She pulls his head down to kiss him on the forehead. When she pulls away, her hands remain on his cheeks as she stares, eyes gathering tears. She smiles before telling him to wait and going inside his room.

"Little Ancalima is all grown up." Baekhyun wipes at non-existent tears. "I am so proud."

"Me too." Jongdae pulls Baekhyun and Chanyeol into a hug while faking a sob. Kyungsoo sighs in annoyance at their ridiculousness but takes deep breaths not to cause bodily harm on his birthday. This proves harder to accomplish when Chanyeol walks over to him and hugs him.

The tallest among the friends pats Kyungsoo's hair, lamenting. "It was only yesterday when his cheeks were so chubby and he looked so adorable. Do not grow up yet! I want you to remain innocent."

"Let go of me or you will see just who you are calling adorable and chubby." A threatening fist is warningly placed right at Chanyeol's gut. It causes the other to jump away with an uneasy laugh. "Do not make me give you guys bruises as presents."

"Where is the fun in a birthday if there is no teasing?" Baekhyun smiles in what others might call cute but to Kyungsoo it only makes him want to punch his friend's face more.

"You do it everyday. Where is the novelty in that?" Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. At that point, his mother emerges out of his room with the millolpë. She beckons him toward her and he obliges. With her little finger, she dabs some of the oil on his lips lightly. He looks at her in confusion. "Mother?"

"I simply thought you looked more beautiful like this. Oh I bet many of those your age will desire to be with you once they see you." Misun grips the millolpë with both hands above her chest in an expectant and pleased manner. "I hope you choose someone soon. I would very much love to have grandchildren, hinya."

Red paints across Kyungsoo's cheeks in splotches. He could hear his friends snickering and he thinks they have no right to do so when they themselves have yet to have a significant other. He's surprised she is echoing his father's sentiments now instead of talking about travels. She must really want grandchildren. "Mother, please, let us not talk about that right now."

"I know. I know. You are never in the mood for this conversation. Oh, hinya, what ever are we going to do with you?" She places a hand on his cheek before patting it and moving away. Upon seeing the grinning faces of Kyungsoo's friends, she raises an eyebrow at them in a very similar fashion to her son. "Well boys, that goes for you as well. You have not introduced anyone to your parents yet."

Kyungsoo is reminded once more why he loves his mother dearly as the three grow even redder than he, along with the sound of incomprehensible noises flowing out of their mouths. He smiles brightly at their embarrassed faces but casts a suspicious gaze as they whisper among themselves. He rolls his eyes when he catches his name and the words ‘approach’ and ‘bet’ from their conversation. They have always been too invested in finding someone for him. 

"Come on. Off we go then." Misun is almost pushing them outside of the door in her eagerness. As soon as Kyungsoo steps out, many come closer to greet him. Congratulations and compliments flood him. He flusters over how to accept them all and ends up simply smiling and nodding his thanks. His friends pinch his cheeks, laughing, and his mother smiles brightly at his side. They eventually come into the irendë where there is a larger feast than usual. Seokju is there helping to prepare the last few meat but upon seeing them, leaves it to the matilwar and walks to them.

"You look handsome, Kyungsoo." Seokju pats down his son's hair affectionately. Misun scowls at him for supposedly ruining their son's hair but he kisses the frown away. He turns once more to Kyungsoo. "It is about to begin. Let us sit down."

The family of three sit together as Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol go over to their own families. The celebration starts minutes later with Condo announcing the purpose of the feast, Kyungsoo's Lostase. It is the name given to the 20th birthday of each townsfolk. She goes on to recite the significance of the event as the symbol of coming into adulthood and; by doing this celebration, an act of ushering in blessings from the heavens, solely for one person. When she ends her speech, everyone takes part in dinner with Kyungsoo being the first to get food. Music, songs, and dances are all performed for Kyungsoo. Jongdae wins a bet when the girl he'd put his money on finally approaches their friend and whispers out an offer to spend time together.

Kyungsoo doesn't even miss a beat in declining, garnering his parents' head shaking. The girl feels only slightly affronted at the rejection because of the apologetic yet very stunning smile on Kyungsoo's lips. She makes her exit in flustered whispers and stuttered steps and Kyungsoo goes back to eating. He's interrupted more times than he'd like afterward and his smile gets more strained with each person. His parents, although troubled by his lack of interest, find it highly amusing to see him at his patience's end and sulking at them whenever he's relieved of yet another proposition. His lower lip juts out as they smile and comfort him indulgently. It all simmers to an end when Condo rises once more and beckons Kyungsoo to come forward. The time has come to formally introduce him to the town.

"Meldërnya," Condo begins by addressing everyone, 'My friends'. "Tonight, we welcome Kyungsoo as an adult into our community."

As she finishes her sentence, Kyungsoo genuflects on both knees in front of her with his head bowed. She places a gentle hand on his head like she sometimes used to do, her narrow eyes crinkling in pride as she speaks once again. The irendë is silent except for her and the crackling of fire. "Kyungsoo. Ancalima. He used to be a rather talkative child, had he not? Always asking questions that sometimes even we do not know the answers. He showed maturity in his thinking despite his age. And as he grew older, he became even more so. Although his childish excitement is sorely missed, I think the town has been blessed to have you flourish so beautifully into a young man we are all very proud of. I have personally seen to some of your training as a roilië and I can attest to your quiet determination, your enduring perseverance, and your still existing curiosity. Some may think your prayers are a bit naive but it just goes to show how kind you are. You are attuned to others more than you let on. And it is an admirable trait to have."

Condo pauses at that point, eyes sweeping across everyone. She smiles at Misun and Seokju who couldn't look prouder than they did at that moment. Condo looks back to the top of Kyungsoo's head. "May your heart not change as the years pass. Kyungsoo, you—”

The sentence hangs in the air unfinished as a harsh cold draft sweeps by all of them, carrying small snowflakes. There isn't supposed to be any snowfall today from what they have predicted early in the morning. Everyone turns around to look at the direction from where the breeze came from only to be frozen at the sight before them. Kyungsoo more so than others, his body giving in and he sits upon his heels. The gossamer figure standing in a dark corner stares straight into Kyungsoo's eyes with an edge that he feels even from afar. He could feel the guilt rising and choking him with cold hands. Even if Helcaran must have known his predicament, the feeling could not be shaken off. He scolds himself for not even trying to get to Calatáva and informing Helcaran of his condition. There is a collective gasp when snowflakes form around Helcaran and stay suspended.

"Helcaran," comes the repeated whispers that sound like the fluttering of wings. Everyone scrambles to kneel with their head almost touching the stone pavements they sit upon. Even the children are made to kneel despite their growing excitement and curiosity. Kyungsoo stays in place, still staring into those fearsome eyes. He trembles as Helcaran begins to walk toward him but it is only when the other is a few feet away that he comes to his senses and drops his gaze. Bare feet come into view and stop near him. With bated breath, Kyungsoo awaits the punishment he anticipates is to come. Nothing happens for some dreadful moments. Then, there is a light hum before a stunning thin veil of intricate ice patterns fall delicately on top of Kyungsoo much like that of a wedding veil. It covers all of him in a translucent, iridescent shine.

"Raise your heads and look upon this person." Helcaran's voice isn't loud but all heads turn to look at Kyungsoo. Misun and Seokju hold each other's hands as they see their son through the icy veil. He looks unfathomably beautiful right then. Out of this world. Helcaran smiles, "I give the blessing of my protection to Kyungsoo on his birthday."

The young man concerned is startled at the announcement. His head shoots up in a split second and locks gazes through the veil with Helcaran who continues to smile. The unbearable warmth within him is back and feels even more intense than before. His heart shrinks and expands painfully against his chest. The view becomes clear for him when the front part vanishes into the air in a manner as if it is parting delicately. He manages to regain his bearings and mutter a hesitant, "Helcaran?"

"I have missed you. But I know you were resting." A flower made of ice materializes upon Helcaran's hand. He tucks it behind Kyungsoo's ear. The riveting sight before him has his lips stretching to a grin. He could not explain the surge of feeling dousing over him as Kyungsoo stares up surrounded by the veil of ice he created and the glimmering flower resting upon Kyungsoo's temple. His fingers graze a pale red cheek like a cold breeze passing by. "You are mine, Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo feels his body war against him. His blood boils as his skin freezes. His thoughts crash against each other and crumble into incoherency.

Helcaran takes his eyes off Kyungsoo and his expression becomes stern. "I am Helcaran. And I am indeed here on this land. But I do not wish to be disturbed in my time here. I am allowing only Kyungsoo to seek me."

"We shall do as told." Condo finally speaks once more. However, her head remains bowed in respect. She could not dare to look directly into Helcaran's eyes. "Please stay and enjoy our humble feast."

"I will stay." Helcaran moves to sit where he is standing on, creating a small chair made of ice. Food is immediately placed upon his feet by Condo. He declines in favor of watching Kyungsoo who has yet to move an inch. The growing crescendo of chatter does not bother him. There's only a slight twitch when he sees a man and woman kneel beside Kyungsoo and present themselves as the beautiful boy's parents. He greets them with a small smile. "A pleasure to meet you both."

"It is our pleasure. We are eternally grateful to you for blessing Kyungsoo with your protection." Seokju's voice is filled both with warmth and trepidation. "We do not know how to repay your kindness."

"Repay me? There is no need." The reply is followed by a short chuckle. Helcaran's smile widens. "I simply wish for you to allow Kyungsoo to come to me everyday."

Three heads snap up by the end of the sentence, all in shock. It only takes a second for Misun and Seokju to remember their places and give their reassurances that Kyungsoo is free to accompany Helcaran everyday. Kyungsoo could only remain silent as he had done throughout the whole situation. He couldn't understand why Helcaran would choose to show himself in front of everyone when he had specifically told Kyungsoo he did not want to be disturbed by everyone else. He isn't in any position to voice out his questions however. Instead, he bows his head and vows to visit in his spare time. With this vow, Condo and him later come to an agreement that he will hunt in the morning to have the afternoon with Helcaran.

For the rest of the night, Kyungsoo focuses on trying to push down the mortification he is still feeling at being made a spectacle in such a way as what happened. It is truly an honor—that he could not deny even in the confines of his own thoughts. In spite of the honor, he has never been one to enjoy attention and he shall definitely be bombarded with it even more now. This event will not be lived down by the townsfolk. It shall definitely be written down in their town's history books. He bites his lip in contemplation before chancing a glance to his side at Helcaran—who had asked him to sit at the right of the ice chair. Eyes bore onto him and everything fizzles into nothingness at the smile directed at him.

Each moment with Helcaran is causing Kyungsoo to go through new experiences and changes that he's not sure what to make of.

 

Kyungsoo's gratitude to his parents is insurmountable. They had kept everyone at bay from bombarding him with endless enquiries—even his friends had not been spared. He knows they had exhausted all politeness they could muster last night and he had tucked them in bed as recompense with the promise of telling them everything come morning. 

It has been hours since he had tossed and turned on his bed, unable to properly sleep from all that has happened, and since he had sat down in front of his parents to recount his tales of meeting Helcaran, holding back on his own thoughts and feelings regarding the excess of compliments given to him. His mother is now brewing them another round of tea as they continue to lounge in the living room. They have had to decline everybody that came to knock on their door. Kyungsoo feels it superfluous and discomfiting for everyone to be privy to his life more than they already are in this small town.

"I truly was not dreaming everything up last night." Seokju mutters to himself as he leans back on his chair. He looks to his son in a slight state of disbelief. "I cannot fathom such luck that has been graced upon you, Kyungsoo. And I do not say this as a bad thing at all. I am very proud to call you my son even before all of this but, honestly, more so now."

Misun hands them each their cup before speaking, "I agree with your father, hinya. To have you as our son, we are the ones who are blessed."

"Mother, father..." The warmth Kyungsoo feels from their words is hotter than the tea that goes down his throat. They both smile at him in return and small talk fills in the spaces of their home. 

Morning eventually rises to midday and falls into afternoon. By this time, it's Misun and Seokju who are urging Kyungsoo to run along and to meet with Helcaran. Many try to get a word or two out of him and fail. Although Jongdae gets a promise that Kyungsoo will tell him, along with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, all that has gone down. This gets Jongdae to lay off Kyungsoo's case for now and let him go into Calataurë.

The trek this time to Calatáva is less filled with apprehension and more cloaked in confusion—confusion regarding the reason for Helcaran's sudden and very public appearance. If Kyungsoo is allowed, he'll pluck up the nerve to ask about it. Other than that, he feels well-favored and light. Having to finally be able to share what has been transpiring to his parents—and later to his friends—has significantly lifted away his burdensome thoughts. The protection bestowed upon him is quite possibly the greatest gift he has ever been given aside from the gift of being alive and well.

By the time he gets to the great tree, he could feel the enthusiasm thrumming across the expanse of skin, puncturing his veins, and squeezing at his heart so he could barely breathe properly. He beams as soon as he sees Helcaran already waiting for him there, sitting on the slab of stone, and pauses for a moment. It seems as if the whole clearing is enchanted as snow perpetually falls and rises, creating a magical scene before him of slow and steady waves. They make him wonder if this is how Altaeäron looks like on a windy day where the breeze is pushing at the surface of the ocean's water as it has been described in the books. He shakes out of his daze when Helcaran gestures for him to come forward. The snowflakes cling onto him as he walks through.

"Mára aure, Helcaran." Kyungsoo bows his head before straightening once again as soon as he is in front of the other. He feels abashed when he thinks of Helcaran having been there since the morning. His brows furrow and his lips purse before asking, "Have I made you wait?"

"Will you offer to do anything as an apology if I said yes?" Helcaran's lips tug at one corner and he appears to be teasing—a bit boyish in Kyungsoo's eyes. The latter's eyebrows shoot up before he's frantically nodding in agreement. Helcaran chuckles at this. "Why not sit down first, Kyungsoo?"

The addressed young man hurries to take a seat a respectful distance away from Helcaran. He looks expectantly at Helcaran, awaiting for what request he must carry out in order to appease the latter. The questions he had planned to ask are put aside for a later time when he has not aggrieved his god. Right at the moment, making up for his supposed mistake is his purpose. "What do you wish for me to do, Helcaran?"

"Sing for me. But I do not want those songs of praises. Sing for me something else."

Kyungsoo blinks as he eases back. Had he heard right? Yes, of course. But there are only love songs and children songs aside from the ones during Alta Ocombë. He's quite sure Helcaran would not appreciate a children's song and so color dusts across his cheeks at the thought of singing a love song to a being such as Helcaran. In his fluster, he dumbly asks, "Sing?"

"Yes. Sing. I hear you have a lovely voice." Helcaran moves to fully face the other. He raises an eyebrow and smiles as Kyungsoo gulps in bashfulness. 

There really isn’t anything that Helcaran doesn’t know, Kyungsoo thinks. Even the over-the-top compliments of the townsfolk is known. He reels his thoughts back before they go too far and focus them on choosing a song. It has to be something that wouldn’t be embarrassing for him to sing in front of someone else other than his friends and sometimes other townsfolk.

Kyungsoo wrings his hands as the song ends, marveling at how sweaty they have become. All throughout his singing, he had felt his insides scorched from anxiety. He has not experienced such a feeling since his first time singing during Alta Ocombë when he was 6 years old. His head is bowed and he looks through his lashes at Helcaran who is unmoving and whose expression is eerily blank. Dread and mortification snare him into their grasps, tighter and tighter as the silence lingers on. He's already thinking of apologizing about his terrible voice and his appalling song choice when Helcaran claps and he looks up to see a gummy smile that makes the serious face look gentle.

"Lovely indeed." Helcaran takes one of Kyungsoo's hands into his own and kisses it briefly. "It seems like everything about you is beautiful—more than the heavens can ever compare to."

"Please..." Words dissipate in Kyungsoo's mind. He wants to ask Helcaran to stop with all the flattery that has him teetering over the edges of insanity. But to do that would mean questioning Helcaran. He has already been scolded many times in this matter. Keeping quiet is the only solution he can settle for. His hand is growing colder and numbness is starting to sink in, the longer it is held. It's scary. And yet there's a thrill to it as he thinks that Helcaran is the one holding onto his hand.

A thumb rubs across the back of Kyungsoo's hand. Helcaran gives a questioning glance. "Please what?"

"Nothing, my god." Kyungsoo shakes his head as he looks away. The cold sensation of his hand travels to his arm and it makes him shiver. His hand is let go after a light squeeze that has him shivering a second time. He gingerly places his other hand over the frosted one, grimacing at the biting chilliness. But he quickly schools his expression as to not offend Helcaran. He peeks from his lashes and sighs inwardly in relief as the other is still smiling at him. Clearing his throat, he asks, "Is there anything else you wish me to do?"

"I would like to hear you sing until you have to go." Helcaran reaches his hand out and grazes a finger at Kyungsoo's throat causing yet another shiver. He chuckles at this before withdrawing his hand. "It will be nice to fall asleep with your voice in my mind."

All coldness leaves Kyungsoo as Helcaran's words settle upon his insides like the great fire during Alta Ocombë. He gathers enough of his mind to not make Helcaran wait too long for him to sing once again. Song after song, he tirelessly fills the clearing with lilting words. He stops once in a while to rest, feeling the ache of cold air piercing his throat. And during those times, Helcaran would praise him endlessly. Sometimes so much that he begins to sing immediately to stop hearing them. He receives a short laugh in turn. Once or twice, the singing of cuar from afar would accompany him and it fills him with pride. As Anar begins to fall, the clearing falls silent except for the soft crunch of footsteps. Kyungsoo leaves with an aching throat and a fat heart.

And a stupid smile, his friends say as they meet him at the outskirts of town. They flank him on all sides to prevent physical escape and badger him until he gives in and leads them to his home and into his room where he begins to tell his tale. He also alludes to some of the feelings he had felt and thoughts that have plagued him. They remain mostly quiet and only speaking to prompt Kyungsoo when the latter pauses a bit too long or stumbles on words, showing the respect and consideration they had for their friend. Both of which seem to evaporate into thin air when Kyungsoo finishes and the questioning begins. And it isn't unexpected at all.

"So you have been keeping all of that from us?" Baekhyun looks both miffed and impressed. A secret of such enormous proportion is hard to keep to oneself. "What happened to all our years of friendship?"

Kyungsoo moves toward the edge of his bed where Baekhyun's head is resting and he pushes it away. "What friendship are you speaking of? You do not even listen to me. If you did, you would have heard me say Helcaran made me promise not to tell anyone."

Before Baekhyun could retaliate, Chanyeol interrupts by draping his upper torso onto the bed. Jongdae pushes the long arms away from his space. "But are you guys not more surprised by how taken Helcaran is with our Kyungsoo?"

"And what do you mean by that?" Kyungsoo's raised brow and fist are enough for Chanyeol to back away from the bed with a stuttered laugh. "No. Come on, Chanyeol. Tell me. I promise not to hurt you while you explain."

"I am...uhh...surprised he is not even more taken by you?" Chanyeol sends a grin while Jongdae and Baekhyun could barely contain their laughs and they soon fall over in fits. As Kyungsoo draws near, Chanyeol moves to a kneeling position and spews out endless apologies, still with a grin. He lets out a whoop when he sees Kyungsoo retreat and lie down on the bed. He crawls back to the edge of the bed, poking his friend's side. "You should stop thinking too much. Being favored is a good thing."

"You get to see sairina." Jongdae flops down beside Kyungsoo. "I wish I could see those tiny ice figurines. Maybe he will let you have one as a souvenir of sorts? Oh wait! Where is that flower he put on you last night?"

Baekhyun exclaims, 'Aha!', as he spots the mentioned article on top of Kyungsoo's writing desk. He rushes over to take it but flinches away when he touches it. He stares at it in surprise before turning to stare at Kyungsoo in bewilderment. "How can you stand to hold it? It is freezing!"

"What?" Kyungsoo looks back at Baekhyun, puzzled. He sits up in alarm. "What do you mean? It is not freezing. It feels like holding snow."

Chanyeol and Jongdae trip over themselves to get to Baekhyun and the flower as the latter continues his conversation. "It does not! Certainly not. It felt like all the warmth from my hands was gone."

"You are—" The frightened retort falls short when Chanyeol gasps and moves away much like how Baekhyun had done. Kyungsoo watches his friends in growing trepidation. Jongdae immediately follows after, trying to hold the flower, but ends up with the same reaction. Now all three look back at Kyungsoo with the same surprise and confusion in their eyes. He can his face paling as the silence stretches.

Jongdae runs to the bed and kneels down beside it, pulling Kyungsoo's hands to encase them in his own. There is a sharp intake of breath before he's pressing their hands close to his chest. He looks up, his whole countenance filled with worry. "Your hands, Kyungsoo. Your hands are..."

Baekhyun and Chanyeol move to sit on either side of Kyungsoo, pressing themselves close to him and each wrapping an arm around him. Baekhyun whispers loud enough for all of them to hear, "Hey. It might be because you spend a lot of time with Helcaran. Or he made it so you can hold onto his gifts."

"They will get warmer, Kyungsoo." Chanyeol places a hand on the top of Kyungsoo's head, ruffling the soft hair a bit. "Helcaran did hold your hands, right? And you said they were extremely cold. Maybe this is just a little effect from it."

"I can try to find out anything about this. I am sure there is something in Málantë's books." Baekhyun squeezes Kyungsoo's arm in reassurance and silent promise. He actually isn't as sure as he sounds about actually finding anything but it's worth a try. He likes to mess around with Kyungsoo, however, he pulls through when his friends need him. The same could be said for Jongdae and Chanyeol, as he exchanges meaningful glances at them.

Jongdae tightens his hold on the cold hands of his friend, smiling at Kyungsoo's still worried face. "My mother is trying to knit those things called gloves that some of the travelers wear. I could ask her to make you a pair."

"I might find something in Coa Parmaron." Laughter from Baekhyun and Jongdae follow Chanyeol's comment. They both give him amused looks. Even Kyungsoo cracks a small smile. "What?"

"Chanyeol, we have been over this many times. Books are not exactly your forte." Baekhyun reaches a hand over Kyungsoo's head to pat Chanyeol's. He looks as if he were talking to a child which makes Jongdae laugh harder and Chanyeol frown.

An indignant huff comes out of Chanyeol's lips. "I read!"

"You do. But you take forever to finish." Jongdae quips in with a grin. "I will help you look through the books at Coa Parmaron."

Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol in a teasing manner. "Honestly, your poems are wonderful. Your reading leaves much to be desired though."

"It is not as if yours is any better, Baekhyun. I seem to remember piles and piles of books you have yet to finish reading in your room and some hidden under your bed." Chanyeol raises both eyebrows at Baekhyun who laughs, a bit flustered, but is quick to respond. The heavy air in the room dissipates as the teasing continues on. 

Kyungsoo feels grateful to his friends for the distraction. He indulges them and joins the commotion. His parents call them for Alta Ocombë but Baekhyun manages to convince the two to let them just stay inside. They're left alone with promises of bringing back some food. Night falls upon the small room that is noisy with boisterous laughter and playful conversations.

Kyungsoo falls asleep, later on, with his mind wading around confused thoughts.

 

There is an elegant ice archway in the clearing today, followed by numerous ice flowers. They line a path to the stone Helcaran is sitting on. Kyungsoo feels awkward going through them. This kind of setting is one he has only read about in books saying the richer persons in Endëmar had this in their homes. It is too much, like all else that Helcaran has presented him with. He bears with it anyway and eventually comes to sit at the stone. The revelation from last night is still lingering in his mind, plaguing him even during his hunt earlier in the morning. But he puts it away, resolving not to bother Helcaran with it. He would rather not risk offending the other by asking. So he settles for a quiet greeting and a smile. He gets one in return.

"Tell me about yourself, Kyungsoo." Helcaran looks at Kyungsoo straight in the eyes, a certain gleam of intimidation and expectation in his expression. He adds, "I like listening to your voice."

Kyungsoo applauds himself in his mind when he manages not to get flustered at the comment. He thinks he must be getting used to these random praises from Helcaran. However, he doesn't know what he is to say. Surely there isn't a thing in his life that Helcaran doesn't already know. He clears his throat, "What do I say?"

There is a pause as Helcaran thinks over a response. "Anything you wish to tell me."

"Oh, I..." Kyungsoo's eyebrows knit together as he ponders on what in his short life could be interesting to tell. He comes up with absolutely nothing, realizing once again that he's quite a boring person up until meeting Helcaran. "I was born on the 20th night of the 12th month of Hrívëlúmë 1992. My mother's name is Misun. My father's name is Seokju. I was a...very curious child. All the adults..."

Kyungsoo talks the afternoon away up until the times he is to go back. His throat somewhat hurts once again and he drinks a lot of water once home. It isn't a surprise when his friends crash into his room again to bother him. And for a second night, he passes off going to the Alta Ocombë but now with a promise to go the following night. He nonchalantly tells his friends of his afternoon in a one-sentence summation. They're quick to latch on to it and, not too long after, tease him of his boringness. He fervently hopes that Helcaran won't ask him to do it again. But the heavens are not with him because, for the next days, it's all Helcaran wishes for him to do aside from the occasional singing. And he's sure he'll soon have nothing more to say.

His childhood.

"...I was not an agreeable child all the time, honestly. I had fits and tantrums. I got scolded...There was one time when I was not allowed to go out because I had sprained my foot. I got it from playing with the mámar. And my parents told me to rest—my father even stayed at home with me. I thought it was stupid. I wanted to go out and play. I thought myself invincible." A short laugh escapes Kyungsoo as he thinks of how silly he had been. "So I fought with my father. I refused to eat. I even planned to run away and to live in here in Calataurë. I was trying to hold onto all my books that I wanted to bring with me. Of course, my small body could not possibly do it. I toppled over and hurt my foot again. I cried and cried. My father came in and comforted me. He promised to personally take me out the next day if I were a good boy. I made him swear to you..."

"...It is embarrassing. I was embarrassing." Kyungsoo hides his red face in his hands for a moment before gathering enough nerve to continue, still not looking at Helcaran. "All of us children were playing out a story about the king and queen of Endëmar. There were roqueni (riders), núror (servants), istyari (scholars), and Endëlië (people of Endëmar). Baekhyun and Chanyeol were roqueni. Jongdae was an istyar. I was a núro. We were acting out what we guessed was daily life in Endëmar—in the palace. Then, to make things seem more magical and amazing, some decided to have the Varya appear. Since I am the palest, my role changed from a simple núro to..." Kyungsoo peeks shyly at Helcaran, his face feeling more and more warm. He whispers, "to...you..."

The books he has read.

"...I wonder, at times, what the rest of the land is like. I have only ever known them in words. Which is not at all so bad. But once in a while, I get to thinking. Imagining. The palace in Endëmar, the mines in Felcoirin and Laiquirin, the fireworks of Ruirin, the glassware in Hyellirin, the gardens in Tarwirin, the candles of Lícoirin, the wines of Liantirin...I have not even seen Lissirin. Though I have eaten some of their sweets." Kyungsoo smiles at the memory, feeling almost as if he could taste them in his tongue right then. "I feel like I know so much about all of these places from all the countless pages I have read. But I truly know only little..."

"...A fire that blazed red and gold danced before her. It was unlike anything she had ever seen. Fires, for her, had always burned silver and white. And suddenly, out of the flames walked a woman whose hair and eyes were of the same color as the fire, whose skin was as brown as the barks of some trees." Kyungsoo turns the page as he finishes the last word. "Her face seemed familiar to Nara. As they stared at each other, the woman smiling serenely, Nara realized she was the woman from the streets all cloaked in black. The self-proclaimed curuni (good witch) turned out to be true..."

His friends.

"...Baekhyun accidentally put the höayau to sleep once instead of making them numb. That had been from the earlier days of his lessons with Málantë. He was not as well-versed at all the different envinyatala as he is now. He panicked for so long when he realized what he had done. He had thought it was the day of the macari leaving for Endëmar." Kyungsoo laughs heartily. "He has been very careful ever since and has turned into a wonderful apprentice. Although I like to tease him, he is great at what he does..."

"...Chanyeol might not seem intelligent but he has a good mind. He uses it to make songs and poetry that amuse everyone. He tries hard to keep people happy and to take their attention away from ill and sorrowful thoughts. When you think of laughter, it has to be Chanyeol." Full lips tremble a bit from restraining a smile but Kyungsoo's expression is already filled with mirth. "He has a good heart, truly. And I have said he has a good mind earlier but he has his momentary lapses. When we were 9, he almost set the Coa Parmaron on fire..."

"...Jongdae wants to see the land like I do. But his yearning is far greater than mine. Traveling is his dream. And I can actually imagine him to be great at it - talking to people from other towns, being able to integrate himself in communities, surviving in harsh conditions." There's a tinge of gloom in the otherwise proud statement. "He is very playful and easy to befriend. I remember him always being one of the first to get along with the travelers who come by from time to time. You leave him for one moment with them and when you look back, they are already friends..."

"...They are all very good at dealing with people. I admire that about them. I am not so good even if it seems like I am. But they are helping me and I am so thankful." Kyungsoo's whole countenance is one of fondness and his smile pretty. "I love my friends dearly..."

His training.

"...My mother taught me how to be swift and efficient with my sicil while my father taught me how to be patient and accurate with my quinga piliniyë. The years of tutelage under my parents were grueling. They had made sure everything was ingrained to my very soul." Kyungsoo blanches at the memories of rigorous training. "I was tired most days. My head was spinning from all the information about Calataurë they were feeding me. My body was aching from all the exercise I had to do morning and night. There was a time when I slept through my morning exercise. It was a nightmare..."

"...The first kill is always hesitant and ends up being messy. My parents told me no one's first has ever been clean. It was the same for me. I was not prepared to feel a vorcelva die by hand. I trembled and hesitated. I made it so much more painful for the vorcelva." Kyungsoo frowns, looking at Helcaran who was smiling sympathetically, and he continues with a doleful smile. "My father told me that and I had resolved to make dying easier for those I kill. And I prayed for them after. I prayed to you..."

His dream.

"...I have not thought of what I want my future to be. I will always stay here and help the town until I am sixty. I have absolutely no plans of leaving, that I know for sure." Light laughter punctures the air. "I assume I will live alone. If my parents do not successfully get me married, that is. They can be very stubborn and persuasive when prodded. Nonetheless, I promise to love my verda (spouse) wholeheartedly should there be one. And perhaps have a child."

His words falter toward the end as he feels Helcaran's gaze boring into him. His cheeks flush at the undivided attention he's still not quite used to. Weeks have passed since he began to tell his life story, singing on some days and reading books on some others. And yet, having Helcaran stare at him like this has not become more comfortable at all. He continually wonders if he has said something wrong or offensive in some way he isn't sure of. These afternoons with Helcaran are as thrilling as they are distressing. But he thinks it's just him, still unable to treat the other as less than a righteous god when Helcaran seems to treat him as a long-time acquaintance—if not a friend. Yes, he can't quite wrap his mind around that.

"You have an interesting dream, Kyungsoo." There are finally words between them. Helcaran smiles to ease Kyungsoo's obvious discomfort. "So simple. Do you not wish for something great?"

"Great?" Kyungsoo's brows arch and furrow. "No. Not at all, my god. I am quite content with the life I have here. And I am already more than happy serving you."

Kyungsoo's bright smile and red cheeks stiffen as the time passes by with Helcaran staring intensely at him again, serious in expression and silent in words. His rigid shoulders deflate as the wide smile he's come to love on Helcaran's lips show and his heart clenches because he's never ready to receive it. His own smile turns shy and his eyes flutter down. 

He hears rather than sees Helcaran move. Right after, a circle of ice the size of his palm wobbles over to him in midair. When he takes the curious object, he's surprised to find a small figurine underneath—having been the one to deliver it to him. The figurine bows before trotting back to Helcaran. Kyungsoo lets out an airy laugh at the adorable sight. He looks down at the object on his hand, surprised to find himself staring back.

"May I know what this is, my god?" Kyungsoo's wide eyes flit from Helcaran's eyes then back to his reflection. All the people in town rarely see what they look like—not really caring much of it. They've seen themselves from time to time on a water's surface or on shiny blades. Always in passing and never to preen. If they feel presentable and those who seem them deem them presentable, then that is fine. No one has ever clearly seen themselves for long periods of time since they had nothing in their possessions to do so. Not until now. Kyungsoo has not looked at himself for years. Until now.

"That is called a mirror." Helcaran smiles widely in enthusiasm. He reaches out to lay a palm over the mirror. Kyungsoo could feel a tinge of sairina tickle his fingertips and a numbing chill before Helcaran moves his hand away. The simple circle now has intricate designs around its edges. It looks elegant and something that could be a gift to the royal family. "Have you read about mirrors?"

"A mirror?" Kyungsoo blinks at his reflection. "I have heard the macari talk about it—a glass-like thing. It seems that most everyone in Endëmar have acquired themselves at least one. And some other towns as well. So strange."

Helcaran nods when Kyungsoo looks at him once more. "Yes. But this one is unique and only for you. I made it."

The grip on the mirror tightens as Kyungsoo becomes flustered at the sudden statement. His cooled down cheeks warm up once again. With Helcaran, he's always showered in gifts. He has the privilege to watch wonderful spectacles of ice and snow, to talk to the other, to receive compliments. And now, apart from the flower weeks ago, he has another gift. Confusion still muddles his mind all the time. To be chosen and blessed as he is now, he doesn't know what he has done to acquire this treatment. But he knows only one way to repay Helcaran. He places the mirror close to his chest, bowing his head. "I cannot say thank you enough, Helcaran. I am yours to command."

"You are most welcome, Kyungsoo." Helcaran's smile is wide, eyes swimming in mirth. "You should head back now. It is almost night."

Kyungsoo looks up to see Anar ready to set. He bids farewell to Helcaran and walks home in a daze, not even noticing Panta landing on his shoulder like always. The cua nudges his temple and he only gives a non-committal hum. Panta acts as if huffing in indignation before simply rubbing its head against Kyungsoo's hair. 

It's been like this every time Kyungsoo finishes his time with Helcaran. But the winded young man eventually snaps out of it to play with and feed Panta. The mirror stays hidden for most of the night. Kyungsoo feels it to be a private matter that he can only share with his parents and friends. He shows it to his parents first before Alta Ocombë.

"It looks exquisite, hinya." Misun hands the mirror back to Kyungsoo. Her initial fascination simmering down to a wariness. Her smile looks strained and Kyungsoo could only hazard a guess that it might be because of the mirror’s strangeness. After all, objects from other towns have always been met with skepticism. "Make sure to keep it in a safe place."

Seokju squeezes his son's shoulder, face showing concern. "Kyungsoo, I simply want to remind you. You have no need for it. You are always beautiful."

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows for a moment, unsure of the looks and the words his parents are trying to imply and feeling slighted at what he guesses they're hinting at. However, his expression mellows to an unsure smile. He reminds himself they're always thinking of what is best for him. "Thank you, father, mother. I will keep your words in mind."

While his parents exuded reluctance over the gift, his friends are the complete opposite. They had been all over his mirror, carefully taking turns after he had threatened them not to put even a single small scratch upon it. He lies on his bed, lazily watching his friends and feeling full from dinner. They're all talking too fast for him to catch up. But their chatter eventually dies down when they've had their fill. All three turn at the same time to look at him.

"What do you plan to do with it?" Jongdae gestures to the mirror in Baekhyun's hands. "I do not think it a wise idea to show it to the town. They are already chasing after you for stories on Helcaran."

"My parents told me to keep it safe. I might hide it somewhere." The shrug Kyungsoo does seem more like a jerking of his shoulders.

Baekhyun brings the mirror up high, examining the light from the room's fire glinting at its surface. He brings it down to eye level and hums. "Endëlië are a strange bunch. What purpose do they have looking at themselves? Do they not have more important things to accomplish?"

"Do you mean it like you and your pranks?" Chanyeol snickers, pressing his face close to Baekhyun to see his reflection. His words earn him a knock to the head.

"That was a long time ago. And those pranks were not solely mine. All of you had a part in it so you have no right to use them against me." Baekhyun's scowl has Kyungsoo chuckling. It's true. Most of the pranks may have been concocted by Baekhyun's mind but they all worked to make them come to life.

Bickering continues from there on like clockwork. Sometimes it stops long enough for them to ponder and discuss the mirror, their conjectures regarding its supposed necessity to the point that most Endëlië have it. Their half-conversation half-bickering ends when the time to sleep finally comes. Kyungsoo is left alone in the room for a long while before Panta comes flying through the window. He tries to show the cua the mirror but like earlier, Panta flies away as soon as the mirror's reflective surface faces it.

"Silly cua. There is no need to be afraid of seeing yourself." Kyungsoo laughs before lying back down on the bed to let sleep take over. He stares at the mirror one last time before placing it beside his pillow. He closes his eyes but his thoughts do not stop. They become disorganized, claiming every inch of space in his brain. Some are incoherent. Some are thoughts of Helcaran. Most are thoughts about the mirror and what he's seen in it.

Maybe there is something to be afraid of in looking at yourself for so long.

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)  



	4. Runya Canta

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

A few days pass since then. Kyungsoo has kept the mirror beside the still glistening flower on his desk. He has not looked upon his reflection again. He feels no curiosity over his looks, not when his parents' morning praises and grooming are more than enough. There is no need to constantly assess his appearance when he has lived for so long not doing it. Today is no different. 

He leaves his house early in the morning when everyone else, except the assigned the cundor, are still in their homes eating breakfast. The upside to hunting at this time is the tranquil air that lulls Kyungsoo into a relaxed state. As well as letting Kyungsoo ponder on things without having to school his expressions to avoid nosy interrogations.

His thoughts lead him to Endëmar. The Endëlië and their customs seem strange and equally fascinating to him. Maybe it's because of Lossëirin's isolation but everything is different there. They seem to possess things that have not much purpose—at least to him, they don't. These things might very well hold importance in the Endëlië's lives in ways he could not comprehend. There are times he wishes someone from Endëmar would travel to their quaint town at the edge of the land. When they do, he would do his best to befriend them and learn from them. How he wished this would come to be. In his 20 years, no Endëlië has ever come. There have only been the occasional travelers from Laiquirin, Tarwirin, Orëirin, Hravirin, and Tolli Anarwa. All, of course, interesting. However, most of his curiosity lies in the capital, Endëmar.

It is with the memories of travelers that he comes to find himself talking about them later in the afternoon. He recounts the first time he had seen strangers in their town. The caution holding him back and the interest pulling him closer had his 8 year old self acting skittish. Wide eyes took in the different colored tóvaccor they wore and the odd objects they brought. Parents always took care not to let their children disturb the guests and to remind their children not to take anything from them. His mother and father had even given him a long talk about it. However, they never prepared him for the attention the travelers gave him. Time and again, he would be approached no matter who the traveler was or where they came from. He had done his best to be respectful and accommodating, gracious when declining to receive any gifts they wished to leave him with.

"It seems you have always charmed everyone." Helcaran lightly teases, arching an eyebrow. "Do not tell me you have put a lirina on them."

"No, my god. Never." Kyungsoo's expression is horrified at being accused of putting a spell on people. He has always been nervous of the attention, not understanding why it is him out of everyone else that all the travelers seem to be taken by when all he had done was to keep to himself. He only joins in listening to the wondrous tales of adventure when there are many with him, only talking to them alone when they are the ones to approach him. Whenever he laments over it to his parents, they would look just as tired of it—from protecting him—but would always smile in resignation, telling him he was a bit too endearing for his own good. Adding that he had a composed yet sweet charm to him. He could never take their reasons seriously. "I do not wish for the attention. And I do not know of lirinar."

"Ah, but you are sairina itself. Your very being is magical." Light blue eyes take in all of Kyungsoo. Fingers drawing near a flushed cheek and grazing it lightly. Helcaran holds his gaze until he eventually looks down. Helcaran’s fingers linger, his face surely close enough to breathe in the light aroma of scented oil on Kyungsoo's skin, before he moves away slowly.

It takes him a while to relax. Lately, Helcaran has taken to being so close to him. He gets even more flustered and uncomfortable under the quiet stare and calm demeanor. No one has ever done this to him, be this close in that manner. His friends are rowdy and teasing, pulling him into suffocating hugs and petting him affectionately like one would a small vorcelva. With Helcaran, there is something in the air between them he can't quite name. He takes calming breaths, finally looking at Helcaran again with a tentative smile. Thinking of what to say, a memory surfaces at Helcaran's recent compliment. "Oh."

"What is it?” 

"I-That is to say, I remembered I do know of a lirina." Kyungsoo furrows his brows in contemplation, looking for every single detail of that particular past occurrence that he could muster. "I remembered because the couple who taught it to me told me exactly the same thing you have just said. Although they meant it as every person is made of pure sairina."

Helcaran's brows shoot up at the confession. "Oh? Remind me about this lirina."

"It is one of protection, a means to defend myself and the ones I love." The reply is slowly spoken, a small frown on Kyungsoo's lips. His eyes kindle with a confusing mixture of pride and reluctance. "The couple from Tolli Anarwa said they saw potential in me to harness sairina. I was immediately put through training. Most of the time of their visit had been spent with me. They guided me into getting in touch with the power they were adamant that I had hidden in me. In almost a fortnight, I had become familiar with my own sairina and with sensing others' sairina."

"Do you feel mine?" Helcaran asks suddenly, a corner of his lips twitching upward.

Kyungsoo blinks at the question before speaking, "It has been a long time since I had tried to sense another's sairina. And even my own. I cannot say that I do, my god."

"Try." One of Helcaran's hands gently grab Kyungsoo's, placing it on top of his chest. He effectively pulls Kyungsoo closer to him. He smiles amiably. "Do you feel mine, Kyungsoo?"

Despite the suddenness of the request, Kyungsoo closes his eyes and concentrates on the heartbeat he could feel thrumming at his palm. He breathes deeply, in and out. Coming into contact with his sairina feels like the bloom of a sleeping flower—soft and graceful. It wades along his veins towards his hand until, suddenly, a harsh coldness pierces every inch of his skin. His body jolts and his eyes widen in fright before drooping. He feels completely numb and faint. Helcaran's power is insurmountable, consuming him alive. He wants to move his hand away, unable to take any more, but it remains pressed onto the cold chest by the equally cold hand. There's a heady feeling in his mind, his thoughts becoming incoherent. He whispers softly, unconsciously, "Helcaran."

"How is it, Kyungsoo?" Helcaran's grip tightens slightly, drawing Kyungsoo's slouched body even closer.

Kyungsoo's breathing turns shallow. His eyes blink sluggishly and his voice remains soft. "Amazing, my god."

The expression upon Helcaran's face brightens in delight at the reply. He brings Kyungsoo's hand to his lips, letting them linger upon the skin. He eventually releases the other and waits for Kyungsoo to compose himself again. "You are so beautiful."

The compliment flies over Kyungsoo's head. He shivers as the cold sensation ever so slowly leaves him and his heart continues to beat irregularly. He takes deep breaths once more in an attempt to calm himself down. Comprehension of what had just happened evades him. He feels thoroughly embarrassed and dares not look up. "Your sairina is incredible, my god."

"Yes, it is." Helcaran hums in contentment, leaning his head back to take in Kyungsoo's still recovering state. "Well, continue with your story, Kyungsoo."

"Story?" It takes a moment before Kyungsoo remembers what they had been previously talking about. Guilt crowds his already scattered thoughts. However, he clears his throat and answers a bit hesitantly, "Yes. I was—I mean—They taught me a lirina that makes it possible for me to...a lirina that makes it possible for me to plunge my hand into another being's chest and take their heart with it still beating in my hands."

The mood drops drastically, tension pouring in like a growing storm. Silence sneers at Kyungsoo and whispers horrible thoughts, making him ignore the prolonged lack of warmth of his body. He wants to take back all that he has said, keep them all to himself. He wants to go back in time and stop himself from learning the lirina. He could just imagine Helcaran's disapproval etched on the pale face as his head remains bowing in guilt. He stutters out an apology, an excuse, anything. "My god, please. I did not-I never intended to-It was for protection. I have never used it to harm anyone. I had promised never to use it. Please forgive me. If it were possible, I will make myself forget. Please, Helcaran. I am-I do not-"

"Kyungsoo," Helcaran's voice is soft, aiming to soothe the other's nerves, but also firm. "It is fine. I understand. I will not punish you for it."

"I-" Kyungsoo looks up as soon as the pardon is given, expression confused and surprised. It takes him a while to actually comprehend what has been said. Relief drives away the guilt festered by silence and Kyungsoo is able to breathe again. He grips his pants tightly. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Helcaran."

This time, when Helcaran's hand caresses Kyungsoo's cheek, he leans into the cold palm while closing his eyes. He shivers but his heart eases more as the consoling gesture remains. Indebtedness pulls at him insistently and he opens his eyes soon enough. Sincerity evident in them and in his voice. "I swear to serve you in my every waking moment and even in my slumber."

Helcaran hums in approval, letting his fingertips slide across the dusted cheek as his hand drops to Kyungsoo's. He takes both of Kyungsoo's hands in his own while looking at the other in the eye. "Do these hands serve me as well?"

"Yes." The answer comes in unwavering conviction. Kyungsoo ignores the numbness that is taking over the sensation of his hands and arms. "My hands, my feet, my eyes, my mouth...my all is yours."

"Very good." Their hands are disconnected as Helcaran withdraws. His smile is wide in obvious excitement, gums showing. "It is time for you to head back. I will see you again tomorrow, ninya Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo's eyes widen at being addressed as 'my Kyungsoo' and his cheeks flush a bright red. The seldom used endearment makes it hard for him to stand up and leave. Must he always be caught unaware like this, he bemoans in his mind. He manages to bid Helcaran farewell, footsteps unsure as they trudge along the snow and out of the clearing. He does not notice Panta flying to his shoulder before it releases a startled cry and flies back away, circling over Kyungsoo's head. Neither does he notice the many pairs of eyes following his movements as he unconsciously walks the path home. Panta is releasing sorrowful and agitated coos overhead, joined by distant cries of other cuar.

"Anar manyël (Anar bless you)! Kyungsoo, you look dead!" Jongdae's exclamations do not get through to his friend. He doubts the other has even realized arriving at the outskirts of the town. He hugs Kyungsoo tightly, already having anticipated the startling temperature of the dazed young man. "You are freezing. I have to take you home."

As luck would have it, neither of Kyungsoo's parents are in the house or they would have fainted at seeing their son so pallid and out of his mind. Jongdae wraps Kyungsoo in thick blankets and makes the latter sit on a chair near the fire in the bedroom. He's reluctant to leave but he needs to get to Málantë and Baekhyun, afraid of what might happen should he not bring them and get to Kyungsoo on time. With one last glance to his unresponsive friend, he sprints out of the house and to Málantë's home, trying not to look too distressed so as not to raise alarm. He knows Misun and Seokju are at the irendë helping with dinner preparations. Smiling and greeting everyone in a deceivingly calm manner, he eventually reaches his destination.

Baekhyun's smile turns into a confused frown when Jongdae barges in once the door is opened. Once the door is shut, he turns around and is about to ask what is happening but Jongdae is already running off with his words, sounding desperate and afraid.

"Baekhyun, where is Málantë? We need to get to Kyungsoo fast. He is too cold and he has not responded once at all to anything that I have said." Jongdae is pacing back and forth the receiving room of the large house. "Málantë! Málantë! There is an emergency!"

The elderly man is out of one of the rooms with the first call of his title. His wrinkles increase once he sees Jongdae and the latter is fast in walking up to him. "What is wrong, Jongdae?"

"Málantë, it is Kyungsoo. His body is freezing. I have been trying to warm him up but nothing has worked so far. Please help him. It might simply be from being with Helcaran. I do not know. But please. It has never been this bad." Jongdae's face is turning pale with dread and the coldness from Kyungsoo's body that has seeped into his own while helping Kyungsoo. Behind him, Baekhyun has already snapped out of shock and is running from shelf to shelf of envinyatalar and laiqui, taking a few of them and putting them in a bag.

"I must see him." Málantë's face is set in determination as he begins to walk to the door. He doesn't look back to his apprentice when he speaks. "Have you gotten all that we need, Baekhyun?"

"Yes, Málantë." Baekhyun is already at his mentor's heels, bag slung over his shoulder.

Jongdae hurries toward the two. "We must not look like something is wrong. It would be bad to get everyone worried and coming to Kyungsoo's house."

Málantë nods in assent, pausing in his steps and turning to look at Baekhyun and Jongdae. "Jongdae has offered to accompany us in gathering ingredients and we want to get back before nightfall. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Málantë." Baekhyun and Jongdae answer in chorus. They're out of the door soon enough and wave off people with their excuse, blithe smiles, and indulgent greetings. When they are out of the irendë and are walking along the strips of houses, their steps hasten. No one is in sight and they safely get inside Kyungsoo's house with no more disturbances.

They find Kyungsoo exactly as how Jongdae had left him, troubled and skin the color of snow. It doesn't even seem like Kyungsoo has noticed them. His eyes remain trained on the ground, half-lidded. Málantë frowns deeply, worry evident on the lines of his face. Baekhyun clambers to Kyungsoo's side, gasping after checking Kyungsoo's temperature. Jongdae has already finished clearing Kyungsoo's desk when Baekhyun placed his bag on top of it. While the apprentice starts to concoct something for Kyungsoo, Málantë strides over to their unresponsive patient and places a hand on Kyungsoo's head.

"This is not good. He is freezing up to his sairina." Málantë sighs, pressing his palm a bit harder and concentrating on slowly relieving the frozen core of Kyungsoo's being. "If it is like this, his sairina must have come into direct contact with Helcaran's own in some way. His body cannot handle it. Baekhyun, do you perhaps have something there to aid in soothing his sairina? I, alone, cannot do it."

"I have asya, Málantë. Although it might not be that effective for sairina healing." Baekhyun hands a flask filled with black liquid meant more for easing physical pains rather than magical ones. He immediately goes back to his work in making an envinyatala to warm the body from the inside and get blood flowing again. Jongdae is beside him, handing over the needed ingredients with his instructions.

Málantë has to pry Kyungsoo's lips open and tilt Kyungsoo's head to make sure that he swallows every drop of asya. There are a few better options in his home he would have chosen but this will have to do for now. They had not been prepared to face the situation since it rarely happens that a person's sairina causes problems to the body. Once all the asya has been drunk, he places both his hands on the sides of Kyungsoo's head. Some color is slowly returning to the chilly skin as Málantë could feel Kyungsoo's sairina thawing. He utters a lirina for warmth and focuses it on Kyungsoo.

Soon, Baekhyun is ordering Jongdae to burn áraórë leaves into the fire for Kyungsoo to inhale as he brings over another flask to Málantë. This time, light purple liquid fills it— entulë they called this envinyatala. With these two things helping Málantë to bring back Kyungsoo, it takes a considerably less time and effort than if he were to only use his own sairina. Baekhyun and Jongdae are forced to wait patiently, holding onto each other's hand, as the healing process slowly progresses and comes to an end. Kyungsoo's eyes finally seem to focus and they land on Málantë who lets go of his head. He turns a confused look towards his friends who looked troubled and then deeply relieved.

"What is happening? My memory is hazy at best." Kyungsoo closes his eyes at the dull throb of his head. He takes a deep breath and notices the spicy scent in the room. "What happened to me?"

"Did you come into contact with Helcaran's sairina?" Málantë asks Kyungsoo back. His stern gaze making the younger feel the guilt brew in him. Baekhyun and Jongdae remain silent at the exchange, knowing it is not the time to interfere.

"I did, Málantë." Kyungsoo's eyes look down on his lap, his hands gripping the blankets around him. His voice comes out tentative, "Is that why I am like this?"

Málantë's expression softens at the huddled figure before him. "It is exactly why your body and sairina were frozen. We are all simple human beings, Kyungsoo. We cannot possibly handle being in contact with a god's very core. They are too powerful for us."

"I am sorry, Málantë. I had forgotten." Kyungsoo curls even more into himself. It seems that he continually messes up today. He berates himself once more. "I promise to keep it in mind from now on."

"Do make sure you do that. Next time might not be so kind to you. Your sairina might be more developed than most but it is still weak next to a god's." Málantë places a hand on top of Kyungsoo's head in a fond gesture. "I trust you to take care of yourself, Kyungsoo. Now, I shall take my leave. I leave it up to you whether or not to inform your parents about this."

Kyungsoo nods, finally looking up to see the kind smile given to him. He smiles back, comforted and feeling less guilty. "Thank you, Málantë. Nai Anar caluva tiëlyanna."

"Nai nauva mailyë." Málantë bids Kyungsoo 'May you be well' before walking away and leaving the three friends to stare at each other.

Not even a moment passes before Baekhyun and Jongdae launch themselves at Kyungsoo, alternately between hugging and shouting at him. Kyungsoo takes it all in, knowing he has caused them trouble. And he relishes in the affection that warms him even more effectively than all the blankets they could cover him with. Once more, he thinks he could never be more grateful to have such friends by his side. Chanyeol as well, though the giant is nowhere in sight and is probably in the dark regarding the situation.

"I should really throw you to Altaeäron and be done with your stupidity." Baekhyun punches Kyungsoo's arm lightly. And with the number of blankets around Kyungsoo, the latter barely feels it.

Jongdae snorts at the comment. "You are one to talk. You are just as stupid as Kyungsoo."

"Hey, I am quite smart! Who just helped in healing Kyungsoo, hmm? And I am not stupid enough to touch a god's sairina like someone here." Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Kyungsoo as he says his last comment. "Seriously, Kyungsoo. Are you trying to kill yourself or something? You know we have better ways than freezing yourself to death."

"Like hitting you until you understand that you should stop making us worry and fret over you." Jongdae scowls, flicking Kyungsoo's forehead.

The silent young man smiles at his friends, amused by their tirade. "Are you two finished?"

"That depends on what you are about to say." Jongdae crosses his arms against his chest, straightening his back so he looks imposing. Kyungsoo almost rolls his eyes at the act but lets it go, knowing this has only been the result of frazzled nerves.

"I want to apologize for causing you both trouble." Kyungsoo reaches both of his hands to take one from each of the two, squeezing them to relay sincerity. He lets them rant off at him until Chanyeol barges in on them and the storytelling begins. There's another tirade once that was done and this time with Chanyeol's loud voice joining in. By that time, he's lying down on his bed and simply nodding at all that they had to say—even when they keep insulting his intelligence. He'll let it slide for today.

He falls asleep to the sounds of their voices talking to him. And it makes him temporarily forget all that has happened with Helcaran earlier in the day.

 

The following days find Kyungsoo grasping at straws on how to handle the apparent growing affection Helcaran is now giving him constantly. He had explained what had happened to him and Helcaran seemed genuinely concerned, promising for the situation never to arise again. However, that did not stop the other at all from touching his hands and his cheeks, sometimes drawing so close that he could barely look straight into Helcaran's eyes without getting cross-eyed. Although, it is not as if he could ever look directly into those eyes when they were so close to each other. He frets every day and every night over this in his mind. He could not bring himself to speak of such to even his friends and parents.

His parents don't even know the full extent of his illness when they went home that night of his collapse. He had only told them that it had been a particularly cold day with Helcaran and that he needed rest. His friends had looked pointedly at him but understood that he did not want any more needless worrying when the situation has already been resolved. He had gone straight back to sleep after explaining. It had been true that he needed rest, a lot of it. His body had needed much rest and nutrition in order to be stabilized. But even in his weakness, he had diligently went to Helcaran to provide the other with company. To be alone in the vast forest seems so dismal to Kyungsoo—whether you are a god or a human.

"Ilasta Anna is tomorrow night, Helcaran. Will you be joining us here this time?" Kyungsoo asks, more timid now with all the affectionate gestures he has been on the receiving end of. And he still doesn't understand how Helcaran could ever treat him that way. Nor Helcaran's constant refusal to partake in the monthly feast and offering to him.

Helcaran looks as if he were considering the matter. His expression is serious with a hint of mischief as he asks, "Well, Kyungsoo, do you want me to be there?"

"Wha-" Kyungsoo reels at the unexpected question. He blurts out, "I do."

"You are always so honest." Helcaran laughs which makes Kyungsoo's cheeks color. "We shall see. But you have to do something for me, Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo snaps out of his embarrassment and sits up straight, face determined. If he could coax Helcaran into coming, then everyone will be overjoyed. "Anything you wish, my god."

"Anything? Do I have your word for that?" Helcaran's eyes are painted grim, pinning Kyungsoo down.

"Yes, my god. I swear." Kyungsoo places a hand over his fast beating heart. He doesn't quite know if it were due to nervousness, excitement, or something else.

"Then, ninya Kyungsoo," Helcaran moves nearer, hand cupping Kyungsoo's cheek. His voice is earnest and unwavering when he continues. "I wish for you to bring me a vorcelva's heart by your own hands tomorrow night."

Everything stands still the moment Helcaran finishes, almost as if the world was waiting in bated breath for a significant turning point in history. Not even the smallest of noises could disturb the thickening tension. No soft thump of falling snow or quiet pitter-patter of vorcelvar. Kyungsoo didn't even dare breathe. And it isn't because Helcaran is too close. It's because of what was being asked of him. All of his self is currently denying what he has just heard. There could be no possible way those words meant what they did. There has to be some explanation to this. There has to be.

"Wh-What? Helcaran?" The coldness of Helcaran's hand doesn't even register anymore. All Kyungsoo could feel is the heaviness in his heart. Desolation pours out of him in almost tangible waves. "Do you mean-Are you-What do you mean?"

"What is it you think I mean, Kyungsoo?" Helcaran moves back a little to regard his companion, noting the sadness in those brown eyes. His serious face softens with a worried expression. "What is it that makes you look like this?"

Kyungsoo bites his lip in hesitation, unsure if he had misjudged Helcaran's words thus insulting the other. He feels terrible thinking and reacting in such a way. Especially as Helcaran looks at him in what he sees as genuine concern. He clears his throat and speaks with his eyes straying downward in shame. "I apologize, my god, for acting so unsightly. It is only that I thought you were asking me to use the lirina I know of to present you a heart."

"Ninya Kyungsoo, that is exactly what I meant." Helcaran moves his thumb in small caresses over the smooth cheek. He watches as the shifty eyes suddenly stare up at him in surprise and thick lips fall slightly open. "Is there something wrong with it? Even a few days ago, you looked so guilty about it."

"I had sworn never to use it unless in dire circumstances. I had sworn to my teachers who had expressed such a condition when they were teaching me thus. I had sworn to _you_ who has created our land and to Nuru who presides over death. I cannot bring myself to control a life in my hands, to watch as they slowly die in front of me." Kyungsoo feels close to weeping, hot tears already prickling his eyes. The memory of the tarucca lying on the snow in shallow breaths comes back in startling clarity. He had immediately pushed its slowly beating heart back in its chest. As soon as he had done so, he had lamented and profusely apologized to the tarucca. Anguish drips hot poison in his heart at the thought of doing it again. "I cannot be so cruel as to let vorcelvar suffer such pain. They deserve better."

The long silence with its jagged edges hacks Kyungsoo painfully. He couldn't bear to disappoint Helcaran. Yet, he couldn't stomach fulfilling the request just as much. His tears fall in his worsening conflict. Chagrin pushes his head down low and beats down at his gut. However, unearthly pale hands grasp his cheeks firmly to tilt his head up once more and cold lips press upon his forehead. It soothes him a little to know that Helcaran isn't angry with his refusal. He closes his eyes to relish in the feeling. And then the lips are gone. His eyelids open with his eyes speaking of sadness.

"I do not like seeing your tears. I do not like being the cause of them." Helcaran wipes away the tears and they turn into glittering snow that land on Kyungsoo's lap. He sighs, smiling at Kyungsoo the way a person who has lived for so long and has learned of the world's ways would an innocent child. "Ninya Kyungsoo, had your teachers not told you anything?"

"What do you mean, my god?" Kyungsoo's voice cracks from his still constricting throat.

"I mean what I mean. They have not told you what the lirina's true effect is. Or maybe they do not know what it is." Helcaran's voice is grave. "Why do you think I was not angry when you told me of this lirina? It is because I know what it does."

Kyungsoo's breath hitches. Hope grows in him with Helcaran's words. "What does it do, my god?"

"It preserves a being's soul in their heart, ninya Kyungsoo." Helcaran smiles again, and the hope in Kyungsoo’s heart grows bigger. "And when you offer it to me, I am able to send their soul to the heavens. I can help with their soul much more with this than your prayers to me."

"I...they did not tell me that. Does it really help, Helcaran?" Kyungsoo has forgotten his tears by then, his despair vanishing into nothingness. He subtly leans forward making his face press more into cold palms.

"Yes. Yes it does." Thumbs resume caressing the growing cold skin. Helcaran leans in as well and makes the distance between their faces even shorter. "You believe me, right?"

"I have never once doubted you, my god. Never." Kyungsoo's heart pounds in his ears as he professes his utmost trust and faith. He takes a deep breath before he finds his resolution. 

"I will do as you please. I will offer you a heart tomorrow night, Helcaran."

The smile that brightens Helcaran's face makes Kyungsoo smile as well. Lips press against Kyungsoo's forehead one more time and linger there longer. Kyungsoo could feel burning heat spread throughout his body while his heart aches and his thoughts all leave him. His fingers scratch at his lap as they close into fists. He tries his best to remain still even when all he wants is to shy away.

Helcaran ends all their physical contact to look upon him, "Minseok."

"Minseok?" Kyungsoo's brows meet in wonder. Helcaran's smile spreads wide across his face upon hearing Kyungsoo.

"Call me by that name. It is a name dear to me." Minseok laughs at the shock in Kyungsoo's features. "It was given to me by a couple when I first appeared in this land."

Kyungsoo doesn't know how many times his breath fails him today but it does again. To call Helcaran by a human name that seems to be precious to him is beyond Kyungsoo's abilities. It is much too familiar. Always, he had addressed Helcaran respectfully, reverently. And while Helcaran seems to regard them as friends, he could not cross the line. He couldn't. "Helcaran, my god, I cannot possibly do that."

"Ninya Kyungsoo, you are my most precious person. And I wish for my most precious to call me Minseok. Did you not swear you would do anything for me?" Minseok raises an eyebrow, a hint of a mischievous smile on his lips.

"I did. However..." Kyungsoo realizes before he could finish his protest that it had no point. He had sworn that and he never goes back on his word. His face flushes the darkest red yet as his eyes flicker from Helcaran's steady gaze to his own lap. He takes a deep breath, biting his lip, and convinces himself repeatedly that he could do it. He could. He will. And yet even with all his encouragements, his voice is a tentative whisper. "Minseok."

"There we go. You did well, ninya Kyungsoo." Minseok runs his fingers through Kyungsoo's hair and a glistening snowflake ornament hangs where his fingers had threaded. "You are so precious and beautiful. But it is time for you to go. Let us meet tomorrow night."

"Yes, M...Minseok." Kyungsoo stands up and, like every other time, leaves utterly confused and out of his depth. Panta flies overhead once he's out of the clearing. The cua has taken to only letting itself near Kyungsoo during the night until before Kyungsoo has to go and accompany Minseok.

When he recounts to his friends later at night what Minseok has requested of him for Ilasta Anna, he immensely enjoys their stunned silence. And then mourns its short length as the three recover and talk unceasingly over each other. They bicker while Kyungsoo waits for them to finish, placing the snowflake hair ornament beside Minseok's two other gifts. He briefly sees his reflection and startles at his paleness. He concludes that he needs more rest. When the three eventually realize their questions had yet to be answered, their conversation launches into excited whispers of seeing Minseok again and speaking of how kind he is to offer personally delivering vorcelvar's souls to the heavens. Sleep creeps upon them soon and Kyungsoo is left alone in his bed, teetering over the edge of wakefulness.

A name hangs off his smiling lips. Minseok.

 

Morning greets Kyungsoo with his mother's hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake with a soft murmur of 'Anar is waiting for you, hinya.' He opens his eyes and blinks away the bleariness of his vision. He smiles at Misun who tells him that she had already let him sleep in for a bit but he must really get up and eat something. He sits up as she leaves his room, trying to leave grogginess back on his bed. Deciding to change his nightwear after eating, he's out not soon after his mother. He greets his parents 'Mára aure.'

"Will you tell us what all the commotion was in your room last night?" Seokju raises an eyebrow at his son. "Was it what you promised to tell us today?"

Kyungsoo juts his lower lip out in a childish manner resulting from his lingering sleepiness. His father has never been keen on timing his questions. Kyungsoo has just sat down. "Father, I have not eaten yet. But yes. It is about what I am going to tell you."

"Really, Seokju. You never learn. Feed your son first when he has just woken up or he will turn grumpy on you." Misun laughs at her husband before handing Kyungsoo a cup of tea and a bowl of edible vorolvar. "Finish your food slowly."

While Kyungsoo eats silently, Misun continues to chide Seokju who takes it all in stride. They fall into a playful banter that has Kyungsoo smiling. If at some point he would get married, then he would like to have what his parents have. He grew up witnessing their easy companionship and deep-seated trust. Both of which to him are what makes relationships work. His parents have become his ideal. Then, he'll like to have a child who takes responsibilities seriously like him but who is more outgoing than he could ever be. Or children.

"Father, mother," Kyungsoo calls out as he places his empty bowl on the table and takes a sip of his tea. Misun and Seokju look toward him with kind smiles, waiting silently for him to start. He composes himself, readying for their reactions. "Helcaran will be at Ilasta Anna tonight and he has requested me to offer him a vorcelva's heart."

"He will come? That is wonderful." Misun brings her hands together. "But why is he asking for a vorcelva's heart?"

"We have always offered our hunts' hearts to Verca." Seokju is just as confused as his wife. It is tradition to do so in order to placate the god of the wild and all vorcelvar.

Kyungsoo smiles excitedly at this point, placing his cup down should he get too enthusiastic and spill his tea. "He says that if I used the lirina that was taught to me years ago, then it will be easier for him to send its soul to the heavens."

Both Misun and Seokju have shocked and frightened faces. It's Seokju who recovers first and his voice is stern albeit shaky. "Kyungsoo, is that the lirina we have forbidden you to use? The one you swore not to use unless in times of extreme emergency and need?"

"Yes, father. But please listen to me!" Kyungsoo tries to quickly placate his parents' growing anger, reasoning with them. "Helcaran has assured me that the vorcelva's soul resides in their hearts when I take it out. And with their soul intact, he can deliver them with ease. He told me that the traveling couple must not have known about that part of the lirina."

There is a tense pause before Misun's and Seokju's stiff shoulders relax and they lean back on their chairs. Misun smiles at Kyungsoo. "I am sorry, hinya. You must understand you caught us by surprise bringing up that lirina. But if Helcaran assures of such, then I will not oppose to it."

"As will I." Seokju nods his assent. "However, did he ask for only one? Did he not ask for all of them?"

"He..." Kyungsoo is taken aback by the question. He had not wondered about that. Now his mind is running rampant with possible explanations. "He had only asked for one. It must be...It must be because he wants us to still make the offerings to Verca. And father, I am the only one from all of us who could do the lirina. I could not possibly do all of the hunting myself."

"You are right, hinya. You could not do it. And we will never allow you to take such a huge burden alone if it comes to that." Misun's lips turn into a slight frown. She stands up and walks to him, kneeling down and caressing his cheek. "Hinya, remember we are with you. We can accompany you on your hunt today."

Kyungsoo relishes in the warmth of his mother's hand as if it is slowly easing burdens he had not known of. As sure as he is of his task bringing pain upon his heart, he is just as adamant as not letting his parents see what he must do. He will protect them from worries and let them live peacefully. His smile is bright when he answers. "There is no need, mother. I will be able to handle it."

"You are doing it again, Kyungsoo." Seokju sighs at his son's words. "We worry even if you do not tell us your problems. What difference does it make knowing them? At least, we can help if we know."

Yet even with his mother's pleading eyes, Kyungsoo maintains his smile, leaning down to embrace her. "Trust me to be fine. Trust that I can take care of myself."

"We do, silly boy." Misun grips onto Kyungsoo tightly. Her fingers run through his hair in a soothing gesture. "Despite our trust, we would always worry. Whether if you are feeling well or if you are making plans for the future. Small things, big things, every single one that concerns you, we worry over."

Kyungsoo lets his parents try to change his decision for most of the morning. He smiles and laughs at the slowly becoming irrational and unrelated reasons they're offering. By lunch, he ends their humorous discussion by going back to his room and changing his clothes. He spends his afternoon helping to prepare for Ilasta Anna with his friends. Everyone in town thanks him for being able to invite Helcaran, subtly asking him questions about the other. He graciously accepts their thanks before steering clear of answering their questions. He isn't about to divulge private matters even if most private matters become public in such a small town. He can't help but feel thankful to his friends for not going off about what he has shared with them. They're generally loud-mouthed but they know when to keep silent.

"Should you be here, Kyungsoo? We are about to start moving soon and you still do not have your offering." Jongdae remarks as they take a rest. Kyungsoo's eyes sweep over the irendë before landing on his friends again.

"I did not want to cause a commotion over my offering so I am waiting until the last minute before the procession starts." Kyungsoo whispers, careful not to let himself be heard by the people walking by. It seems everything he says and does has become even more interesting to the townsfolk ever since his 20th birthday. "I will be going when they start to give the basins."

"Well, they are so you best be going." Baekhyun pushes Kyungsoo to stand up. "Go or we will leave you behind."

Kyungsoo stumbles before standing straight and looking annoyed at Baekhyun. "I go there every single day. It is not as if I am going to be lost. I can always find you easily."

"Of course." Baekhyun waves his hand dismissively, knowing it will irritate Kyungsoo more. Kyungsoo's expression darkens, and Baekhyun laughs. "Now go make us proud."

"Baekhyun, stop before Kyungsoo decides to offer your heart instead." Jongdae smacks Baekhyun while rolling his eyes. He turns to Kyungsoo afterward. "Let us handle this fool. Just go."

"I will see you guys in a bit." Kyungsoo bids them farewell with Chanyeol pretending to sob with a 'My baby is growing up.' Kyungsoo had half a mind to turn back and beat some sense into his friends. Instead, he leaves the town with minimal setbacks, having avoided the more crowded areas. Panta swoops in from the sky to perch on his shoulder. The cua rubs its head against his temple in a presumable attempt to soothe him. He thinks of how smart and empathic his cua is to have sensed his troubles. Despite all his bravado and willingness, he could not trample the growing trepidation at the act he is about to commit.

The constant reminder of the efficiency of sending a soul via this method does little to sweep away the distress that wraps around him tighter with each step. He bites his lip as he walks between the black and brown trunks. An eerie silence descends upon the forest like an ominous premonition - a warning to its inhabitants of the tragedy about to raise its curtains. It heightens Kyungsoo's hesitancy. Several times he sees a vorcelva and has the perfect opportunity for the fulfillment of his task. Yet nervousness holds him back, shaking his hands and hammering his heart.

He had trained so diligently to avoid exactly what he was about to do. Inflicting suffering and pain had never sat well with him. He doesn't think it ever will. A few times he had wondered why it is he chose to be a roilië when a part of him still could not come to terms with killing. 

In those times, he reminds himself that it is the way of the world. If he could be efficient, then he is saving them from unnecessary pain. And he has done his best to teach the others of the swiftest and most merciful ways of killing. He has always acted in accordance to kindness and mercy. And that is what he is doing, he assures himself. In the end, this is kindness. 

When he finally drags himself to reality, he draws his quinga piliniyë, aiming towards a tarucca drinking at one of the smaller streams. The pilin wounds both of the tarucca's hind legs, rendering it unable to run.

"Avatyara nillo nwalmalya." Kyungsoo kneels down beside its head, placing it on his lap as he asks forgiveness for the pain he is about to cause. He closes his eyes and bites his lips. He could do this. He could ignore the stinging of tears in his eyes and the burning of his throat. He could ignore the shaking of his limbs and the pain in his gut. With a deep breath, he focuses his sairina on his right hand while he places it atop the tarucca's chest. Panta's inquiring coo stalls him for a moment. But he presses on, fervently apologizing in his mind as he utters the lirina.

"Anta nin hónlya." (Give me your heart.)

The moment he plunges his hand into its chest, Panta screeches and flies up to the air. Anar is hiding amongst dark grey clouds that start to shower him with snow. Cries from different vorcelvar all around echo in the forest. His tears fall upon its cheek with the feeling of a beating heart in his palm. When he moves his hand up to the surface once more, the tarucca lets out a pained whine. He sobs openly as he whispers for it to forgive him. He whispers that Helcaran would soon be delivering its soul back to the heavens. He whispers all the reassurances that he is trying to convince himself with.

"Everything will be okay. It will." Kyungsoo chokes out the words. He bends down to kiss the tarucca as its eyes finally close and its breath stops. His hands don't stop shaking and he stares at the red heart that's continuing to pulse, slowly being covered in snow. If he had thought he could come to terms with this, he realizes he was sorely mistaken. It is taking all of his mental capacity not to break down and fail to return to the others. His breathing hitches unevenly as he wipes the gathering snow on the heart while muttering, "You are safe. You will be safe."

The beating heart is placed in a small pouch strapped around Kyungsoo's waist. He knows that the heaviness he feels is not from the heart but from his own self. He could feel it with his difficulty to stand, to carry the dead body on his back, to take each trembling step. He wills his tears away, not wanting to appear distraught in front of the town, but his throat remains constricted and his heart continues to weep. The accompanying dirge of the vorcelvar is haunting his every breath. And Panta's singing burns loudly in his mind. To whom is this lament sung for, one would wonder, with each note bespeaking such pure grief and regret yet without any accusation. A song of sorrow for the inevitable.

When he arrives back into town, everyone is fussing over the poignant music from Calataurë. It is inevitable then to keep from them what he has done. His parents take the tarucca's body from him with a kiss to his head while his friends stay close to protect him from the onslaught of questions. Condo ushers the people away as she walks closer to Kyungsoo. She guides him to a less crowded area, asking to be left alone with him. He follows meekly, guilt still keeping his head down.

"Kyungsoo, will you tell me what is going on?" Condo speaks softly, careful not to frighten Kyungsoo any further than he already seems to be. "You look very troubled."

"I have taken its heart. Taken it while it was still alive." Kyungsoo's voice is almost inaudible and Condo would not have understood his words had he not shakily reached into the pouch and showed her the heart. He flinches at her gasp. "Helcaran-He-He had asked for this offering. I swear, Condo."

She places a hand on his shoulder. "I believe you. You would never lie to me on something so grave. Do not be so troubled, Kyungsoo. No one is going to condemn you for this. It is by Helcaran's wishes. We all abide by him no matter the seeming absurdity."

"Thank you." Kyungsoo meets her eyes briefly before lowering his gaze once more. His hands tremble as Condo pushes him gently to face the crowd.

"Meldërnya," she addresses everyone and all heads turn. There's a hush that precedes silence. "Helcaran has wished for Kyungsoo to bring him a heart. By means of sairina. This must have been the cause of the vorcelvar's lament. Do not worry. Do not panic. And do not scorn Kyungsoo. He was following Helcaran's wishes and so should we. Let Kyungsoo do his part tonight without any persecution. That is all. Go and finish preparations. Anar is about to start setting."

"Á carë mai!" A voice shouts from the crowd - 'Do well!'. The sincere encouragement is clearly directed at Kyungsoo who startles at hearing it. His eyes shift from face to face in confusion before smiling tentatively. This garners more shouts of the blessing before the crowd disperses. Children are ushered along by their parents and are prevented from overwhelming Kyungsoo with their eagerness to see the heart up close.

Kyungsoo turns to Condo, thanking her again with a brighter smile this time. He feels reassured now. She smiles back before pushing him into the hurrying persons. He manages to avoid dropping the heart as he makes his way in between bodies. A hand grabs and pulls him by the arm. He almost bursts in anger before seeing the grinning face of Chanyeol and then the similar grins of Baekhyun and Jongdae. His burdens seem to become lighter with his friends making sure he isn't overwhelmed in guilt.

The procession goes by smoothly after the whole commotion. Most sneak glances and stares at Kyungsoo all throughout the time of preparation and even while they walk. Kyungsoo thinks they aren't really trying to be discreet. He's quickly relearning that nothing could be discreet in this town with its people. It's a good thing, his parents and friends have already calmed him down and comforted him even when he told them he was fine. They had absolutely none of his lies, giving him an intricately designed platter for the heart and more than enough hugs that had the potential to suffocate him. He had complained but he appreciated them.

He appreciated them a lot because the moment they enter Calataurë, the heavy feeling comes back and drags his feet. It's still snowing lightly and he could just feel the oppressive air that has fallen over the forest. He could feel its sorrow prickling his skin even through his tóvacco. He could feel a multitude of eyes staring at him and he knows these were no longer human. His hands are trembling once again and he thinks how lucky he is to be stationed at the end of the line so that only a few could see him should they choose to look. Jongdae is beside him, nudging at his side. But he smiles and shakes his head.

"You are impossible, Kyungsoo." Jongdae whispers in over-the-top exasperation. "Would it make you feel better if I take that off your hands for a while?"

"No, Jongdae. It is my burden to bear." Kyungsoo sighs before looking at Jongdae with earnestness. "And even if you hold it, I would still feel guilty. It does not matter where the heart is because the knowledge and the memory that I am the one who has done the deed is more than enough to plague me."

Jongdae lightly knocks Kyungsoo's temple with his knuckle. "And, of course, the facts that you had been following Helcaran's wishes and that this is an act of mercy do nothing to sway your thick-headed mind."

"They do, honestly. But what am I to do when the guilt keeps coming back even if I try to hold onto those justifications? It is like I am a vorolva swaying wherever the winds please." And Kyungsoo honestly couldn't think that the guilt would ever go away. Not when the image is so vivid in his mind. Not when his memory has never failed to evoke feelings from him as if they were fresh and not from long ago.

"I accept the guilt, Jongdae, as an inseparable existence to my actions. If I do not, then I am heartless and unkind. In the end, I must stop from trying to be completely fine with this because I should never be. Despite all this, I am thankful for your efforts in bringing and offering me ease."

"I think this might be the longest I have ever heard you speak." Jongdae grins, laughing when all Kyungsoo could do is glare at him. He carefully places a good distance between them before Kyungsoo could think of tripping him. However, he sobers up soon enough and looks seriously into his friend's eyes. "Kyungsoo, I understand what it is you are saying. Yes, I agree. But I do not want you to be dictated by this guilt. You must only let it affect you in positive ways—to be better than who you are now. I do not want it to drag you down and make you forget to be happy. I do not want your smiles and laughs to be faded memories of the past. I would rather have a violent friend than a lifeless one."

Kyungsoo smiles timidly even as he rolls his eyes at the last comment. He elbows Jongdae's arm playfully. "Amazing. I did not think you were capable of being so insightful."

"Hey." Jongdae's expression is affronted. Kyungsoo laughs at this.

"Thank you, Jongdae." The timid smile widens to a more relaxed and expressive one. "I know you guys will not let me turn out that way."

Before Jongdae could reply, the dirge of the vorcelvar begins again. Kyungsoo's countenance falls and he sighs in resignation. For tonight, the weight of guilt will be heaviest. A hand wraps around his arm and he looks up to see Jongdae staring into his eyes intently. He gets what the other is trying to say and he nods in return. The silence between them comes seemingly natural as neither found it in themselves to speak over the music. Kyungsoo looks forward to the people ahead of them. He's amazed at how unaffected they are by the gloom and mourning that weave through the forest. They march on with a solemnness about them, hiding the excitement they release upon entering the clearing and seeing Helcaran sitting underneath Calatáva.

Parents are quick to hold onto their children before any could run up to Helcaran. Everyone forms a half-circle a distance away from the great tree. One by one, they all kneel down. Those who hold offerings remain standing and walk toward Helcaran. They kneel in front of him and present the food and drinks. To which he gives a small smile before telling them to lay it all down next to him on the stone. When all is done, Kyungsoo is the only one remaining standing at the edge of the clearing. Jongdae had nudged his leg forward but he could not get himself to walk over. Not until Helcaran smiles at him, gesturing for him to come forward. Once more, eyes dart to stare at him as he slowly makes his journey.

He notices that, with each step, the music seems to get louder and louder. His eyes try to subtly see if anyone else is surprised or has noticed but they all seem fixated at the heart. Each note being sung by the vorcelvar is invading his mind and making his limbs stiff with unknown fear. The sorrow in the music is now an undertone to a direr note. And though Isil should be shining brightly upon them, she is nowhere to be found in the sky, hiding in the clouds like Anar had. The air is getting colder and thinner as he walks on. He could hardly breathe, could hardly think. He can only feel constricted as his head remains bowed down, eyes staring at the snow-covered heart.

And maybe it is only his guilt that is amplifying everything his sense are taking in, he thinks. He hopes. It's scary to imagine that the forest is truly setting up to a haunting scene. As if this is wrong. That all of this is wrong. But it certainly isn't. Not when he chances a glance at Helcaran and sees the other smiling encouragingly at him. The music going into a powerful crescendo abruptly stills as he arrives in front of Helcaran. A soft coo drifts through the wind. It makes Kyungsoo fall upon his knees because he knows who that call is from—his beloved Panta. The sound squeezes his heart. Despite this, he raises the platter above his deeply bowed head.

"Well done, Kyungsoo." Minseok's eyes shine at the sight of the beating heart."Well done."

Kyungsoo heaves out a deep breath. Hearing the commendation feels like warm water washing away the coldness. "Thank you, my god."

Something in the air shifts once Minseok touches the platter and takes it from Kyungsoo. A strong wind blows and the branches of Calatáva sway with it. Sprinkles of snow fall from the leaves and dance in the air with the snow from the clouds. With its branches swaying, Calatáva's light seems to be dancing and casting all sorts of shadows here and there. Panta's soft song flies with the breeze, down into ears and up into the sky. Upon listening to it, Kyungsoo finds himself making a hasty return to Jongdae who is staring up at the great tree in wonder. Kyungsoo kneels down beside his friend with a sigh. Jongdae turns to him then, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

"You did good." Jongdae knocks their heads together. "Although Panta is quite a dreary singer. You should teach him happier songs."

"It kind of sounds like he is disappointed with me." Kyungsoo frowns as the song continues on. The arm resting on him draws back before Jongdae is pinching his cheeks in admonishment.

Jongdae's brows furrow in mild annoyance. "Kyungsoo. We talked about this just a moment ago. This is your guilt talking. I am going to start calling your guilt 'stupid'. That is your stupid making you more stupid."

Annoyed, Kyungsoo pushes Jongdae away. "Call me stupid one more time, Jongdae, and I will dismember you."

"I will stop calling you stupid when you stop being stupid." Jongdae's grin is teasing but his face is serious. 

"I am not stupid." Kyungsoo huffs. Before they could argue further, other townsfolk begin Ilasta Anna's celebration. Singing fills the air and Kyungsoo looks to see Helcaran indulging children in a show of small ice figurines. He smiles at the excitement in their faces because he knows just how mesmerizing it is. Some adults even stop and stare. He sees Condo coming forward to Helcaran before his vision is blocked by Chanyeol and Baekhyun who are grinning down at him and Jongdae. They end up badgering him and talking with each other enthusiastically. He spots his parents who laugh at his troubled expression. His mother blows him a kiss before she and Seokju begin to sing and dance.

Like Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol think all that is going through his mind is ridiculous. Baekhyun even suggests for Malantë to check his mind again. He scowls at that and assures them that there is nothing wrong with his mind. His friends look at each other before laughing at him. It makes him scowl further and punch their guts. Chanyeol wheezes out, "Your worrying is already a sign that you are not fine. It is excessive."

"It is not." Kyungsoo's glare softens in surprise as he hears a faint sound from the trees. It's Panta still singing. His friends draw his attention away again.

"It is. Now either you promise to see Malantë or I will bring him to you." Baekhyun crosses his arms, looking steadily at Kyungsoo. He had been going for intimidating but now that they are all sitting down, he didn't have the advantage of height to seem scary.

Kyungsoo agrees reluctantly. He would rather not have the elderly man walk too much. Though Malantë will likely argue that he is still strong, Kyungsoo thinks otherwise. His thoughts wander over to Malantë who always stays behind in the town with those who could no longer make the journey and a handful of cundor who guard the town. If he were to be completely honest with himself, he was planning to go and ask for some nísimaúr again. It might help clear his head of all the negative thoughts and maybe gain some advice as well. His attention is brought back when his friends drag him to the performers. They coax him into joining. He could feel a pair of eyes watching him intently. He knows it's Helcaran before even seeing the other. He sends a timid smile before performing with his friends and his parents.

Tonight's Ilasta Anna is filled with even more merriment despite everyone trying to be in their best behavior before Helcaran. They had been reluctant to eat when they saw that Helcaran wasn't. But the latter assured them that he would when all is done. Kyungsoo thought that Helcaran must not like being watched. Despite this hiccup, everyone has grown even fonder of Helcaran by nightfall. They all wish to stay longer. Helcaran smiles at them, firmly ushering them back to town.

"It is not right to spend your night here. Go and sleep. Responsibilities must not be put on hold."

Kyungsoo's admiration increases to the point that his friends tell him to stop staring so longingly at Helcaran. His cheeks warm at the teasing and the following laughter. The obnoxious sound turns into snickering when Helcaran calls for Kyungsoo as everyone is lining up for the procession. He punches them harder this time before walking to Helcaran. The three clutch at their midsection as they walk gingerly to their positions, muttering about ill-tempered friends. Kyungsoo ignores them, partly not on purpose. Most of his time spent with Helcaran is characterized by the dissolution of everything else but the other.

"Yes, my god?" Kyungsoo bows his head.

"Ah, ninya Kyungsoo. What have I told you to call me?" Minseok raises an eyebrow at Kyungsoo who flushes and looks around to see if anyone is within hearing range. "No one is listening. There is no need to be reluctant."

"Minseok." Kyungsoo whispers, his lips tugging up to a small smile when he receives one. "What is it you wish from me?"

Pale hands touch warm cheeks, bringing Kyungsoo's head down enough for Minseok to kiss his forehead. "A simple thank you. As well as to tell you that you are to offer me a heart every Ilasta Anna. Your leader has already been told."

The thoughts in Kyungsoo's mind come to a halt upon hearing Minseok's words. His insides feel cold and his heart is injected numb with dread. Could he possibly go through this every month? To wade neck deep upon condemnation and remorse? When Minseok's expectant expression turns a bit sullen, he finds his resolve. "Yes, Minseok. I will do as you wish."

Assurance comes in the form of Minseok's smile and gentle reminder that he should join his people. Consolation comes in the form of his friends and his parents once they are in the house, having dragged his friends to talk before they go home. When he breaks the news to them, their worried looks are all he sees. Their voiced out concerns pile one on top of the other. They all eventually resolve into a disinclined resignation of his duty without him even speaking a single word. He almost laughs at how animated his parents and his friends are when together. Being miffed at not being able to defend himself is no longer an option. Not when they know him well enough to predict his oppositions.

"Just rely on us to bear the burden with you."

That is the statement all five had unanimously and fully agreed upon to remind him. Though guilt still lingers and drapes itself over him, he could feel himself grow happier at the obvious love and concern being shown and given to him. Tonight is a rare night. He hugs each one of them tightly with a small words of thanks. His friends are wise enough not to tease him about his behavior and take their leave. His parents kiss him good night before retiring into their room. As he lies under his blanket, his eyes drift to the empty bedpost where Panta would usually be. He bites his lip.

His cua must still be in Calataurë. He wonders if the sorrowful song still plays, weaving through the trees. Somehow, in his heart, he knows it still is - could almost hear it should he strain his ears enough. Yet even without trying, his mind already presents him with a clear memory of it. To hear it each time he takes a heart would drive him to the brink of insanity. He hopes he would grow accustomed to the song—as well as the act—without feeling overly self-hating or inadequately remorseful. Despite reluctance and dread lingering at the thought of future kills, his dislike of failing Helcaran is greater. He has a month more to grow into the idea of his new duty. He reassures himself that he will be able to fulfill it and be less perturbed than as he is now. He stares outside his window to find Isil shining in a manner that he could only describe as gentle melancholy, tugging at his heart.

A tear falls as he descends into a woeful slumber.

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)   



	5. Runya Lempë

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

No rays from Anar wake up Kyungsoo. Instead, he is startled to consciousness by a nightmare that now escapes his thoughts. A light layer of sweat glistens on his skin from the light of the fire in his room. The sky outside is grey and there is snow drizzling upon the town. It's as he's sitting up that he notices Panta at the end of his bed, looking at him unwaveringly. Somehow, he feels ashamed in front of his cua. People would laugh and find him quite foolish should they know of this. Hardly anyone is as closely attuned to nature as he is, Málantë once said, and that makes it harder for them to understand him at times.

He's surprised when Panta glides to him, landing on his lap. They stare at each other for a brief moment. Panta then toddles closer and nuzzles its head on his chest. The warm gesture almost makes him cry. The fact that Panta returned to him is already beyond his predictions. He sighs in relief, hand coming up to stroke Panta's head and back. "Thank you."

The serene atmosphere of a blank mind becomes disrupted to the sound of knocking. Panta perches upon Kyungsoo's shoulder as Misun comes in cautiously. She smiles when she sees him already awake. "Mára aure, hinya. There is breakfast waiting. Do you have anything to do today?"

"Mára aure, mother." Kyungsoo returns her smile with his own. He could see her body relax right after. She must have been worried about him. "I am planning to visit Málantë later."

"I see." She nods before smiling again. "Well, you better get out of the bed and eat soon. I would rather not drag my 20 year old child to have breakfast."

Kyungsoo's expression is mirthful. "Yes, mother."

"And I will prepare something for Panta as well." She remarks before leaving him aloen. The bedroom falls into silence once more until Kyungsoo is shuffling out of bed and changing clothes with Panta walking to and fro his bed.

The morning goes by with a somewhat stagnant air. Conversations with his parents steer his thoughts from self-deprecation. But there are pauses in between them that trip and push him over to a more dreary place. Misun and Seokju try their best to keep him preoccupied. They are patient even if it takes him too long to respond to their calls—Panta needing to prod him. That's why it's painful to excuse himself from eating lunch in favor of going to Málantë. And he wants to reassure his parents that he's fine but Seokju speaks before he does.

"Do not apologize. And do not lie, Kyungsoo." Seokju is stern in voice and in expression. It makes Kyungsoo's face fall a bit even as his father mellows down upon continuing. "We know you are not well. We know your burdens. We are not asking for you to suddenly feel happy. Take your time coming to terms with what has happened and what will happen. Even we need time as well."

"We are your parents, hinya. Parents neither push nor pull their children but gently coax and guide them. We will be here in each step you take. No matter how small. No matter what direction." Misun reaches across to Kyungsoo and holds his hands tightly in hers. Her smile causes tears to prickle behind his eyes. He thinks of how lucky he is to have them in his life. He nods, unable to express his gratitude in words.

The trek to Málantë's home is a struggle. Kyungsoo tries his best to be inconspicuous in order to avoid bombardment, making sure to trudge the longer path with less people. He knows he couldn't deal with the curious questions about the heart and about Helcaran. He doesn't know how to properly answer. Luckily, Málantë never expects proper answers, only honesty, and never judges anyone. He feels more encouraged at the thought as he knocks on Málantë's back door. The elder's knowing look greets him.

"Baekhyun told me you will come. With what I have been hearing, I would have gone to you if you were not here sooner." Málantë opens the door wider for Kyungsoo to come inside. Nísimaúr is already burning inside the home and Kyungsoo could physically feel himself sagging to a calmness. The apothecary guides him to one of the rooms for the sick.

Kyungsoo sits down on the bed as Málantë sits across him on a chair. "I apologize, Málantë."

There's a wave of dismissal and a disapproving grunt. "You always apologize for things you should not be apologizing for. You need to learn to correct that or it will cost you later on."

"I will try, Málantë." Kyungsoo feels a bit of shame at being reprimanded, almost asking for pardon again. He isn't quite sure why it is that Málantë wants him to apologize less. In his mind, it's a courteous thing to do. But he will listen. Málantë's advices have never led him astray. He clears his throat upon remembering why he is there. "Málantë, I was wondering if you would be able to give me more nísimaúr. I am not feeling well."

"I am not surprised. You have gone through quite an ordeal." The elderly man eyes Kyungsoo up and down in silent assessment. "However, I want to hear about it from you. I want to know not only what happened but your thoughts and feelings as well."

Kyungsoo fidgets in his place. This is something that must be done in order for him to get the right help. He wonders if he could be able to put in words all that is in his mind.

"I told Helcaran about the travelers who taught me to get in touch and to control my sairina. I also told him about the one lirina I learned from them. A part of me thinks I should not have told him. Then he would not have asked me to take a heart and offer it to him last night. I would not be feeling so guilty now. But he told me that it will help him in sending the vorcelva's soul faster into heaven. And I do want that. I want for the souls to find peace as soon as they can. It is just that..."

Málantë does not speak when Kyungsoo pauses. The fragrant air helps to settle Kyungsoo's emotions down to a degree he could handle. He takes a deep breath before speaking again.

"It is just that I am so horrified by what it takes to achieve that. I cannot erase from my mind the poor tarucca's dying eyes and labored breathing. I can still feel its warm beating heart in my hands. And the forest, Málantë. I could feel its sorrow. All of the vorcelvar were lamenting. There was such a heavy air that I was honestly surprised no one had noticed. I guess it must have been all in my head. These feelings of shame and remorse must be conjuring up hallucinations. I can hardly think properly, Málantë. I need your help badly."

The effects of the nísimaúr seem to be lessening because Kyungsoo feels the suffocating sensation once more. Guilt digs its claws in his throat and squeezes tightly, choking him. He could feel it burning his insides. It barely registers in his mind that Málantë has a hand on the crown of his head. He looks up blearily through unshed tears to a concerned face.

"Kyungsoo, I hardly think you had been hallucinating. I felt Calataurë's sorrow from here in my home as well. And we both know that, out of the two of us, you are more attuned to it than I am. I can only begin to imagine what it must have felt like to you." Málantë's sigh evokes one from Kyungsoo as well. "I do not have anything to relieve you of the guilt you are feeling. That is all up to you. Neither can I ward off Calataurë's sorrow from you without cutting off all your senses and your control over your sairina."

Devastation settles heavily in Kyungsoo's gut. A tear falls from the regretful words spoken to him. While he had not been expecting much, it still feels like hope had been snuffed out. He shakes his head and bites his lip, reprimanding himself. He should not be wishing for an easy way out. Like Málantë has said, ridding himself of guilt is something he alone can do, no matter how hard it will be.

"I can give you a stronger nísimaúr, however, to help ease your mind. As well as an envinyatala for when you have trouble sleeping." Málantë's hand moves to rest on his lap again. Kyungsoo rubs his eyes then and smiles gratefully. "I advise you to stay out of Calataurë until you are better. The more you go in there, the more things will be harder for you. I do not think the forest will stop lamenting any time soon, from what I can feel."

"But Helcaran has asked for me to visit him every day." He thinks he might not be able to get any reprieve at all. How could he choose between his health and Helcaran? He knows Helcaran will always come first. There is no doubt nor question in his heart. "I could never go against his wishes, Málantë. Not even if it means my suffering."

"Your loyalty is admirable, Ancalima. But I am sure if you were to speak about your health with Helcaran, he will understand. He might even already know." Málantë heaves a sigh as he stands up. "Now, would you like to join me and Baekhyun to lunch before I let you go with what you need?"

Kyungsoo gets up as well, walking over to the doorway where the elder is waiting for him. "Thank you, Málantë."

Baekhyun meets them in the receiving room where a table has been set up with food. He engulfs Kyungsoo in a hug before pulling the latter to sit. "So, are you feeling better?"

"Yes. A bit." Kyungsoo accepts the bowl handed to him, nitpicking at the vorolvar before eating. "Although, I am not too sure how to handle the town when I show up for Alta Ocombë later. I may opt to spend the night in my room again."

"You have to understand, Ancalima, that it is seldom the people see sairina used other than the times Baekhyun and I heal them. And it is the first time anyone has ever seen a heart that has not stopped beating." Málantë's lips stretch to an amused smile. "I think they have already forgotten they use sairina in everyday life."

Kyungsoo's eyes widen in surprise. "They do? I thought only a few can."

"Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo. You have much to learn." Baekhyun tuts in a playfully arrogant manner that has Kyungsoo rolling his eyes. "People think using sairina will always produce a spectacle. That is not true. Remember, it is the reason we live. Each morning you wake up is a use of sairina."

"I do remember the travelers calling sairina, vemelehtë, at times." Kyungsoo pauses his eating to contemplate on the word— _life force_. His lips tug down in displeasure. "I think my mind might have put away most of what Seong and Jae have taught me when I had decided not to use the lirina."

"They will come back to you should you wish to remember them." Málantë puts down his empty bowl. "The nísimaúr I will give you might help in that. If not, we have other options."

"Yes. I will personally make them for you." Baekhyun grins as he nudges Kyungsoo. He gives his friend a judgmental look.

"I would rather you not. Who knows if you will poison me?" Kyungsoo bites back a laugh when his friend looks absolutely appalled by the idea. He is given a wounded look that he responds to with a raised eyebrow.

"Your faith in me is astounding, Kyungsoo. Years of friendship and this is where we are?"

"Oh. Has our relationship been of friends? I was with the impression that we are mere acquaintances." Kyungsoo finishes his food with a smile threatening to show. Being in Málantë's home really works wonders to his well-being. There is something within these walls that truly does heal all ailments. "I do hope working with all these laiqui has not damaged your poor mind."

"If you were not ill..." Baekhyun grumbles and pouts while stuffing his face with food.

At this time, Kyungsoo does laugh before he notices Málantë has already stood up and is gesturing for him to follow. They walk to the shelves where Málantë takes a palm-sized bag and a small flask of purple liquid and places them in Kyungsoo's hands. "You are always welcome to ask for more."

"Thank you, Málantë."

And with that, Kyungsoo is off. It is already the afternoon and he does not want Helcaran to wait so long for him to arrive. He quickly makes his way back to his house and places the bags in his room. His parents shake their heads at him when he is gone as soon as he has arrived. But he sees them smile when he waves farewell. Jongdae, on the other hand, gives him another exasperated sigh with a 'You are the most stubborn person I have ever met.' when he reaches the edge of the town. He shrugs and takes it as a compliment.

"I will be waiting for you here, Kyungsoo. You better be back before Anar sets." Jongdae's grim expression and almost parental demeanor amuses Kyungsoo. He lets out a soft laugh before nodding.

"Okay, Jongdae. I promise to be back as soon as I can so that you will not worry your head off." His reply causes a deeper frown on his friend's face that sobers him up. "I promise to be careful, Jongdae."

"I am not worried about the dangers in the forest, stupid." Jongdae's flick to his forehead isn't the least bit painful. "I am more worried about the dangers inside that head of yours. Have you been to Málantë?"

"I have. He has already given me nísimaúr and envinyatala." Kyungsoo pats his friends shoulder. "I will do my best to feel better."

"Do your best to _think_ better. Now go so you might come back early." Jondae pushes him away and he wants to feel happy about his friend's concern but the sight of Calataurë greets him.

He stumbles on the snow as he walks on slightly trembling legs. It hits him now— the disheartening weight he has ignored since this morning. He could almost hear the whispered cries from within. In his eyes, the trees seem much more forbidding. Their branches look like claws that would move and cage him. 

He shakes his head. Jongdae is right. His mind is certainly more dangerous. He knows this is his guilt latching onto his thoughts. Calataurë is a familiar place to him—a place where he has sought solitude and which has never given him any reason to be frightened like this. He takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and trudges on.

Ignoring the eyes that follow him and the distinct sounds of lithe feet running away, he eventually arrives at the clearing. The sight that greets him almost makes him stumble back. A number of vorcelvar made of ice are strolling around beautiful ice flowers as it snows down upon them. He watches in amazement as everything parts to create a path for him toward Helcaran. His eyes finally look upon the other who seems to have been watching him all this time. He feels embarrassed to have been so taken by all of this when he should be used to Helcaran's powers by now.

"Mára aure, Helcaran." He greets as he makes his way to the stone. The frown on pale lips has him pausing in confusion and worry until he remembers. "I mean, Minseok."

Minseok smiles brightly at him. "Mára aure, ninya Kyungsoo. What will you amuse me with today?"

The stone feels colder than usual when he sits down. He casts a worried look at Minseok. "I am afraid I have unpleasant news."

"Unpleasant?" Minseok's dismayed look pains Kyungsoo almost to the point of retracting his words. He continues nonetheless.

"I have been advised to stay away from Calataurë in order to gain back my health." His eyes shift down to his lap, his fingers twiddling. "The forest's mood is affecting me."

He hears the confusion in Minseok's voice. "What do you mean?"

"Málantë told me I am highly attuned to nature and it makes me sensitive to Calataurë. The vorcelvar as well. I know you are better at handling its heavy atmosphere right now. But it is taking a toll on me. Somehow its sorrow is seeping into me and I feel ill at ease." Kyungsoo feels the budding desire to curl into himself. The shadows made by Cálatava that dance upon the ground, to him, still look like the monsters in the books he's read. As if they would catch a hold of his feet and drag him down into the snow, further into the ground that will swallow him whole.

"Kyungsoo," It helps that Minseok's voice is mild. He is drawn gently away from his thoughts and into concerned eyes. "If you need to rest, then do so. I will see you when it is time."

The desire to curl into himself morphs into a desire to be close to Minseok. He unconsciously leans in before he catches and stops himself. His hands grip his pants tightly as he smiles. "Thank you, Minseok. I will do my best to see you as soon as I can."

"Be well, ninya Kyungsoo." Minseok takes Kyungsoo's hand before kissing it.

A thought comes and goes in Kyungsoo's mind. If Minseok were always with him in the forest, then he need not be burdened. His mind becomes empty of everything except Minseok when he is with the other. The only feelings that seem to truly register in his heart and mind are embarrassment, pride, and adoration. And he could live with that. Minseok makes him feels giddy to the point that he feels content before he sleeps. But that doesn't happen tonight. As soon as he steps out of the clearing, he could feel the forest's despondency trying to sew itself onto his skin.

By the time he gets back to Jongdae, he is as downhearted as he was before leaving. His friends crowd his bed and even pile on top of him in their odd attempt to make him feel less distraught. The image of Chanyeol clinging to him had been enough to send his mother laughing when she invited them to Alta Ocombë—they declined. Oddly enough, he feels comforted by his friends' gestures. Or it might have been the burning nísimaúr that Baekhyun mixed into the fire, certainly not forgetting to reprimand Kyungsoo for not doing so sooner. The three decide for themselves to stay cramped up in his bed for the night, clinging even when he tries to kick them out. He gives up with a grumpy expression but he falls asleep in comfort.

When a nightmare creeps in, his friends make sure to cuddle even closer.

 

It takes a week of staying at home and visiting Málantë for Kyungsoo to come to terms with what happened. He spends his mornings talking with his parents about the town and Calataurë. They always try to reassure him every chance they get. The town is fine. The children miss playing with him and Panta. Condo isn't expecting him to hunt with them any time soon. Everyone misses seeing him walking around town and brightening up the day. He doesn't really believe the last part. He's well-aware of his reclusive inclinations and he thinks it doesn't make him as endearing as he used to be.

"Oh, trust us, hinya. The littlest of your smiles brighten the day like Anar does." Misun tells him with a wistful expression.

His friends, on the other hand, fill him in with all the talk of the town. It apparently revolves mostly around him. He finds relief in knowing it is all curious and, at times, nonsensical conjectures. The children say he is a heavenly being in disguise and is currently resting from using his sairina. That makes him laugh because they had always told him he is this or that creature, from a wingil to a faila (angel). But when some adults start to share the same sentiment, he is mortified.

"I do not think he is as amused as we are." He barely catches Chanyeol comment.

He's close to pulling his hair. It was never his intention for people to look at him this way. It unnerves him how lightly they take his burdens. "Why would they even think that?"

"Helcaran favors you. Your control over your sairina. Your connection to Calataurë. Must I go on?" Jongdae raises an eyebrow at him. He feels rightly corrected but still disappointed with people's views.

Chanyeol unexpectedly laughs before explaining. "You forgot to mention 'I told you all. He is a child of Anar. That bright child.'"

He would have laughed like Baekhyun and Jongdae at how awkward Chanyeol's voice becomes when he mimics that of an old woman. He guesses it must have been Hwayoung heri who said those words. The mámandil always compared him to Anar since he was young. It had been nice back then. Now, it makes him feel awkward. These sentiments will only distance him further from everyone. He certainly doesn't want that. His distress must have shown on his face because his friends eventually stop laughing and poke him.

"It cannot be helped that you are gifted and that people will make the wrong assumptions, Kyungsoo. We have talked about this with Málantë already." Baekhyun huffs. Exasperated, he thinks but then his friend gives him a teasing smile that has his guards up. "You know the most extraordinary thing about you is your stubbornness. You could be the god of it. That I would believe."

His friends laugh as he glares and scrunches his nose in distaste. Jongdae and Chanyeol agree in between howls of laughter. The three cling to each other and he shakes his head, throwing a pillow at them. It isn't funny at all. They let up after some time, wiping away a few stray tears. When their eyes land on him, they coo over his supposed pout. He thinks they're blind if his scowl is a pout to them. They fall into a somber mood when Jongdae asks how he is. He sighs before sharing his thoughts, looking over at Panta who is dutifully standing guard at his window.

"Panta is my repose." He smiles when his cua turns to look at him upon the mention of its name. There's a soft coo before it flies over to him on the bed and nestles itself on his lap. "I feel like I am continuously forgiven each time Panta comes to me like this or sings me to sleep."

"Calataurë could be speaking to you through Panta." Chanyeol plops himself onto the bed and startles Panta. Kyungsoo immediately strokes his cua to relax again. "The book I am currently rewriting talks a bit about the interconnection between the sairina of all creatures of nature. But it is still a theory."

He glares when Jongdae lies down on Chanyeol and Panta is disgruntled again. "Stop it. Panta is resting."

"Sorry." Jongdae's smile seems only half-apologetic. "Do you still feel Calataurë from here?"

"Yes but it has mellowed down. The air doesn't seem as suffocating as before." He adjusts himself to lean against his headboard. “But it still feels sorrowful."

"I do not think it will feel anything else. It might not even completely fade away." Chanyeol's voice is a terrible wheeze from Jongdae's weight. There's even a pained groan when an elbow strikes. "What?"

Baekhyun sits beside him with a sigh and an unimpressed look at Chanyeol. "Are you seriously dumb? After all the books you have been rewriting all these years."

"It might be too monotonous to be of help to his brain." Jongdae digs his elbow further onto Chanyeol's back. "Let me tell you Chanyeol that what you said is not considered helpful or uplifting at all."

"I was being truthful! If you were to think about it, Calataurë is like a parent and the vorcelvar are her children." Chanyeol manages to wrestle away from Jongdae. By this time, Panta has given up on resting at Kyungsoo's lap and perches on his shoulder instead.

Jongdae sits up from being thrown roughly to the edge of the bed. "I think it is more like Calataurë is all of the vorcelvar and the vorolvar, not a separate entity."

"Or the Calataurë that Kyungsoo is feeling is actually Verca." Baekhyun's arm goes around behind Kyungsoo's head to pat Panta. It makes the cua trill. "No matter which one of us is right, all we should concern ourselves with is Kyungsoo."

"But does that not include finding out about what Kyungsoo senses?" Chanyeol takes his revenge by leaning back on Jongdae and almost making the latter fall from the bed. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at his friends. No matter how serious the conversation, they manage to inject some rowdiness. "You are being small-minded, Baekhyun."

"I like to think I am simply very focused." Baekhyun sniffs, retracting his hand from petting Panta to cross his arms. "As the apprentice of Málantë, I am more concerned about Kyungsoo's health than dabbling into topics that we are most likely not getting an answer to."

The topic of conversation stares blindly ahead as his friends argue. Their words got him into thinking. What is it that he feels? He is pulled out of his musings when Jongdae remarks, "As soon as Kyungsoo stops being overcome by guilt, then Calataurë will no longer be a scary place for him."

"I never said it was scary." He grumbles. All three of his friends give him a disbelieving look.

"You might as well have said those exact words. You just like to beat around the bush." Chanyeol reaches out to mess Kyungsoo's hair. Panta saves him by pecking Chanyeol's arm lightly. His friend gives an affronted look. "Panta. I am hurt."

"Like cua, like human." Jongdae snickers to which he shoots a glare in response.

Chanyeol nods in agreement. "Panta, you must not be so influenced by Kyungsoo or you will turn out as sour as he is."

He kicks Chanyeol's gut, feeling happy that his legs could reach that far. "I am not sour."

"Oh yes. You are a small ball of happiness. I forgot, _Ancalima_." Baekhyun gets out of the bed just before he could elbow his friend. "Ancalima, spare us the brightness of your charming smile."

Somehow, they all devolve into a mess as they began to wrestle. All in a playful manner except Kyungsoo's hits are painful and his friends end up surrendering to him. He basks in the triumph and the light atmosphere that has him feeling him again. There is a sense of comfort that his friends never fail to evoke out of him in the four walls of his warm bedroom. It is just unlucky that it's hard to replicate outside. Especially when the time comes for the next Ilasta Anna.

 

The days that he had spent with Helcaran when he recovered up were nothing short of marvelous. The ice figures that frolicked in the clearing and always greeted him in breathtaking ways were even more beautiful than before. There was a certain glimmer to them now. He had asked Helcaran about it, hesitantly as he always is with the other.

"Coming down here took a lot out of me. Now that I have regained my powers, I am able to do more." The reply came in an understanding manner.

He looks out the window of his room, trying to distract himself from what he is about to do today. Memories of dancing flowers and transparent vorcelvar barely manage to amuse him. Preparations for Ilasta Anna are soon to start. 

He knows talk about his offering are going to be at an all time high today. Even as he had explained to everyone that it is nothing spectacular, they remain anticipatory. The children, and even a few of his peers, had badgered him to teach them about sairina and the lirina. He refused time and again, reiterating his promise to his teachers that he would never pass the knowledge on.

Condo came to his rescue whenever she could. He had shared with her the cruelty that comes as a price to it and she agreed it is wise to keep it from everyone. And if it were not Condo, then his parents and his friends were by his side to whisk him away. Right now, a part of him wishes he could be whisked away from his duty. 

He pushes the thought away. This is not how he should be thinking. He gets out of his bed with a renewed determination and changes his clothes. When Panta lets out a broken coo, his strength falls and his demeanor screams of acquiescence.

"I know, Panta. It will be a dreadful day today." He fiddles with his tóvacco. "I do not think I am prepared to do it again. But I must. I am sorry. Maybe you should stay here, instead."

He gets his answer in the form of Panta perching resolutely on his shoulder. He lets his cheeks rest against its warm body. His own temperature was never able to go back to its usual warmth. Málantë guessed that his constant interaction with Helcaran must be affecting it. He's surrendered himself to it and simply drinks the entulë he's handed whenever he gets too cold. Panta nudging its head against his spurs him into movement. He exits his room to eat breakfast. His parents take in his appearance and act accordingly, making it a point to try to soothe his worries.

"You are doing this to serve Helcaran and that is greater and more admirable than anything else." He clings onto Seokju's words throughout the day.

When the afternoon comes and preparations for tonight are almost done, he goes back again to Calataurë. Panta sings right by his ear. It's a solemn tune, low in its notes and slow in its pace. The trees' branches seem to stretch like a barrier. When he blinks, the sight before him returns to normal. He clutches the small empty pouch at his waist. Soon it won't be empty. He takes deep breaths in sync with his footsteps. Calataurë feels mostly resigned today with an undertone of grief.

It takes less time for him to gather his wits when he's strolling through the forest. There are only a few instances he passes off the chance to take due to his lingering reluctance. By the 6th vorcelva he forgoes, he manages to square his shoulders and straighten his back. He walks ahead in resolution and readies his quinga piliniyë. He wounds a rápolca's hind legs much like he did preivously with the tarucca. He is quick to traverse the distance between them and take its head on his lap, not minding the large tusks jutting out of its mouth and pressing painfully against his leg.

"Avatyara nillo nwalmalya." He once again apologizes. The rápolca grunts in reply, kicking its feet as if to get away. His heart drops at the sight of the vorcelva fighting for its life. His hand moves to caress its head in what he wishes is a soothing manner. Panta's coo seems to do the trick and the rápolca stills. He's grateful to have Panta with him and yet still so remorseful towards the rápolca. "Avatyara nillo nwalmalya."

Panta flies away from him when he places his hand on the rápolca's chest. His cua lands on the other vorcelva's body before singing that same sorrowful tune from before. He mutters, 'Anta nin hónlya' before plunging his hand and taking the heart. When he pulls his trembling hand back, he doesn't waste time in placing the heart inside his pouch. Both of his hands caress the rápolca's head right after as it takes its last breaths. It stares up into his teary eyes with sadness before nuzzling the palm of his right hand—the one that took its heart—and closing its eyes.

His tears fall onto its tusks and cheeks. Panta walks to his hand as it sings and nudges its head against it as well. He wipes his cheeks and rubs his eyes in an effort to calm himself. The rápolca's body is weighty against his back but he bears with it. The dirge starts slowly this time and it remains a soft tune. He almost weeps again because somehow the music is more painful to listen to. Panta is silent above him. It isn't any easier at all the second time around. He needs another bag of nísimaúr.

Not even Helcaran's proud smile later that night alleviates the dull ache deep in his heart.

 

Mornings no longer seem to be as enjoyable as they used to be to Kyungsoo. He could remember feeling happy each time he woke up to see a new day unfold before his eyes. Now, that happiness has dampened and wilted to something bleak. The ache in his heart is always pounding at the back of his mind, stronger in the mornings when the nísimaúr have all burned and the murmëa—the envinyatala to help him sleep—has lost its effects. He would stare at the ceiling of his room for a while, thinking of nothing, until the soft knocks of his mother rouses him.

Eight. His hand has taken eight hearts now. He raises it to eye level. The paleness of his skin against the grey stone ceiling no longer surprises him. It's become normal along with his cold temperature. Helcaran assures him that these changes will not harm him—that Helcaran will not let him be harmed. He startles at the sudden weight Panta adds on his hand when it perches on it. Its eyes stare him down, head tilted to the side. An inquiring coo has him smiling a little.

"Are you ready to play with the children today?"

The trill that Panta replies with is one of assent that Kyungsoo has come to distinguish. And maybe a tinge of excitement. He slowly moves his hand to his lap as he sits up. "I am too. The children have been a bit restless, always asking me about you. It's been more than a year now that you came home with me and yet they are still quite taken with you."

Panta seems to respond to him in nonchalance to which he laughs at. "Silly, pretty cua."

He changes out of his sleeping attire before having breakfast with his parents. Moments with them and his friends never fail to get him in a good mood, enough to disregard the dourness latching onto him. They throw jests and make funny comments creating an atmosphere that brings meaning to the word 'home'. He's gotten into the habit of kissing his parents' cheeks before going out. The intimacy seems to ground him.

A child runs over to him before he could actually step foot at the irendë. One becomes many and it takes him a bit of effort to guide them back where they had been playing at. One of the younger children even stubbornly clings to his leg. He has to bend down and scoop him into his arms instead. That results to all of them wanting to be carried. The adults who are close by smile and laugh at the endearing scene.

"I cannot carry all of you. Please." He begs with an airy laugh. Panta dives in close to catch everyone's attention. It's effective and the children let up to follow Panta. His cua really knows how to save him in tough situations. When he gets to them, he puts down the boy in his arms. "Now, what would you all like to do today?"

"Play!"

"Story!"

Everyone speaks over each other until they fall quiet as they see Kyungsoo raising his hand. "Okay. How about a show of hands? Who wants to play?"

There is considerably less hands raised compared to when he asks for those who wish to listen to a story. With that, he asks for what they wish to listen to. Once again, voices pile atop each other. He mostly hears of magical creatures and adventures with roqueni. He asks them to stay put with Panta while he goes to Tirmanwa to borrow a book just to their liking. It doesn't take him long at all because Tirmanwa already has a shelf of books ready to be borrowed for the children. He comes back to laughter and squeals.

"What is this? Is everyone having fun without me?" He feigns a hurt expression that makes the children flock immediately to him. They all try to hug him and kiss him. "Okay, okay. I get it. I am no longer sad."

"You still look sad though, háno." A girl pats his cheek lightly. Her palm moves to cover his eye. "Your eyes are sad."

He often forgets how perceptive and empathic children are. It brings out of him the desire to be smothered by their hugs and kisses again. When they do, it feels, to him, as if he's bathed in their innocence. The townsfolk often tell him how innocent he looks or how innocent he is. He could not help but disagree. Innocence is for the children who have yet to know and understand his troubles. For one such as he could only be regarded as a troubled individual no matter if, to people, he shines as brightly as he used to.

He feels his brilliance becoming shrouded as time passes on.

 

Today marks the 12th. His hands no longer tremble and neither do his legs. The footsteps he takes are sure and determined. They dig deep into the snow. His friends have all stared after him in concern. Since the celebration of his birthday two months ago, they became even more apprehensive, less teasing, and more clinging. There is no doubt in his mind that it had been because of his second breakdown.

That day, he spent all morning and afternoon with Helcaran. He was shown spectacle after spectacle of ice and snow wonders. And on moments of silence, Helcaran would hold onto his hand. Between all the conversations they have had and all the interactions, he realized how he likes Helcaran, different from the feeling of reverence and amazement. It had been the first time he held Helcaran's hand back. The other's delighted smile was the most beautiful thing he had laid his eyes on and it left his mind quite blank.

It had also been the reason why he only noticed he was being hugged when the cold was already seeping into his skin. His breath had hitched and his body turned rigid. But Helcaran didn't let him go and instead hugged him tighter.He shivered, reassuring himself repeatedly that it was okay. Moments later, he rests his forehead on a chilly shoulder. The coldness didn't matter because it was Helcaran holding him like he was precious. There was no greater gift he could be given. None at all.

His friends called him absolutely stupid when he gets back to town, extremely pale and shivering uncontrollably. His mind barely registered all their scolding and Baekhyun tending to him once again. He simply cracked a smile at them and whispered 'Helcaran hugged me.' They piled on top of him despite their earlier efforts to heal him. Their excitement died down when they remembered the price of intimacy. He was again called stupid. Lucky but stupid.

So they have been even more vigilant regarding his health. Always checking and double checking for the littlest sign of discomfort. The problem is that he is always plagued by discomfort, a niggling nuisance hanging onto him by the neck. The deaths have built a home at the back of his mind, free to come and go and mess with his thoughts. And so his friends have become a bit annoying with their constant enquiries. He appreciates them secretly.

He pulls himself back to his task at hand. Calataurë seems to be permanently gloomy now. The air in the forest is thick with a sense of tension and foreboding. He braves himself like always, biting his lip and taking deep breaths. By now, he is ready with his quinga piliniyë as soon as he passes by the first row of trunks. His eyes dart across the spaces between. The vorcelvar seem to have all hidden today. His lips frown as he feels the guilt starting to lurk around. He shakes his head before stepping further and further inside.

At a small clearing, a large tarucca stands in the middle. His hands hesitate because it’s looking straight at him, almost as if it had been waiting. Panta coos from above him in the trees. The tarucca bows its head before lying down on its legs. He couldn't move for a long moment. He couldn't make sense of what is happening. The tarucca is surrendering itself to him as an offering. It's willing to take the pain. His eyesight blurs with tears and he puts away his quinga piliniyë as he walks closer in tentative steps.

He arrives to where the tarucca is waiting for him. His legs shakily bend down until he is kneeling right by its head. It doesn't even take a single breath for the tarucca to lay its head on his lap. He could not help but briefly admire the elegant swirls of its antlers. They're the mark of a leader, the protector of a group of taruccar. It must have taken the initiative to take the pain for its kin. He sobs as his fingers brush the smooth antlers tentatively. It makes a soft sound as it leans to his touch.

"You are very brave." The words leave him in a hoarse whisper. He leans down to kiss the end of its antler. "Avatyara nillo nwalmalya."

His right hand rests on its chest as his left continues to stroke its head. He chokes before saying 'Anta nin hónlya.' He tries his best to make it all quick, maybe make it easier for the tarucca. The heart is put inside the small pouch as Panta begins to sing again from somewhere in the trees. When he continues to pet the tarucca's head, he's surprised when it raises its head enough to distance it from his hand before licking his palm. He couldn't understand how it could lick the hand that killed it.

"Why?" There is nothing to stop his tears. It is all so strange and overwhelming. All he gets for an answer is another lick before it closes its eyes and its head falls heavily on his lap. He couldn't help but let himself embrace the dead tarucca no matter how the antlers dig into him. He hears rather than sees Panta swoop down to nuzzle his cheek.

It takes a long while before he gets up and makes his way back to town with the tarucca on his back. The dirge accompanies him every step of the way and well into the town. He doesn't speak to anyone at all as he makes preparations. His friends respect his silence but stay close. They even make sure to stand near him in the procession. But he pays no heed to anything except the beating heart on the platter in his hands. He watches it expand and contract but the images in his mind are of the tarucca bowing to him, of the tarucca surrendering, of the tarucca licking his hand.

The time eventually comes for him to present his offering to Helcaran. He kneels, keeping his head bowed. The platter is taken from him with a 'You did well.' He clears his throat to say a thank you before making his way back to his friends. He gives them a small smile that must have looked like a grimace because they all sigh and pull him into a hug. Once again, they tell him how silly he is. He retorts weakly but returns their embrace. It helps him get back on track and to be well enough to join in the festivities.

Everything comes to a standstill when Helcaran calls all of their attention. Even while seated, Helcaran's presence is overwhelming and commanding. So much that, like all the townsfolk, Calataurë is silent. A bit eerily so. Kyungsoo feels short of breath at the silence. The last time this happened, he had fallen into an illness of the mind and heart. He wishes for it not to happen again. Yet the words that come out of those pale lips are those that he could have never imagined. No one could have.

"From now on, you will offer me a human heart."

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)   



	6. Runya Enquë

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

Sleep had not been kind to Kyungsoo. And maybe to anyone at all. The sky outside his window is a dark, dark grey. The snow falls in torrents of blinding white. Panta is still singing beside his head from the moment he had jolted out of slumber. 

He knows that the song is meant to allay his heart. Despite this, he could feel the hollowness spreading. The sting of tears that accompany this feeling is no longer foreign. Each month, on a particular day, his eyes would shed the embodiment of his troubles as his hand is surrounded in warmth.

He could not make heads or tails of the situation they are all in now. When he wanted to voice out his confusion to Helcaran last night, he could not find his voice. As he had awaited in distress for Helcaran to look at him, mortification snatched away his mind. The moment Helcaran's eyes found his was the moment his feet began to move closer. But he received a shake of the head and a smile that seemed to tell him that he must understand. 

What was there for him to understand other than he was to kill another person?

"It is hard to understand the reason, I know. But it must be done." Helcaran had paused to sweep his eyes across the crowd before speaking again. "I came down here in order to bring back balance in this land. To do that, sacrifices must be made."

Sacrifices must be made. The line whispers in his mind endlessly. He could remember Condo's bravery, kneeling in front of Helcaran and speaking for all of them, 'We are your humble servants.' They are. Above everything else that defines their existence, they are servants of the Varya. If not for the Varya, they would not be.

He inhales deeply, the fading scent of the nísimaúr filling his mind. His thoughts slow down from their chaos. The dark that greets him when he closes his eyes is nowhere near frightening as the inevitability of the future. And yet in this darkness springs the images and memories that are more vivid than the experiences themselves. Even more vivid comes the possibilities. They all live in blinding colors that capture all your attention.

Panta nestling on his chest distorts the sight and he opens his eyes to the view of his grey ceiling. He stares for a while like always, but with no intention to move this time. He could not make the effort. His body refuses to move, not a single twitch of a finger or a toe. If he were to not move at all, maybe then what must happen will not happen. He doesn't really believe in the thought. It is a desperate man's impossible wish.

The knock on his door happens eventually. His mother's ashen face is a sight he had never wanted to see. Between the hours of night and morning, her body seems to have thinned considerably. She approaches him tentatively, in frightened steps. It pains him for her to act in such a way. He lets the tears fall down onto his pillow. He lets her drag him up to an embrace. And he clings to her like he once did when he was a child, scared and small.

"I do not know how to make things better for you, hinya. And it torments me. I am your mother and I am powerless to protect you even after all that I have done to be strong for you." Her stammered words accompanied by her tears makes his own eyes water even more. They both tremble at the weight of their emotions. In the throes of reality, they bend.

Almost without their notice, Seokju comes inside as well. But they both open their arms for him and they all hold onto each other. More than any other instance in his life, Kyungsoo could feel his helplessness and the slippery comfort of his parents' embrace. He becomes well-aware of the limits of his parents capabilities that he had never acknowledged in favor of believing they have the potential to do absolutely anything. Because he had loved them and looked up to them in that skewed manner despite his efforts to become independent of their help.

"I wish you could teach us your abilities so we may take the burden from you,” his father says, later mirrored by his friends during their visit in the afternoon.

It escapes him how they could find the strength to visit him, how they do not fear him. Rather, they embrace him tightly much like his parents had done. They stay in the awkward but warm embrace for a long time. Baekhyun is the first one to untangle from the mess of limbs, throwing laiqui into the fire. With a sad gaze to him, Baekhyun speaks, "I am not sure if it can help you. I know there is a high possibility that no envinyatala or nísimaúr or anything else I can concoct could release you from your troubles. But it is about all I can do."

"Thank you," he reaches out his hand to pull Baekhyun back into the embrace. He continues to whisper his thanks to his friends even as their grips almost suffocate him.

"Everyone is scared." Jongdae eases out of the hug just enough to breathe and everyone follows suit. But they all make sure to stay close. "No one is outside except for the cundor on duty."

"They are scared of me." Kyungsoo looks down on his lap. The small amount of food he had consumed rising into his throat. Hands tighten their grips on him.

Chanyeol's voice resounds in the silence of his room. "Never, Kyungsoo. Everyone loves you. They are scared for you."

"How are you to know that?" He couldn't believe the words of his friends. Surely, everyone is scared of his ability now. For their lives to be taken away from them prematurely is frightening. "I am sure none of them want to die next month."

"You do not know that, Kyungsoo. There is a chance some will be willing to." Jongdae admonishes him. Although his friend seems as unconvinced as he is with the possibility. "Especially those who are already near death."

He turns to look at Jongdae in horror. "If you knew-if you saw-you-there is no way. No one will be willing to not even those already at their death beds."

"We do know, Kyungsoo. You have told us what happens. We have not seen it with our own eyes but we can certainly imagine." He looks to see Baekhyun frowning at him. "And even now I do not understand why you refuse to let me do it for you."

Taking Baekhyun's hands in his own, he stares at them. He caresses the slightly callous fingertips and palms. "These hands must only heal. They must never know of death. I wish for them to remain beautiful as they are."

 

"But then you will be alone like you have been for the past year." Chanyeol reasons from beside him. He smiles.

"I have never been alone. I had all of you, my parents, and Panta." He squeezes Baekhyun's hands tightly before they move out of his hold to cover his own. "You have never left me."

Baekhyun kneels down in front of him until he could no longer avoid looking at his friend. "But what about these hands? Are they not beautiful still? I think they are the most beautiful of all."

"I think you should give Baekhyun a chance to learn, Kyungsoo." Jongdae places an arm around his waist. "What is there to lose?"

He answers seriously. "His innocence."

But that is met with a short bark of laughter from Chanyeol. "Baekhyun is certainly not innocent."

His hands are released from Baekhyun's hold when the other lunges at Chanyeol and effectively smacks the laughter out of the loud mouth. "We are trying to be serious here, you idiot. You should just keep your lips sealed and let me and Jongdae do the talking."

"You always take all the burdens on your own. Sometimes it seems as if we are incompetent at aiding you." Jongdae's head rests on his shoulder and the words are whispered in his ear. He lets Jongdae pull him into an embrace again. "We are not children you need to protect, Kyungsoo. We are older than you, you know."

He couldn't muster a retort and keeps silent as they continue to persuade him. The thing is that all their attempts ultimately make him even more steadfast to carry this out on his own. They do not shake his resolve. They build it. In his eyes, he could see their smiles. To preserve those as they were gives him purpose and reason to be brave.

If sacrifices must be made, then this is his sacrifice.

 

The following day finds Lossëirin digging away through the snow that piled up from yesterday. People dump pitchers of snow into large barrows. All that they accumulate is wheeled to the outskirts of town. Anar reveals herself from the grey clouds and the day sees more of the blue sky. Her light and warmth help in melting the snow to give way to the people walking and working. 

Kyungsoo watches all this from the confines of his home. He isn't ready to go out and face the town.

But there are other plans for him. Condo calls for everyone to assemble at the irendë after lunch has been eaten. His palms become clammy as he changes out of his sleepwear. When he comes out of his room, his parents are waiting for him in their seats. He could see their fingers drumming at their knees and showing just how nervous they are over this assembly. Their eyes as they look at him convey that worry more than any action of theirs could. He walks to them, a bundle of horrified nerves.

The likelihood of Condo having come to a decision for what they all must do is high. Even before she became their leader, she has already proven to be quick in choosing the right path for everyone. While that might be a cause for doubt in other towns like they've heard, they have never been led astray by her. She was—is—always able to assess the situation in ways that only they could wish they do, that she tried to teach him when he had been under her tutelage. 

He's still working on that, doubtful he could follow in her footsteps like she thinks he can. Becoming the next Condo is still something he thinks should be for someone else. Especially now with all that is happening.

"Come, Kyungsoo. We must hasten." Seokju places a hand on his shoulder as they stand in front of the door leading outside. "I do not doubt that Condo will talk about you as well."

He lets out a shaky sigh, stepping out of the solace provided by his home. "That is exactly what I fear, father..."

Misun stays close to him and holds his hand. She squeezes it in a reassuring gesture. "We will be here with you, hinya. Whatever may happen, we will always be with you."

He presses himself closer to her, uncaring if he is taller than her or if it makes walking a little more difficult. The comfort he feels from their proximity is invaluable. He gives small smiles to people who greet them on the way to the irendë. They all have uneasy smiles of their own. He knows his look just like theirs—strained, wanting to be genuine. They arrive soon and a lot of people are already there sitting. Listless chatter fills the air. His friends wave at him when he spots each one of them with their families. He waves back.

Condo catches his eyes and motions for him to sit beside her. Though it looks like he's the only one being called there, he holds steadfast to his parents and lead them there as well. He doesn't hide behind any lies to explain his behavior. He accepts his fears and the fact that he needs his parents. He needs the comfort of their presence.

"Kyungsoo," Condo acknowledges him once he arrives at her side. She looks gaunt, lacking sleep and food. It's then he realizes how much more harrowing her situation is compared to his. She has to make the decision of who is to die. And then his heart goes out to her. His admiration increases as he sees her bearing herself like usual, shoulders pulled back and head held high. She nods to his parents. "Misun, Seokju."

"Condo," they all address her at the same time, nodding as well. His parents take their seats while he remains standing. Condo sighs and looks up at him with a grim expression.

"It must be done."

The strength slowly leaving his knees aid him in sitting down. There is no escaping this, he thinks. He reprimands himself as soon as the thought emerges. This is their duty to Helcaran and to their land. Sacrifices must be made. He should not be thinking in such a manner at all. He follows Condo's suit and straightens his back. His head, however, tilts slightly downward and his eyes flicker to and fro.

Once everyone is accounted for, Condo stands up. Before even calling for attention, all heads already turn toward her. It's a bit eerie for him to see the same expression on each face—that horrified bu resigned eagerness. Or maybe it isn't that it's on every face but the expression itself that is disconcerting like a horrid mix of emotions that shouldn't be. His thoughts get cut by Condo's voice, loud and clear in the silence, "Meldërnya."

There is no need to pause but she still does. He thinks it might be because the next words are too grave. Or it might be her gathering the courage to say them. But when she starts to speak again, she does not pause or stutter. It is that sureness in her voice and that firm conviction in her words which stir people to listen raptly and to follow her.

"As you all know, Helcaran needs a heart—a human heart. But even more than that, the human heart must be taken by Kyungsoo through the means of sairina. I will not fool you into thinking that it is any easier that way or any less painful. It is not. And I understand how scary this all is. I am scared myself. However, we must rise above our fears and fulfill our duties to our god. You may not be aware of this but there was once a time during the creation of this land when human sacrifices were made in order for life to continue. The time has come again to partake in it."

He watches as Condo's eyes sweep over the crowd as if speaking intimately to each person. "We have been chosen by Helcaran to aid in the grand scheme of life. But make no mistake. I will not be letting the younger ones to volunteer for this. You need not be reckless with the life you hold as your own. This town needs you. In order to fulfill our duty without compromising the future of this town, I have decided that the elders closest to their 60th birthday are the ones who may volunteer and the ones I will choose from should there be no volunteers. I would be the first myself if I had a competent successor. As it is, no one is ready yet."

Somehow, he knows Condo is speaking mostly of him when she talks about 'no one'. It isn't a secret she does favor him to succeed her when the time comes even if she is training other roilië as well. His eyes shift from her to the ground. By then, the murmurs begin. She lets it take place until her words once again hush everyone.

"There is a little less than a month until the next Ilasta Anna. Those who wish to volunteer, come and talk to me at any time you wish. No rush is needed in deciding. A day before the Ilasta Anna is when we shall gather once more to discuss this. That is all. Mára aure, meldërnya."

There is a hesitant pause before the crowd disperses and along with it comes louder whispers and chatter. He and his parents stand and start to head over to their house. Condo places a hand on his shoulder as he turns to his parents. He looks over his shoulder to her in inquiry. "Yes, Condo?"

"I wish for you to talk to me, Kyungsoo. You are a great part of this and I know what all of this has done to you—what this will do to you." Her eyes are kind as they have always been when she spoke to him of difficult things, of things that take a lot for him to say. "We cannot avoid this discussion. Your parents are free to come with us though."

When he jerks his head back to his parents, they are already looking at him with a determination that tells him they will be there. He turns around and nods his assent. Condo leads them to her home. When they are sitting down in the receiving room, he begins to recount the burden the offerings place upon him.

"My nights are restless. My days even more so. The images remain etched in my mind. But I would rather be plagued by them than to forget those vorcelvar altogether. Especially the tarucca leader. It had bowed to me, Condo. It knew. And it wanted to protect its family..."

She gives him a cup of tea just in time. He could feel a shortness of breath before he takes a sip. It calms him down some and tastes a bit like the one Málantë would sometimes offer him. It must be mixed with an envinyatala. He feels grateful at the forethought Condo had to have this tea ready for him.

"I know you understand why all this must happen." Her posture remains proper but her voice hints at a small doubt. He doesn't begrudge her that. From the way he speaks—and even from the way he thinks—people will surely misunderstand that he is resentful.

"I do, Condo. This is my sacrifice. I bear the burden of remembering all the lives I have taken in the name of Helcaran." He takes another sip and one more until he is halfway through the cup. "The task is mine alone. No one should go through what I do. And I have sworn to never teach it to anyone else."

Her frown is one of honest worry, he could tell. "But do you understand the repercussions of what is being asked of you now?"

He could feel his parents' eyes on him but he refuses to look back. His gaze remains on Condo as she tries to read him. He knows what she's secretly asking him—what she's trying to find out. He gulps down the rest of his tea. "I understand. I cannot promise that I will be fine afterward. I can only promise to do my duty when I must and to strive to be fine so that the people will not grow scared."

That is all he can give. He knows with every inch of his body that next month, a part of him will die with whoever he must take a heart from. While killing those vorcelvar took a part of him as well, there is a voice in his head telling him that those will be inconsequential compared to taking a human heart. He will not try to convince himself otherwise. The only solution he can think of is asking Málantë for help.

"I truly wish you could consider becoming my successor." Condo leans a bit back on her chair. "You have the potential. You already know to bear the burden for this town because of your love for all the people here. And everyone loves you back. They will follow you."

"I am sorry, Condo. I do not wish to be followed. I know my limits." He offers her an apologetic smile. "There are better choices."

"Condo, while I also believe that Kyungsoo would make a great leader, as his mother, I must protect my child. Right now, please do not talk of such things. He already has enough troubles." His mother isn't smiling when he looks at her.

He sees Condo nod from the corner of his eyes before she replies, "Yes. Forgive me, Misun. Please believe me when I say that it is not my intention to add to his troubles."

"We believe you, Condo. But we also know that before Kyungsoo, you have the town's best interest at heart. And the town's best interest is detrimental to Kyungsoo's health." His father interjects, sitting close to the edge of his seat. "Forgive us if we take Kyungsoo home now."

"I will not begrudge you of your decision, Seokju." With that, Condo stands up to lead them out into town, his parents going before him. He nods to her one last time and receives a nod back. "I do honestly wish you are not troubled like this, Ancalima. Your bright smiles have always been a treasure of this town."

The comment takes him slightly aback, not having anticipated it. His smile comes out awkward and sad. "They are not but I also wish the same thing, Condo. We both know, however, that we do not always get what we wish for."

"Indeed, Ancalima."

With that, he makes his exit and follows his parents back home.

 

The proceeding days and weeks prove to be quite stressful to Kyungsoo. It seems that all the townsfolk want to talk about is the sacrifice. Not a day passes when he doesn't get questioned just how painful it is for a heart to be taken. He knows they mean well but there were a lot of times his friends had to take him away before he explodes. His patience isn't long enough and it wore extremely thin being bothered like that regarding such a topic.

To top it all off, each time he hears an elder volunteer, his stomach becomes queasy almost to the point of vomiting. In his mind, he wants to convince them to back out, to live their days until they're 60. But he refrains from acting out those thoughts. Instead, he goes to Málantë and Baekhyun. Both are already well-accustomed to his increasingly frequent and random visits. There is now always a pot of tea ready to be warmed and clumps of nísimaúr ready to be burned. He would even go home with a bag of the latter for his room. At the end of the day, Panta would sing him to sleep, a mellow and comforting tune.

Yet, all the comforts he could take hold no candle to the trepidation that bides its time in his mind. He smiled and laughed. He played and teased. He hunted and sang. He does all he could to feel like the old days again along with visiting Helcaran. And it pains him to think of his self last year as already someone of a distant past. If his parents had been disconcerted about him maturing too quickly for their liking, this is a worse affair. To feel so worn down and grey in the span of a year is somewhat surreal and a dreadful kind of odd.

It gets even more bleak as the day before Ilasta Anna arrives. The town is gathered once again at the irendë. He arrives with Panta nestled in his arms. His cua hasn't left his side once for the past few days. He strokes its body as an attempt to calm down and reign his thoughts in. His parents remain at his side as they sit down next to Baekhyun's family. Jongdae's and Chanyeol's families are nearby as well. He waves at his friends who return the gesture with an almost funny expression. It seems they didn't quite know whether to smile in reassurance or frown in worry. He would have laughed if the situation was different.

"Meldërnya," Condo calls for everyone's attention as she stands from her seat. He couldn't imagine still looking unshaken from all of this as she does. "After much talk and deliberation, I have chosen who shall become our honorable sacrifice."

The complete silence is abrupt. It makes Panta alert and wary. He tries to soothe her back to sleep but she gently nips at his fingers and persistently remains awake, eyes seeming to take everything in. He doesn't wonder long if she understands the situation right now. Instead, he focuses back on Condo.

"Hwayoung heri, please come forward."

As Condo's words ring in his mind, he finds himself unable to breathe. Panta perches on his shoulder as strength leaves his arms and his entire body. Of all people, the one to be chosen is Hwayoung, the sweet old mámandil who often looked after him as a child. He doesn't care if everyone could see his tears and hear him sob. The unbelievable weight of devastation crushes him down. Through his blurry vision, he could only make out the faint outline of the elderly lady standing beside Condo. And it's as if someone is burning and slicing his heart.

"Kyungsoo."

He could hear the people around him calling his name but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge them. There are hands moving him until he could feel himself against someone's back and they stand up, effectively carrying him. He grips onto them tightly, sobbing and burrowing his face. He could faintly make out Baekhyun reprimanding Chanyeol to be careful with him and hands running up and down his back. He's eventually let down onto something soft and he realizes it to be his bed. He shakes his head at the worried expressions surrounding him before closing his eyes and willing himself to be swallowed by the ground.

Tomorrow, he hopes tomorrow will not come.

 

Morning comes no matter how much he wished for it not to. He lies on his bed, unmoving, even when his parents come in. Maybe then things would not have to go as they will. But that is wishful thinking. His eyes are the only indicator that he noticed them. _’Kyungsoo,'_ they whisper. He blinks to silently tell them he had heard their call. They sigh, Seokju's arm around Misun's waist. His mother leans back against his father.

"We know that you will go through with this no matter what, that this must happen. I have said this so many times and I will say it until my voice turns hoarse, we are here for you. It is okay to cry to us and turn to us for comfort." His father looks defeated in his eyes at that moment. Or it must be him who feels defeated.

His mother holds his cheek gently in the palm of her hand. "I am so thankful you have done that these days. You are so strong, hinya. But even the strong need rest and shelter. _We_ are your rest and shelter."

He nods in reply and mouths 'Thank you'. Silence brushes against his eyes and closes them until he feels himself embraced by sleep. When he opens his eyes again, his parents are no longer in the room, the fragrance of the burning nísimaúr permeating all over the room. He spends his time staring at the ceiling and listening to Panta coo and sing as he tries to convince himself he has the strength and the bravery to do the task set for him. Hunger is forgone until his parents knock on his door again to offer lunch. He finally gets out of bed.

The meal is a quiet affair that he didn't particularly mind though he felt a hint of guilt in making this awkward for his parents. Luckily enough, they seem to understand that he couldn't bring himself to use his voice - the simple act becoming arduous. And they let him go back to his room without holding him back. He lies down on his bed haphazardly not even bothering to get under the warm blanket and instead spreading his limbs out before curling on his side like an infant. Invisible words and images are traced on the surface of the blanket with his finger. The slightly repetitive movement pulls him in and out of a shallow slumber.

The next time he's fully awake is when his friends barge into his room. They all jump onto the bed and surround him, limbs pinning him down. He's quite sure they look very ridiculous at the moment with Baekhyun cradling his head, Jongdae huddling close to his side, and Chanyeol clutching his leg. They would have been wrestled off already but their whispering of "Are you okay, Kyungsoo?' and 'Will you be okay?' endear them to him. He wills himself to hum in reply and it gets them to stop asking.

He clears his throat, "Will you be there?"

The replies com all at once. "Of course, we will." "If you want us to." "I have to carry you."

"Carry me?" His eyebrows knit together in confusion at Chanyeol's words. The latter rises enough to look him in the eye with a grin.

"For when you feel weak."

If he had been feeling better or if he were as how he used to be, then he would have taken offense at having to be carried and being described as weak. However, with the way he is now, he's grateful for the assurance. He's grateful to have his friends by his side.

Especially later on as he stands beside Hwayoung's bed. The elderly lady smiles encouragingly but that makes him even feel more ill. He sits down at the edge of the bed and holds her hand in both of his own. "Why, heri?"

"Because it is an honor, Ancalima. And I would have no one else take my heart except for you." She places her free hand on top of his own. "If yours is the last face I see, I would die even more happily if you smile. You are brightest and most beautiful when you smile, Ancalima."

"Heri..." He doesn't continue his protest when she gives him the look she always used when she wanted him to do something without question. He heaves a sigh, "I promise to try."

"Good. And sing for me during my Orosta, Ancalima." She squeezes his hands and smiles when she sees him nod. "It has been my greatest pleasure to have seen you grow into a fine young man. Now do this old lady a favor and help her to help you fulfill your duty."

She lets go of his hands and, for a moment, he thinks he could bolt out of the room and to his parents and his friends who are waiting outside. But he doesn't. He doesn't call for them to come inside either. It is just him, Hwayoung, and Panta. No one else should witness this. He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes as he places his hand in the middle of her chest. "Avatyara nillo nwalmalya, heri."

"Nalyë úcarenca." When she tells him he is sinless, he sobs and lets the tears fall. She wipes them away from his cheeks gently. "Go on."

After several deep breaths, he gathers enough courage to go through with it. He whispers the lirina, 'Anta nin hónlya' and plunges his hand into her. It takes a mere moment before her heart is out in the open air and his whole body is trembling in trepidation. He doesn't even notice himself continually murmuring for her to forgive him or Panta lying beside Hwayoung and singing that sad tune. He startles at her hand touching his own and enclosing the beating heart.

"You...did well...Ancalima..." Her breathing is ragged and her words are strained. But she smiles. And it breaks his heart even more to see that. "Smile..."

There is no way he could truly smile at her, not the smile she wants. Because she wants for that guileless and happy smile he once had. And he couldn't inject that happiness into his strained smile. Despite this, she still seems happy with it and she closes her eyes whispering, "Thank you..."

Her hand falls and he chokes. The heart is placed on the awaiting platter. He throws himself to embrace her lifeless body right after. His tears soak the beautifully embroidered black tóvacco she had worn. His cries must have been growing loud because the door creaks open slowly. He doesn't turn around to see his parents and his friends come into the room, not even when their feet shuffle hesitantly. He simply continues in his weeping until he could no longer go on.

When he stops, he feels a hand tentatively press upon his back. With the greatest effort, he lets go of Hwayoung, facing everyone in the room. They all hold the same sadness as he does but he could see the pity in their eyes. He looks to his side to find it had been his mother who the hand belongs to. She opens her arms and he falls right back into her embrace.

"Kyungsoo," Jongdae calls out and he twists his head to look at his friend. "Maybe you should stay with Málantë tonight and we will bring the heart to Helcaran instead."

"No." He shakes his head, pulling away from his mother. "I must...I must be the one to carry heri's heart. Please."

And it is he who does, surrounded by his friends. His parents are even right in front of him instead of their usual place around the middle of the procession. They all act as his barrier from the curious stares and questions that got reinvigorated right after they came out of Hwayoung's house and walked to the irendë. They act as a precaution as well should his strength leave him. But he braves through the dirge of the vorcelvar.

It surprises him when they arrive at the clearing without his notice. The messy thoughts in his mind prove to make him unaware of everything but them. When he meets Helcaran's eyes, the other smiles so happily. It's then he feels some relief. He's doing something right, something good. He wills for himself to only think of Helcaran's smile and it helps him to walk the distance between them. He offers the heart as he usually does. But this time, Helcaran's hands hold onto his for a moment before relieving him of the platter.

The rest of the night goes by as Ilasta Anna usually does. He refrains from joining in the festivities and keeps to himself. Baekhyun stays by his side, informing him that he has envinyatala in the bag should he feel ill or anything at all. He squeezes Baekhyun's hand with a word of thanks. They sit back and watch everything, Jongdae and Chanyeol eventually joining them.

He notes a weird air among the townsfolk. There are hints of sadness that must be from Hwayoung's passing but then there are also significant amounts of excitement that he couldn't give a reason to. It might be his own grief that prevents him from seeing what it is that they should be so happy over. All the same, it makes him grieve even more, praying in his mind for Hwayoung.

When the celebration is over, everyone lines up for the walk back to town. Amidst walking closer to the edge of the clearing, he gets pulled away by Helcaran. The latter motions for his friends to go on and both of them are left alone. He stares in confusion, wondering what it is Helcaran wants from him and feeling a bit self-conscious now that he is too close. He wonders if his eyes look as swollen as they feel. Warmth colors his cheeks the longer Helcaran silently stares at him.

"Ninya Kyungsoo, you have made me very happy."

"It is nothing at all...Minseok." That is a lie but he couldn't find it in himself to make the other worry over his troubles. He bows his head down, torn between moving away and closing in. "I am simply fulfilling my duty to you and to this land."

"You have." Minseok holds his cheeks and firmly lifts his head. He startles at the sudden close proximity of their faces. "I am pleased."

Everything stops when Minseok's lips touch his own. He couldn't think, feel, or even breathe. The kiss is short but it takes away everything from him. Minseok is smiling at the end of it while he remains stunned and unable to do anything. The chill that spreads from his lips is ignored in favor of attempting to gather his thoughts. He fails miserably at that and his mouth only falls open.

"I will see you tomorrow, ninya Kyungsoo." He gets gently pushed away to go back to the others. He stumbles all over himself, shaky steps and bewildered thoughts. When he reaches the others, Baekhyun is quick to shove an envinyatala in his mouth, making him swallow the thick liquid.

"Ah, I knew this would happen." Baekhyun says with a sigh. "You look like you have been bathing in Issír for days."

"Oh," is all he could muster to reply.

In the end, Chanyeol has to carry him again and his friends couldn't get a single word out of him. It isn't because he wants to keep it a secret from them. But he couldn't find the words to say nor the courage to say them. They wouldn't leave him alone because of this silence and so he finds himself trapped in his own bed with three warm bodies cramped in. He closes his eyes and pretends to sleep even if his mind and heart are in disarray from all that has happened today.

To wallow in grief for taking Hwayoung's heart or to fluster over Helcaran's kiss, he couldn't handle either of it.

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)   



	7. Runya Otso

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

A somber mood falls on Lossëirin the following day as they prepare for Hwayoung's Orosta. They had went about their morning and noon a lot less festive than last night. Now, they are gathering woods from the trees and creating a bed to lay Hwayoung down on it for the burning. Some of the townsfolk are picking good leaves from the trees instead of the usual fallen leaves for fires. These ones, they believe, guide a soul to heaven with their silver embers that float up to the sky. The scene always evokes a numinous feeling from everyone who watches. They say it must be Nuru, the goddess of death, who comes in the form of the embers or her servants.

Kyungsoo requests to stay by Hwayoung's side while everyone else works on other things. Málantë and Baekhyun refuse to leave him alone and accompany him in his silence, offering tea every now and then. He drinks each one they put in his hand. When he's through, he would go back to holding Hwayoung's hand or to fixing her already neat appearance. He ignores the occasional sigh he gets from doing the latter. He knows it's Baekhyun and his friend is just worried. The other has said as much.

A knock comes upon the closed door as Anar begins to set. It's Condo who comes in and informs them that it is time. Three men walk in with a stretcher in their hands. Kyungsoo stands up to help them. Hwayoung's body is placed on it and carried by the three with Kyungsoo. Condo leads all of them outside where everyone is waiting, bowing their heads. There are sniffles and sobs that could be heard and a few whispered questions from children. Kyungsoo also bows his head slightly, wanting to look only at the ground but forcing himself to look a bit ahead to the arranged stack of woods.

Slowly, ever so slowly, a song begins. It gets louder as more people join in and as he comes nearer to where they are going to burn Hwayoung's body. He wills himself not to cry as his grief increases with the length of the song. The weight in his hand is heavy. His footsteps become a little unsure. He breathes out a sigh when they arrive and place the stretcher on top of the woods. He and the three other men move away and join the crowd. His friends immediately pull him towards them, handing him a silver leaf. The song comes to a hush when Condo stands next to the stack, near Hwayoung's head.

"Meldërnya," she begins. "Tonight we send a beloved friend to the heavens to join others who have passed before her and who are waiting for her there. I know that Helcaran has already sent her soul away but we do this to honor her. We do this to celebrate her sacrifice and, most of all, her life well lived."

With each word that Condo speaks, Kyungsoo's nails dig more into his palms. He takes steadying breaths as Jongdae's hand rubs up and down his back. The time is coming and he wonders honestly if he's ready. But whether or not he is, Condo is already calling for him.

"Upon her request, Kyungsoo will now sing for her."

His steps are visibly shakier than a while ago. He refuses his friends' assistance, however, and walks to where Condo stands. Her hand rests on his shoulder for a moment in an offer of support as he places the leaf in his hand on Hwayoung's forehead. He manages to give Condo a small smile before clearing his throat and straightening his back. His voice still cracks at the beginning but he continues on. He could imagine Hwayoung's encouraging smile whenever he sung to her as a child. He watches as each person places the leaf in their hand on top of Hwayoung while he sings.

Once everyone is done and the third song comes to an end, his eyes are stinging from the held back tears. He quickly makes his way back to his friends after one last goodbye to Hwayoung. Condo's next words escape him as he fixes all of his attention on the silver leaves that shimmer as Isil's light shines down upon them. And then they lit up in a brilliant flame. He catches a glimpse of Condo leaving a burning stick among the woods before his gaze returns to the silver fire that becomes accentuated by the rise of glowing embers.

His closed fists are pried open and held on tightly by Baekhyun and Jongdae while Chanyeol's hands squeeze his shoulders. They shift closer to him until they're pressed almost uncomfortably. He tries to grumble a little about it but they hush him. He feels a little happiness flit across his heart from his friends' gestures. He turns his attention back to the still growing flame. He thinks of how sad its beauty is. Those who have passed have always told him they were happy to die, that they were happy with their lives and that this is a celebration and not something to lament over. But it's still quite a sad affair to him.

He doesn't understand what is happy with farewells.

 

The next day, Kyungsoo decides he should stop moping in bed every time something happens. So he gets out of bed as soon as he wakes up. He changes his clothes and makes it in time to find his mother still preparing their breakfast. She turns around when his door closes shut. Her eyes widen and she stares at him for a while before smiling brightly. She looks genuinely happy despite the red-rimmed eyes most probably from crying over Hwayoung. He embraces her when she opens her arms for him.

"Hinya," she calls out to him softly. Her hands rub his back in the soothing manner only she knows how. "Mára aure. Breakfast will be ready soon."

"Mára aure, mother." Kyungsoo holds onto her tightly for a moment. He lets go eventually and walks to his chair. He sees the kettle on top of the fire and watches the flames lick up the metal. He turns back to his mother when she places his bowl in front of him. "Thank you."

"Your father should be out soon." She takes her seat once done with distributing the food. "What do you wish to do today?"

His answer borders on a whisper with a hint of uncertainty laced under determination. "I will hunt and visit Helcaran as I usually do."

"Will you not visit Málantë as well?" Her brows meet in worry.

"I will visit Málantë before Alta Ocombë." He concedes to her request and he is rewarded with a smile and an excited gleam to her eyes.

But the hopeful expression dims into worry once more. "Alta Ocombë? You will join us later? Are you sure?"

"I am, mother. And should I not feel well, I will ask Baekhyun and the others to accompany me." He reaches out to pat her hands and smile reassuringly at her. The truth is that he isn't quite sure if going to Alta Ocombë is a good idea. It might end up hurting him more. But he's willing to try. He wants to so his parents and his friends stop worrying about him.

From her expression, however, he isn't doing a good job at all. "You might want to postpone joining us until tomorrow. You still look so pale, hinya. Your lips are still a bit blue."

His fingers touch his lips as soon as he hears her words. Blue, he thinks. Baekhyun has already made him drink a lot of warming tea and even had him inhale those burning leaves from last time. And yet they are still blue. 

He excuses himself, returning to his room and immediately going to his desk. He picks up the forgotten mirror only to see his mother's words to be true. His lips aren't their usual pale red but an icy blue. And his skin is almost as pale as Helcaran's. He touches his reflection with shaky fingers and then his own skin.

Somehow, the rest of the morning passes him by without much of a thought aside from how different he looks now and the heavy feeling of guilt and sorrow still in his heart. He couldn't remember what he talked about with his parents nor how he had dragged a rápolca back to town. His mind only comes back to him when he's at the edge of the clearing and looking at Helcaran. And yet all his thoughts are jumbled and tied in knots. He doesn't quite know what to think or feel.

But the memory of those lips on his gives him more embarrassment than anything else. He had forgotten this trouble in the midst of grief. Now, he doesn't understand how he could have possibly forgotten such an event. To be kissed by Helcaran. How could one forget? All the questions and confusing thoughts come rushing back. Most of all, the massive why's.

He dithers in his spot, whether he could handle being with Helcaran. The immediate answer is no. That is quickly followed by must. Helcaran is expecting him to be there and to spend time together. He must not be deterred by the kiss. And if he wants answers, then he has to go there and gather the courage to ask. 

The notion makes him a little more than nervous and a tiny bit weary. His whole demeanor is characterized by this as he manages to drag himself to Helcaran, bow down in front of the other, and then sit down on the stone.

"Mára aure," Kyungsoo greets, ending it with a shaky, "Minseok."

"Mára aure, ninya Kyungsoo." Minseok greets back with a smile that turns into a concerned frown. "How do you feel? I know all of this is hard for you."

The worry Kyungsoo could hear in Minseok's voice seems to melt away most of his nervousness. The words bring back that mix of grief and guilt in him but somehow it feels mellowed down, no longer suffocating. Being in the presence of Minseok unimaginably brings him relief. It's like all he could truly grasp at the moment is Minseok. His lips relax into the barest hint of a smile. "It is. However, it is for the good of the land. It is for you. And I will do everything for you."

"I am happy to hear that." Minseok moves closer, taking a hold of Kyungsoo's hands. Kyungsoo notices Minseok's hands no longer feel terribly cold against his own. Before he could think any further on it, Minseok pulls his attention away. "I care about you the most, ninya Kyungsoo. And I do feel terrible you have to carry this burden."

"Please do not feel that way because of me." Kyungsoo feels distressed at the admission. A god must not be bothered by a single human's troubles. He is but one in many.

Minseok gives him a subdued smile. "I cannot help it if I do. I like you, ninya Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo is more than taken aback. Surely, Minseok means something else. His 'like' is that of a god to a favored human. It is not the like that stumbles, fall, and crashes nor the like that drifts, transforms, and emerges into love. Surely not. It is surely not the like that he has been feeling for quite some time now.

He's actually pretty close to blacking out. It's a queer feeling to have your mind so empty and full of thoughts all at once.

"Minseok?" Kyungsoo tries to follow the name up with a question but he doesn't know what to ask. Or if he even had the right to.

Minseok just smiles at him, undeterred. "Yes, ninya Kyungsoo?"

Where is Kyungsoo supposed to begin in his enquiries, he doesn't quite know. He doesn't even entertain the possibility that Minseok means what he himself feels—the beginnings of something supposedly magical. In the times he had mused upon his feelings, when he had been figuring out what the beating of his heart meant, he had come upon the realization of impossibility as well. The impossibility of reciprocation, he believes, is not a product of the mind and its conceived horrors but rather the reality of circumstances and instances that present themselves plainly for him to accept.

And he has truly accepted them. Yet, with just a few words, it all seems to waver before his eyes. The memory of the kiss makes it worse. "Like?"

"Yes. Like." Minseok reaches out a hand to touch Kyungsoo's cheek. "What is it you think I mean, ninya Kyungsoo?"

"I..." Kyungsoo's voice diminishes into a whisper, almost a soundless breath. He wonders how he should answer. Of course, truthfully. The truth is mortifying though. To tell the truth is to confess. To tell the truth is to bare himself—more than he already has. It strikes him as a bit odd how everything else in his life is easy to relay and yet this particular feeling has him hesitating. This fear, he supposes, might stem from the acquired knowledge that love is precious and must be shared with the right person.

He stares at Minseok, into those icy blue eyes. And it comes to him that Minseok deserves to be entrusted with his heart—to always be told the truth. The other has never hurt him. Minseok also probably already knows the answer. He's sure Minseok knows everything there is to know about each person on this land. He bows his head slightly, Minseok's fingers gliding across his skin as he does. The feeling causes him to shiver.

"Ninya Kyungsoo?" Minseok looks at Kyungsoo with a bit of worry.

Kyungsoo shakes his head in an attempt to say that he is fine. Minseok's hand is no longer cold to him. It had just been that peculiar feeling of being touched so gently by the person one likes. His eyes peeked to gauge Minseok's reaction. The other is waiting expectantly. He takes a breath, willing himself to be brave.

"Do you..." he starts, faltering a lot as he continues to speak, "do you mean like as that of… of lovers? That is to say...I mean, you… you kissed me. Does… does that mean anything, Minseok?"

The tense silence isn't an all new experience to Kyungsoo at all. Still, it's as terrifying as ever. Maybe even more now. He looks down at his hands that are beginning to tremble. Minseok must have noticed because soon there are hands holding onto his. He's too afraid to look up, unsure if he'll like what he'll see despite the tight squeezing of his hands. The choice is taken away from him when Minseok makes him look up with fingers on his chin. There's a smile waiting for him. It simultaneously eases and troubles his heart.

He bites his lip as Minseok continues to just smile at him. He remains silent in his wait for an answer, weary to preclude what the other might say. His eyes drift back down and it's then that Minseok does something. It isn't the words that he had been expecting however. His face gets pulled closer until their lips are touching, a gentle yet persistent press. Surprise only half-paralyzes him. The reality and sensation of being kissed takes away the rest of his mobility.

The kiss lasts longer than its brief predecessor. He's forced to close his eyes as his vision becomes crossed from staring into Minseok's eyes. In losing his sight, he becomes more attuned to the feeling of lips pressing closer to his. He could hear his heart drumming away in the fast beats of an unknown song. His fingers itch and twitch to do something. He lets them clench tightly onto his pants, Minseok's hand still on top of them. When he takes a breath, Minseok pulls away slightly. His exhale is shaky in its release, lips parting just a bit.

With another short-lived kiss, Minseok moves further away and Kyungsoo opens his eyes. "Does that answer your question, ninya Kyungsoo?"

Gathering his wits proves to be almost an impossible task for Kyungsoo. Three times Minseok has kissed him. Two in under a short period of time. And all because Minseok 'likes' him. Likes him in the way he likes Minseok. Liking each other in how his parents must have liked each other in the beginning of their relationship. This all seems to be like one of his dreams upon a restless night of questioning impossibilities and emotions. He's never felt this way towards anyone in his life. He almost forgets to answer in his confusion.

"Yes but—” Kyungsoo stops himself from speaking further, conflicted on whether he had the right to question Minseok's reasons. He furrows his brows, frowning. It makes Minseok raise eyebrows at him.

"But?" Minseok prods. "What is it you wish to say?"

Kyungsoo gripes inwardly, cursing on how hard it is to properly convey his thoughts and feelings without possibly offending Minseok. His eyes look down to his hands. "But...but why? Why do you like me of all people, Minseok?" He pauses for a bit. "Of all the Varya, of all the other heavenly beings, and of all the people of Hrívë, why me?"

Minseok smiles brightly. "Should there be a reason? I like you. Is that not all that matters?"

"You are Helcaran. I am just Kyungsoo." The reply comes out sorrowful in its tone. "I am undeserving of your feelings."

"We have talked about this, ninya Kyungsoo." Minseok's expression and tone are that of mild disappointment and reprimand. "I choose who I choose. That is you. You are… special."

"It is truly hard to believe your words, Minseok, no matter how delighted I am to even just hear them—may they be true or not." Kyungsoo wrings his hands together, twiddling his fingers. "I am no one special. I have blood on my hands. I am not worth any of what you give me."

"I say you are worth everything. I say you are special." Minseok pries Kyungsoo's hands apart and holds them tightly, one in each hand. "And I do not care for the blood on your hands. It is a sign of your bravery and devotion. You should be proud."

For a long time, Kyungsoo merely stares at their joined hands. He doesn't think he'll ever come up with a proper answer to that. At least, not one that Minseok would appreciate hearing. He could never be proud of what he had done and his being special is rather ill-famed. Despite whatever encouragements everyone seems to make a habit of giving, he will not be persuaded to think otherwise. Not when vivid memories of pained expressions flash right before his eyes.

In the end, he settles for a murmured thank you and a bid of farewell. He truly didn't expect Minseok to kiss him for the fourth time once he was done speaking. Maybe he should have. Then, he wouldn't look so dazed and affected. But he wouldn't kid anyone at all. No matter if he expected it or not, the result would have been the same—of him stumbling over his feet and barely managing to think, much less walk, straight. He somehow still manages to get to the edge of the clearing despite his current state of turmoil.

Turning around, he bows stiffly. The smile he receives brings him no relief, only reeling in more thoughts to add to the jumbled mess in his brain. Minseok looks sincere and maybe even hopeful if Kyungsoo were to stretch his imagination. While he knows and stands by his reason for not going along with Minseok's words, he questions himself, at the same time, why he couldn't simply accept them. He presumes anyone would have done the latter, maybe basking in the attention and trying to engrave in their minds the confession.

Later, when he recounts all that has happened between him and Minseok since Ilasta Anna to his friends, they stare disbelievingly at him for quite some time. Chanyeol even pinches everyone's arms to, as he says, 'make sure this is real'. Moving away from the headboard, Kyungsoo holds out his fist and retorts, "You think you are the only one who cannot seem to believe all of that occurred?"

"Well, not that I am saying you are a liar, Kyungsoo, but maybe inhaling those nísimaúr affected your mind more than we thought." Baekhyun lets out a strained chuckle when the fist is directed to him, leaning away from it and hiding a little behind Chanyeol. "Never mind. Málantë said nothing of that kind of side effect."

"It may not be so far-fetched considering Helcaran does favor Kyungsoo a lot. Not to mention, talks to him each day." Jongdae reaches out beside himself to push Kyungsoo's fist down until it rests on the bed. "You know, when we said you will probably find a romantic interest in someone from outside of the town, we did not mean a god. I was thinking more along the lines of a traveler."

Chanyeol props his elbow on his thigh and rests his chin on his palm. "It would be nice to have travelers visiting us again."

"It would be," Jongdae nods, face brightening. "But we should get to discussing Kyungsoo's situation."

Baekhyun leans against Chanyeol's side, chin on the other's shoulder. "I still cannot believe Helcaran likes you in such a way. And kissed you four times! This is like one of those old romance books."

In his excitement, Chanyeol bumps onto Baekhyun's head when he straightens up. They both groan in pain while Jongdae laughs and Kyungsoo shakes his head. When the two are done massaging their heads, Chanyeol grins widely at Kyungsoo. "You are like Olórëa in _Áva Hehtan_. Or Herenya in _Valdo Mardi_. They both had heavenly beings courting them. Although you have Helcaran. _Helcaran_."

"Do you seriously read those?" Jongdae laughs again, stopping only when Chanyeol kicks his leg.

"I reproduced them so yes, I have read them." Chanyeol holds his head high. Kyungsoo could almost imagine his friend sticking his tongue out childishly. But this isn't helping at all.

Kyungsoo leans back against the headboard in weariness. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I do not think any of our answers will help you." Baekhyun's voice is sullen and apologetic. "But what I do know that you have to do is to stop being so hard on yourself. If Helcaran sees something in you, sees you as a good person, then you should believe in that."

"It is easier said than done." Kyungsoo runs a hand through his hair, looking aggravated. "I am sorry that you have to keep repeating yourselves over this. But it is terribly hard to accomplish."

Jongdae holds Kyungsoo's hand and nudges his shoulder lightly against his friend's. "We know how stubborn you are so do not worry. We are prepared to say it until you feel better about yourself."

"Why not try to see where it goes just like in the stories? I mean, surely, Helcaran would not lie to you." Chanyeol's raised eyebrow and huge grin comes off a bit goading. Kyungsoo wants to roll his eyes but the last words ring in his mind. Yes, Minseok would not lie. He doubts any Varya or heavenly being would lie.

A long stretch of silence follows where Kyungsoo's friends watch him contemplate on his answer. Nothing like this has ever truly happened before. None that he knows of, at least. It would have been the talk of all the land should there have been any Varya to have liked a human in that way. He doesn't know where to draw good advice from aside from his parents, his friends, and a couple of old imaginary stories. And when it comes to him, his parents and his friends seem to have the same line of thought, always echoing each other's sentiments. In the end, he gets five people telling him to stop being so stubborn and being so hard on himself. He's trying.

"Okay. I will see what he wishes for me to do."

 

The following afternoon finds Kyungsoo lost once again in his thoughts as he weaves through the forest. Calataurë's atmosphere never changed its oppressive moroseness. Everything seems to be at a standstill even though life goes on. 

Some of the vorcelvar tend to watch him from afar with eyes that seem to hold things he could not understand. It is something more mellowed than the sorrow and resignation from before. Something akin to pity perhaps. He does not dwell on the subject too long, always veering his mind to Minseok or, most of the time, to his emotions.

Like always, he ends up in the clearing without being aware of the how. There's nothing that greets him except for Minseok and his gummy smile. Those are more than enough of a spectacle for Kyungsoo. 

He takes hesitant steps to the boy on the stone. When he arrives right in front of Minseok, he bows and greets the other as he usually does. This time, however, Minseok tilts his head up by the chin, smiling. Not a single thought manages to pass before he is kissed chastely.

"Mára aure, ninya Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo's lips almost feel numb from the coldness and yet, at the same time, they could still feel the lingering sensation of Minseok's lips against them. While his lips may feel like ice, the rest of his head feels so hot that he fears it might melt. 

Once again, he finds himself moving out of habit and sitting beside Minseok. His head is tilted down as his eyes peer up nervously. Minseok looks bemused—as he always looks when Kyungsoo is alone with him. Kyungsoo isn't quite sure if it's a good thing that Minseok looks at him that way or if it isn't. By now, he thinks he'll accept anything from Minseok as long as it is not anger or disappointment.

"You look troubled. Have I burdened you?" Minseok runs a hand through Kyungsoo's hair, fingertips digging softly against the scalp.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. The thought of Minseok giving him difficulties is ridiculous to him. It is by his own will that he is beset. People tend to problematize and to fret over things which should not be so difficult. He isn't an exception. "No. You have not burdened me."

Minseok looks at him intently, eyes boring into his own. "If you say so, ninya Kyungsoo. Then what is it that makes you look like so?"

"I..." Kyungsoo's eyes flicker to the side. He isn't ready to ask his question just yet. He thought maybe they would talk for a while more before he brings the subject up. Now, it's there, thrust practically to his face. But Minseok is worried. So he'll mend that and clear things up for both their sake. He looks at Minseok in the eye. "I was wondering-I mean I am quite honored-I… Minseok. How am I supposed to respond? What is it you wish for me to do?"

"Ninya Kyungsoo," Minseok laughs for a bit before looking at Kyungsoo with an expression of fondness. "What do I wish for you to do? Nothing that you do not already do. And as for your response, I was hoping you liked me as well."

Kungsoo's eyes widened, surprised to hear Minseok's words. "I do like you. Was there ever any doubt to that?"

"Worship and like are different things." The fond expression turns dejected. "I am unsure if your feelings fall short to my own. Because I like you very much, ninya Kyungsoo. I like being with you. You make me feel happy again."

Despite the warmth Kyungsoo could feel spreading across his face and neck, he remains steadfast. He wishes for Minseok to believe him as he believes in Minseok. His face and voice show off his determination. "I like you very much. I know not the depth of your feelings but I know my own. My heart has not felt like this for anyone but you. How can I not like, beyond feelings of awe and veneration, the one who makes my days joyful?"

Minseok's smile is blinding, wide and gummy. He takes Kyungsoo's hands into his own and gives them each a light kiss. "Is that so? I am very glad. Relieved, I must say, to have you feel the same."

The cold seeping into Kyungsoo's skin no longer bothers him. He can only think of how embarrassed he is to have confessed his feelings so openly and courageously like that. He didn't know where his bravado had come from but he does know that it has left me as suddenly as it came. He can no longer keep eye contact again and turn his line of sight to their joined hands. "I am glad as well."

"Will you kiss me, then? To truly prove to me your feelings." Minseok's voice comes out somewhat unsure and yet firm.

"What?" Kyungsoo is bewildered at the notion of initiating intimacy with Minseok. This is Minseok. This is Helcaran. How could he? Yet, if he doesn't, Minseok would be disappointed. Minseok would not believe him. He must have taken too long in his hesitance because the other moves away in downheartedness. "Wait."

Minseok looks a bit hopeful. "Yes?"

There's a pause where Kyungsoo bites his lip and wrings his hands, looking down. His body is all tense, from his rigid shoulders to his jittery feet. He takes a few deep breaths before turning his head up to be face-to-face with Minseok. 

He stops himself from shying away. To prove his feelings, he must do this. After another deep breath, he closes his eyes and leans closer until their lips are touching, just barely. He moves away when he thinks it has been long enough. Red paints his cheeks bright.

"I have kissed you." Kyungsoo whispers, to Minseok or to himself he is unsure.

"Yes. You did." Minseok speaking snaps Kyungsoo out of his daze. "And now I believe you. You like me."

Kyungsoo looks at Minseok. "I like you."

Minseok's laughter fills the air. He cups one of Kyungsoo's cheeks. "Maybe you should return to town for now. You seem like you need some time to think."

“I... okay."

With one last kiss from Minseok, Kyungsoo is on his way home once more, stumbling along the journey. He seems to get clumsy whenever Minseok is involved. And incoherent. His friends are surprisingly patient as he tries to calm himself and gather his thoughts. When they finally get the story out of him, he gets squished and piled on, shouted and squealed at. They talk and talk and talk while he keeps silent.

Baekhyun makes him drink envinyatala in the midst of the chatter. He thinks it isn't quite as effective in warming him up as the feelings Minseok evokes out of him. It's hard to fall asleep later that night as he lies on his bed even with Panta singing just above his head. He succeeds eventually despite numerous thoughts crowding his mind. One such thought both scares and fascinates him.

It seems as if he and Minseok are lovers.

 

The following day is filled with even more questions as he informs his parents of what has transpired yesterday. They seem torn between being skeptical of such a miracle happening and rejoicing that it has happened. That is not even mentioning their worry over their son's feelings—if he would be hurt in the end though they believe Helcaran would never hurt him. 

It's a complicated matter that Kyungsoo knows too well because he's had the same confusing thoughts. Eventually, he manages to convince them that, for now, it is a good thing, a happy thing. They send him away with fond smiles that afternoon. He guesses they're relieved to see him interested in someone like this even if that someone is Helcaran.

Time with Minseok passes by as always, only he sits closer now and Minseok holds his hand the entire time. There's also the occasional kiss on either his cheek or his hand. It doesn't feel too out of the ordinary and yet somehow, it manages to feel completely different and special. He supposes the mere knowledge that something has changed between them is enough to make even the littlest of things extraordinary. And he finds that so peculiar, how easy an idea or thought could influence him, or any other person for that matter. He conveys his thought to Minseok.

"Humans believe in whatever is easy and useful to them," comes the reply. It startles Kyungsoo how biting the words are and they hurt. He falters and curls away minutely from Minseok who notices his actions. Suddenly, there is a gentle smile on the other's face. "I am sorry if I seemed harsh. You must understand that I have seen all that there is to see in this world."

"Oh. Yes." Kyungsoo straightens his back, berating himself. Of course this land's creator must have seen the darker side of humanity and has been pained by it. He holds Minseok's hand reassuringly. "I am sorry for all the unpleasantness that you have had to witness. Please accept my apology in behalf of all the people of Hrívë. If there is anything I am able to do to soothe your heart, I shall do as you say."

Minseok brings Kyungsoo's hand to his lips, moving away with a bright grin. "You are truly kind. I have chosen well."

They share a kiss before Kyungsoo goes back to town. He feels like he's come to understand Minseok more. Behind the constant smiles given and the gentleness in gestures, there exists pain that Kyungsoo could only hope to comprehend. And he tries as hard as he could. Each moment they spend in the succeeding days becomes moments where he would memorize all of Minseok's words and gestures for him to ponder on later in the evening. The only conclusion he could come up with is that Minseok needs someone to be his companion, someone to remind him of pleasant things, and somehow Minseok has chosen him.

In the midst of sharing happy memories and stories to Minseok, Kyungsoo finds that he's inadvertently also keeping himself from being consumed by grief and tribulations. His thoughts are diverted from Hwayoung and killing to Minseok and blissfulness. He continues to pray for Hwayoung and to worry over the next person who must be sacrificed yet they seem to become little in comparison to the feelings Minseok evokes in him.

There is a lightness in his heart that he has not felt for a long while.

 

That lightness doesn't last long. 

It comes and it goes with every volunteer to be chosen. In the days leading up to the next sacrifice and in the days following right after, Kyungsoo could only feel burdened and wretched. Not even Minseok's kisses could waver his thoughts from sorrow. It holds him down by the throat, injecting itself permanently in his mind. The sensation in his hand feels heavier with each heart he holds. He feels as if there are scars and burns upon his palm when there is none.

Málantë tells him it is the guilt toying with his mind. As long as he could not bear to accept those deaths and forgive himself, then he would always feel phantom sensations. Despite all his prayers for Málantë to have a cure for it, there isn't. He's told that this is all up to him. Baekhyun makes an envinyatala, valdyul, to help anyway, something to evoke a happy feeling. But it comes with a warning. It is not to be used regularly lest he become dependent upon it. Both Málantë and Baekhyun warn that dependency on this kind of envinyatala is not good because it affects the mind and heart.

From then on, he is given valdyul whenever he can no longer take the darkness that crawls inside him. Coupled with the nísimaúr, it keeps him ashore. His parents become worried for his health despite all reassurances. And his friends have made it a point to have at least one of them be beside him in the night. All of this because Baekhyun had commented on how strong his feelings of distress must be if he needs valdyul. He had smacked Baekhyun's head then but bids them thanks at night as well as Panta.

The whole town remains oblivious to his downheartedness and continues with life. By the second and third sacrifice, it is as if all of this is normal to them, as if this has been happening for decades when it has only started 4 months ago. He realizes then that maybe Minseok is right. During one of their talks where Minseok actually voices an opinion, he'd been told, "Humans are pitiful with how fast they escape the darker side of life no matter the means."

He had countered back then, "Are not those who cannot escape the ones who are more pitiful?"

"You seem to be speaking about yourself," Minseok had eyed him knowingly before smiling. "That is not true, ninya Kyungsoo. I think those who cannot escape are stronger than those who do. They continue to live despite everything."

It was one of the times when Minseok's kiss was bitingly cold. Yet his insides still churned in heat. Thinking of Minseok's words back then and the situation now, Kyungsoo realizes he would never be able to understand the townsfolk. Not even his parents nor his friends seem affected aside from their concern over his well-being. Do they not find the sacrifices as consuming as he does? But then again, he is the only one who has to do it. And that probably makes all the difference.

At times, he finds solace in the eerie silence that has befallen Calataurë and in its dreary music when the cuar decide to sing. It seems to be the only one to truly reflect all that is going on inside him. It seems to understand his grief. His mornings in it become longer in spite of protests from his parents. Jongdae knocks him on the head each time but allows him his solitude with a weightless warning, "Come back here soon or I will have the whole roilië after you."

Somehow, he manages to live with his constantly changing emotions, from misery to elation, from guilt to like. He doesn't dare to ask Minseok when his duty will end. He still doesn't dare to ask a lot of things from Minseok. He only receives what he is given and gives what he can. He takes comfort in the kisses they share and the affection Minseok grants him. Their farewell kisses are now initiated by him after Minseok tells him how much the act means to the other. There is a slow and steady change in him he could not quite put a name to.

But he hopes it is a good change in the path to be a worthier companion for Minseok.

 

It's a few days after the fourth sacrifice when the town receives a letter from a messenger cua. He's finished with lunch and is about to head off to meet Minseok when Condo calls for him. He makes his way through the excited buzz of the townsfolk and to her house. He catches a few words from the chatter and becomes excited as well. Travelers are coming. It has been such a long time since the last ones have visited. While the town tends to be wary of those from the outside, it's always nice to have guests and listen to stories from all over the land.

"Kyungsoo!" Condo ushers him inside her house. "I am glad to have caught you before your meeting with Helcaran. I am sure you have heard the talk of the town."

Kyungsoo nods with a wide smile. "Yes. There will be travelers arriving soon."

"Indeed. Tomorrow morning actually since they are already in Lissirin. And that is the reason I have called for you." She looks seriously at him, a hand squeezing his shoulder. "I wish for you to do something."

"What is it, Condo?" Kyungsoo's smile fades at the solemn air. He's unsure of what she would ask of him and it scares him that it might be something that would be difficult, like his duty to take hearts.

Condo gives him a wry smile. "I will be asking this of everyone, of course, but especially you. I do not want these travelers to know of Helcaran's presence in the forest. We must protect him the best we can. You have to make sure of that and so I will be assigning you as their guide along with myself. We must make sure they steer clear from anything that would hint to Helcaran being here."

A relieved sigh escapes Kyungsoo's lips and his body becomes lax before straightening once again. He looks determinedly at Condo. This he can do and will do for Minseok's sake. "Yes, Condo. I will do my best."

"I know that it will be taking you away from Helcaran but you are the one I trust the most, Kyungsoo. Please send my deepest apologies to Helcaran." The hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder gives a light squeeze before falling back to Condo's side. She looks truly sorry and it is then Kyungsoo realizes that his time with Minseok will be cut off with this. It disheartens him for a moment but he shakes himself away from those thoughts. He must not be selfish. This is to protect Minseok.

Kyungsoo smiles in reassurance. "He will understand, Condo." There is a pause before he bids his farewell. "I must get going then. I have to inform him of the situation."

Condo nods and opens the door for him. He dodges the ever curious townsfolk trying to pry into what has been said between him and Condo. The latter's voice cuts through all other noise, exclaiming, "Meldërnya, let Kyungsoo pass and gather around the irendë. I have an announcement to make."

Along his journey, Kyungsoo's friends pop up and question him regarding the commotion. He quickly informs them a summary of what he is to do, "I have to be the guide for the travelers with Condo. They must not catch wind of Helcaran."

"I figured she would ask that of you. She tends to favor you." Jongdae pats Kyungsoo's back in what Kyungsoo perceives as pity. And then there's a wide grin on Jongdae's lips. "Do you think she would mind if I tag along?"

Chanyeol quips in excitedly, "Me too!"

Before Kyungsoo could answer, Baekhyun becomes cross at them. "What? Are you all leaving me alone? What great friends you are. You know I cannot let Málantë tend to the ill on his own anymore."

"That is too bad for you." Jongdae shrugs with a teasing grin, hiding behind Kyungsoo to avoid Baekhyun's punch. Chanyeol laughs while he holds Baekhyun back from hurting Jongdae. Even if Baekhyun could have been successful in escaping his human restraint, he lets himself be subdued. Jongdae peeks from Kyungsoo's shoulder, "It is not like you would notice our absence at all. You will be busy with Málantë. And we shall return before you know it."

"We shall spare you no details!" Chanyeol's exclamation makes everyone back away from him. Kyungsoo glares at Chanyeol and his friend laughs sheepishly. "Sorry."

Baekhyun throws his hands in seeming surrender. "You do not understand. The mere knowledge that you are going without me is enough to dampen my mood. Betrayers."

"You act as if this is such a big thing when it really is not. You will get to spend time with those travelers in the afternoon and evening." The roll of Kyungsoo's eyes is expected judging by the tone of his voice. He slowly slips from the somewhat circle he and his friends have formed while conversing. "I best be going."

"Oh yes. We would not want little Kyungsoo to be away from his god a moment longer." Baekhyun leers and the other two laugh obnoxiously, finding the jibe thoroughly amusing especially when Kyungsoo's cheeks are painted red.

Kyungsoo raises a fist and glares. "Shut your mouths before I do that for you."

"Whatever you say, Helcaran's favored human." Chanyeol remarks before running away. Baekhyun and Jongdae laugh and follow right after, shouting farewells as they go.

A foot stomps angrily on the ground. Kyungsoo seethes alone in his irritation but he assures himself that he will have his revenge when he gets back. In the meantime, he treks on the well-used path to the forest. Calataurë seems to be thrumming with anticipation. He couldn't quite say how he thinks so. There is just a feeling that the forest has come alive again. Maybe it's the increase in sounds as if it has awakened from slumber. No matter the reason, he feels glad that it is that way. It feeds his bubbling excitement.

"Mára aure, Minseok." There is no longer much hesitation in entering the clearing. Kyungsoo quickly sits down beside Minseok. His actions seem to have amused the other because soon there is laughter.

"You seem energetic. What has happened?" There comes the expected question.

Kyungsoo smiles widely and responds, "There are travelers coming tomorrow."

Minseok's eyes widen at the statement. Kyungsoo laughs lightly when he thinks Minseok is such a good actor, always amusing him with feigning surprise. "Is that so? Well, I hope you are careful, ninya Kyungsoo."

"I will be, Minseok." Kyungsoo holds Minseok's hand reassuringly before looking down and biting his lip. "There is something though."

Minseok squeezes Kyungsoo's hand in turn. "And what is that?"

"I have to be their guide so that I can make sure they do not discover you here. I know how much you like your privacy." Kyungsoo peers up nervously. "Condo would like to extend her sincerest apologies for taking me away from you for the duration of their stay."

"All is well, ninya Kyungsoo. I accept the apology and I wish you luck in your task." Minseok's hand pulls Kyungsoo's face up so that they are inches away. Kyungsoo doesn't expect for Minseok to kiss him passionately but it happens. He feel Minseok's icy breath in his mouth and a cold tongue pressing against his own. It leaves him physically numb and mentally bewildered. 

Minseok whispers against his lips, "Do what you must and in return, you are mine today until Anar sets."

He could only reply dazedly, "I am yours, Minseok."

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)   



	8. Runya Toldo

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

The morning seems brighter now than it had been for months. Anar is shining down upon Kyungsoo's sleeping face and it wakes him up. He groans miserably, wishing for a little more sleep but it isn't possible when their guests should be arriving soon. He has to prepare despite lethargy pulling him back to bed. The chill from yesterday still lingers on his body and he recalls all the admonishments he had received from his parents, his friends, and Málantë.

Because Minseok had kissed him and kissed him and held him. They had barely talked at all. And by the end of the day, he felt as cold as the snow he walked on. His voice had weakly called out Jongdae when he stumbled at the edges of the forest. He felt utterly frail and spent—looked even worse than he felt based on Jongdae's shouting—that his friend carried him to his house again, cursing at his ear. His recovery went down much like it had the first time, only with much, much more scolding.

"I told you to be careful, Kyungsoo," came Málantë's disapproval, eyes instilling fear upon Kyungsoo and those who witnessed it. He wanted to counter that he hadn't been in touch with Minseok's sairina but chose not to voice his argument. It was better to keep silent. His voice would not have cooperated with him anyway.

Baekhyun served him a tirade hotly, at times making him choke on envinyatala being shoved down his throat. "When has this stupid, stubborn, stupid, stupid boy ever listen? Never! How many times have I warned him? Countless! Does he listen? No! The Varya have mercy on me, I might just choke this stubborn fool. Does Helcaran not know what he is doing to Kyungsoo? He should know, shouldn't he? Is this actually something not to worry over? But he feels dead! I hate you, Kyungsoo!"

The amount of threats he got last night are more than he ever had in his life. Jongdae swore to him vehemently, "Kyungsoo, let all the heavenly beings be witnesses to my oath right now. I will lock you up in your room for the rest of your life if I ever have to carry you again on my back like that, pale, cold, and deathly."

Isolation within his room became even scarier when Chanyeol added, "And I will be there to annoy you every chance I get and you will not be able to do anything about it because we will tie you to your bed. You will not be able to shut us up or beat us. There will be no escape." Terrifying, indeed.

His parents are torn once again. They do not know whether it was good that he was the appointed guide so that he will be able to recuperate away from Minseok or it was bad because he might not be able to recuperate at all. Misun said wearily, "All of the hardships we have not experienced when you were little are now coming back to devour us. What ever shall we do with you, Kyungsoo? We seem to be going about this parent and child relationship in a very unruly direction." And his father agreed fervently.

He wants to laugh in fond amusement at what a mess they all must have looked like last night, shouts and grievances echoing in his room. But all of their concern is branded into his mind. It's no laughing matter at all. 

He did not die but it almost felt like it. All of his energy left his body rendering him unable to move or speak. His head still feels dizzy and his heart aches. In spite of these, he indulges himself in reminiscing the thrill of ardent kisses and lingering touches. He could feel heat rising to his cheeks and falling to his gut with the memories of surrender.

It takes immense determination from him to stumble out of bed and stop himself from further indulgence. He will never be able to do anything if he were to continue. Though he has to drag his entire body to change clothes, he persists. He's almost at the door when he remembers the envinyatala left for him on his desk to bring back some energy in his bones. He would have rushed to it had his body not been unbelievably uncooperative. Instead, his feet sweep the floor and his arms feel like they've been tied to stones.

The envinyatala helps, as all that Málantë and Baekhyun have concocted always have. He feels a tad livelier now, rejoicing when he can walk properly. He slips out of the door quietly as Panta still sleeps soundly on his bed. Once outside his room, his mother beckons him to sit down and eat. She and Seokju fuss over him tirelessly during breakfast. He almost complains childishly for them to stop but lets them do as they please instead. He could only imagine how much worry it is to a parent for your child to arrive home like he had last night.

"I must be going. Condo is waiting for me." He finally stand up after putting away his bowl and cup. His parents are about to voice their thoughts when he smiles at them, speaking before they could. "This is for the best. I promise to take it easy."

"Ah, Kyungsoo. Sometimes your promises become inconsequential in the face of what you perceive as obligations of greater importance." Seokju ruffles Kyungsoo's hair with a look of a person resigning to their fate. Misun sighs as she places her head on her husband's shoulder.

She adds to his words, "You grew up to be quite the principled man, hinya. We are proud. We just want you to take care of yourself a little more."

"I will, mother, father. Baekhyun is keeping a keen eye on me so you need not worry more." Kyungsoo lets out a faint laugh. It makes his parents smile and they concede to ushering him out of their home. "I will be back later."

"I will not ask when that later is." Misun shakes her head with a laugh. She and Seokju wave farewell to Kyungsoo with a 'Nai varnuvalyë.'

Inquisitive eyes and excited whispers follow him as he makes his way to Condo's house. He sees her already waiting outside, surrounded by hyperactive children. A few of them see him and run to him, almost tripping over themselves in their excitement. He's attacked by the onslaught of fast queries and exclamations. He laughs, lifting a girl into his arms as she persistently asked. "Well, hello to you all too."

"Carry me too, háno!" They all shout at the same time. Their synchronization makes him laugh some more. And then bickering ensues. He quiets down before raising his voice well above their own and asking them not to fight.

"Now, now. Condo needs me so we can prepare for the guests. Will you all be good children and play somewhere? I promise to join you later." Kyungsoo puts down the girl despite her protests. He pats her head affectionately and smiles at all of them. "I shall even bring Panta along with me."

The children jumped in delight. "Panta!"

"Yes. He is resting right now so he will have a lot of energy to play later. Go on then." He gently pushes them to the irendë and walks to Condo. He greets her a good day before diving right into matters. "Where shall we be leading them today?"

"Around the town. Tomorrow will be the safer parts of Calataurë. Should they wish to visit anywhere else, we shall accompany them starting the day after tomorrow." Condo breathes deeply, straightening her posture. The tiredness that had been clinging onto her disappears. He follows suit, hoping his demeanor turns out the same as hers, strong and regal. She smiles at him, asking, "Shall we sit at the irendë as we wait for them?"

"That will be nice, Condo." Kyungsoo nods, moving aside to let Condo pass by him. He walks a step behind her. However, they don't get to sit down because the excited murmurs raise in volume. They turn around to see a group approaching, led by Jongdae who is grinning a little to wide and speaking a little too loud. Kyungsoo shakes his head at the sight of his friend. Jongdae's habits with regard to travelers has not changed at all.

"Condo! Kyungsoo!" Jongdae waves at the guides, although seeming one himself already. Those behind him stop in their tracks as he continues to advance to his friend and their leader. Condo seems to think the same as Kyungsoo because the latter sees her raising an eyebrow—something he wishes to do but refrains from doing.

"You seem to already be well-acquainted with our guests. I am guessing you have already given them a little tour yourself." Condo's voice is accusing but her smile is reassuring. Jongdae shows some contriteness, grin narrowing to a sheepish smile. "It is fine. Do you wish to introduce them to us?"

Kyungsoo's attention turns to the group of 5 people far behind Jongdae. His friend urges them to come forward and their faces become clearer with each step. Two women and three men, he notes. Both women had their tawny hair pinned up their heads in intricate braids fashioned with jewelry and had soft smiles on their thin lips. The one with fair skin has green eyes. The one with brown skin has hazel ones. Kyungsoo thinks if they were a shade lighter, then he would have believed they were the same color as Anar. They are both as exquisite as outsiders always seem to be and look to be brimming with excitement.

The three men stand upright and close to the women, almost as if acting as their shield. Kyungsoo finds it both impressive and amusing. His mother had always told him that while she could very well protect herself, sometimes having his father be protective over her is endearing. Although he could clearly remember a handful of times she had been rather cross about it, exclaiming, 'I can handle myself fine!'

The shortest of the five has a weary demeanor, green eyes flitting back and forth. Kyungsoo's surprised to notice that the man is even shorter than him and he's rather on the short side—though he doesn't admit it at all. He finds it funny to think the blond, fair-skinned traveler is as apprehensive as the townsfolk. Though it seems the man isn't as curious to know about the town as the townsfolk are curious to know about the more interesting parts of the land. He keeps his smile pleasant.

The tawny-haired and brown-skinned man holding onto his woman counterpart's hand looks a bit more enthusiastic. Kyungsoo guesses they're a couple from the same town, out on a vacation after their marriage. The couples they've had as guests usually were. The man whispers something to the woman's ear that makes her smile wider. Kyungsoo is reminded of his parents again and the sight makes him a little more of a romantic in thinking.

The tallest of them all, though not as tall as their giant Chanyeol, seems to be the most excited. In terms of looks, the man could easily fit in the town with his dark brown hair and eyes. Except that he has brown skin much like his two other companions and no one in Lossëirin has that shade. Kyungsoo couldn't understand his fascination to the man when the other four have more intriguing appearances. He thinks it might be the youthful grin and the seemingly sleepy but fiery eyes—looking intensely at him—or the man may simply be attractive to him.

Jongdae introduces them in the order that Kyungsoo noticed each one. "Condo, Kyungsoo, these lovely people are Dahee heri, Hyemi heri, Woojin heru, Hanjae heru, and Jongin heru. Hyemi heri and Hanjae heru are from Hyellirin. Dahee heri, Woojin heru, and Jongin heru are from Endëmar. There are two others, Eunmi heri and Sungja heri, who are currently tending to their roccor (horses). Everyone, this is Condo, leader of our town and of the roilië. And this is Kyungsoo, my dear friend and the town's favorite."

Kyungsoo's eyes widen immensely at his introduction and he punches Jongdae's arm as his friend laughs loudly. He hisses, equally enraged and embarrassed, "Jongdae!"

Everyone's laughter douses his temper considerably and he flushes in even more embarrassment, fist coming down to his side. Condo's hand pats his shoulder in a comforting manner. It doesn't really produce the desired effect. His eyes find themselves looking at the attractive man, Jongin, who is smiling warmly at him. He blinks, debating for a quick moment on what to do, before returning the smile shyly.

"It is a great pleasure to meet all of you. Welcome to Lossëirin! We hope you enjoy your stay." Condo's words bring Kyungsoo's mind back to everyone else. He smiles a bit wider to look more welcoming.

"Yes. We do hope so, herir ar herur. And as your guides, it is our priority to make you feel as comfortable as possible. Please do not hesitate to share with us any troubles you encounter or any places you wish to visit." Kyungsoo looks each traveler in the eye, trying his best to convey his sincerity. He decidedly ignores Jongdae who still looks quite amused and satisfied with himself.

Jongin catches Kyungsoo's eye again, smile broad. "We look forward to our time here, Kyungsoo heru."

It surprises Kyungsoo when he hears Jongin's voice and immediately thinks of how calming the sound is. There is something in its quality—its lulling lowness or its steady tempo perhaps—that makes him imagine listening to it all day and all night long. He reels his thoughts back to the present as Condo speaks again, "Lossëirin has no inn so you will all be staying in my home. Would you like to leave your things in there and eat some snacks before we show you the rest of the town?"

"Yes, please. These souvenirs from all over the land can be quite heavy on one's back." Woojin complains, voice gruff. The women snicker at his attitude, commenting on how he's only acting that way since he hasn't lifted much of anything in his life. Woojin grumbles childishly even more after the words.

Condo steers the conversation away from what Kyungsoo perceives as the potential start of bickering, "Follow me then please, herir ar herur." She turns around to where she and Kyungsoo had been and begins to walk. Everyone starts to walk as well. "I have prepared five rooms as you have indicated in your letter. All are located at the second floor. They each have a closet and a desk. There is a bathroom at both ends of the hallway."

"Here in Lossëirin, we still gather water at the irendë and each family gets their needed amount from the large crocks you can see over there." Kyungsoo points to the four large crocks at the corners currently being filled. "If you are in need of more water than is available within Condo's home, those are where you may take more. Please do not expect either Condo or I to do it for you. We are your guides and nothing more."

The astonished faces do not go by unnoticed, Woojin's more disgruntled than any other of the travelers. Kyungsoo supposes Woojin truly lived a comfortable life as Dahee's and Hyemi's earlier words suggested. He looks over to Jongin and jumps slightly when he sees the other already next to him in the short amount of time he contemplated on Woojin. Jongin laughs softly at him and he scowls a bit in turn. Jongin's lips stretch to a grin, playful and cheery.

 

"Nothing more? Not even friends, Kyungsoo heru?"

Before Kyungsoo can reply, Jongdae is at his other side, arm around his shoulder with a more playful grin. "I am sure Kyungsoo would love to be your friend, Jongin heru. Everyone knows he is in desperate need of more friends with his very charming personality and oh so lovely threats."

"Jongdae, shut your mouth before I make you." Kyungsoo whispers, tone frightening. Jongin must have heard him because there's another round of laughter. This time it's louder and he sees Jongin's body shaking from the force of it. His anger melts into fascination at the sight. He notices the others looking at them curiously and turns his head back to the front just as they arrive in front of Condo's house.

Condo faces them all with a smile. "Welcome to my home, herir ar herur. We shall wait for your two other companions here."

Everyone files in, the travelers loud with their obvious interest in the interiors of the home. The receiving room is spacious with two stone enclosures on either side, silver fires burning brightly within, and with several pillars supporting the second floor. The wooden screens of the windows are opened, Anar's light making the room bright. They could see the second floor rooms from where they are. Kyungsoo feels pride swell as he watches the travelers' eyes shine in admiration despite this not being his own home.

Condo stands beside the staircase across them, "Your rooms are upstairs. There are 8 doors. As I have said, the bathrooms are at the ends. Once you climb up, the door immediately to your left will be the unused room. Though should you ever need it, I will clean it for use."

"Thank you very much, Condo." Hanjae bows his head and the others follow. Kyungsoo catches Condo's approving gaze before her eyes land on the person next to him.

"Jongdae, I believe you still have duties to attend until lunch." Her eyebrow raises and Kyungsoo holds back his laughter as Jongdae's expression quickly shifts to fluster and chagrin. "You may join us once you are done."

"Yes!" Jongdae pumps his fist into the air. Kyungsoo could only shake his head at his friend's stupid look. The excited cundo bows to everyone as he bids his farewell. "I will return later."

Kyungsoo mutters, his lips twitching to smile. "Do not, please."

"You say that but I know in your heart you want me with you, Kyungsoo. You are terribly boring without us." Jongdae's grin disappears quickly behind the door before Kyungsoo has any chance of exacting his revenge. Hanjae, Hyemi, and Dahee laugh.

"Jongdae heru seems to like getting on your nerves, Kyungsoo heru." Dahee says good-naturedly. The others nod in agreement.

The sigh that escapes Kyungsoo's lips is exasperated but fond. "That he does. Along with my two other friends. I have accepted that they like to be beaten up frequently."

"You don't seem like a violent person." Woojin comments with a raised eyebrow. Kyungsoo concludes he doesn't quite like Woojin, not with that judgmental demeanor. Woojin isn't even one to talk, Kyungsoo thinks, with his even shorter stature.

Nonetheless, Kyungsoo smiles. "Appearances can be very misleading, Woojin heru."

Condo laughs as she walks over to where Kyungsoo stands. He could see the same indignation in her eyes as he feels. Her hand squeezes his shoulder. "That saying holds a lot of truth for Kyungsoo. He is our most skilled roilië and would be the next Condo if only he does not refuse me so vehemently."

"Really?" Hyemi asks, eyes looking Kyungsoo over. "Why do you refuse?"

"I have my reasons, Hyemi heri." Kyungsoo maintains his smile despite the ache in his heart. His thoughts begin to drift into darker memories he had carefully put aside. He consoles himself by recalling Minseok. And yet his heart still aches. He supposes it is either from longing or too much affection held for the other. "Are your bags not heavy? I think it is best for all of you to place them in your rooms and rest. Condo and I will be down here to wait for your companions."

Condo continues his speech with a smile, her hand dropping to her side. "We shall resume the tour after lunch. The town will be livelier then and even more so later in the night."

The travelers said their thanks before moving to the stairs. Jongin lags behind, staying near Kyungsoo. The latter looks back confusedly. "Are you not joining them, Jongin heru?"

"I will. But I wanted to apologize first if my companions have offended you in any way." Jongin bows to Kyungsoo. "I'm deeply sorry."

The confusion in Kyungsoo's expression becomes more pronounced. He didn't think he was obvious at all in his displeasure earlier. And it confuses him how Endëmar's way of contracting words sounds agreeable when done by Jongin. It takes Jongin peering up at him with an expectant face for him to remember he has not replied. He stumbles a bit on his words, "I-That is-It is fine, Jongin heru."

"I'm glad." Jongin stands upright with a bright smile. "I'll put my bag in my room and quickly return."

"You-" Kyungsoo doesn't get to finish his sentence, his listener not quite listening at all and dashing to the stairs in hurried steps.

Condo chuckles from beside him. "He seems to be quite taken with you. Your charm is as compelling as ever."

The supposed compliment only makes him blanch. He will never be fine with such words. However, Condo telling him Jongin seems to be as interested in him as he is in Jongin does delight him. There's something about Jongin—he really doesn't know what—that makes him feel like he actively wants to become close with Jongin.

"And you seem just as taken with him. My, Kyungsoo, someone has finally caught your eye." Kyungsoo knows Condo is teasing him. She gets this way at times, lowering her guard down enough to joke and tease with the other roilië. "Am I to expect a wedding between you?"

Kyungsoo chokes, coughing violently and thumping his chest with his fist. He rasps in reproach, "Condo."

She isn't fazed at all. "In all my years, Kyungsoo—and 35 is a considerable number of years—everything starts with that look."

"What look?" To say that Kyungsoo is flabbergasted may even be putting it mildly. His hands itch to touch his face as if to assess what look it is Condo is talking about.

Her face scrunches a bit in contemplation. "I am not quite sure how to put it. But you both just have that look in your faces—in your eyes. Actually, I distinctly remember your parents having that look as well. And where are they now? Married! Quite happily."

The pleased smile on her face does nothing to ease Kyungsoo's troubles. What look, he continues to aggravate over in his mind. He gives her a displeased frown to which she simply waves dismissively and ushers him to sit on one of the chairs near the fire. "I do not know what you are talking about at all, Condo. Besides, I have sworn myself to Helcaran."

"Swearing yourself to a god does not mean you are not allowed to marry someone, to love someone." Condo seems taken aback. Her voice belies that this should be something Kyungsoo already understands. "What in the benevolence of Isil are you thinking in that mind of yours, Kyungsoo?"

"I..." He falters in his answer. He couldn't very well tell her all of the things that have happened between him and Minseok. "I simply wish to devote all of my time to Helcaran. I do not wish to be wed."

Condo places her elbow on the arm of her chair and rests her chin on her palm. "Well, I cannot begrudge you of that decision. I have devoted all of my time to this town and am not wed myself."

Silence befalls upon them. Kyungsoo could only nod and then stare at the fire. He could feel his lethargy coming back to him as he sits by idly. It doesn't take long before the sound of a door opening resounds. Kyungsoo looks up in time to see Jongin face his way, the door already closed. Jongin's eyes find his and the other smiles at him with a small wave. He watches as Jongin goes down the stairs and walks up to them.

"Jongin heru, please sit." Condo motions the chair beside Kyungsoo's own. Kyungsoo throws a betrayed look at her. She shrugs in response. It makes him want to pull his hair out of his scalp in mild rage. He composes himself, however, and nods when he sees Jongin waiting for his permission. He couldn't find it in himself to refuse when Jongin has been well-mannered and kind to him. Condo stands up as Jongin sits down, "Let me prepare some tea for us."

"Thank you very much, Condo." Jongin bows his head slightly in gratitude before turning to Kyungsoo. "You seem tired, Kyungsoo heru."

Kyungsoo hums in acknowledgement as his eyes shift from Condo, who is already walking to the other side of the room, to Jongin. "Tired?"

"Yes. Are you sure you still wish to accompany us later? You might want to rest instead." Jongin's brows furrow in concern. "We'll be fine."

"I am fine, Jongin heru. It was just very chilly last night that I could not sleep well." Kyungsoo smiles, leaning back on his chair. "I will be fine after tea and lunch. How about you? Your journey from Lissirin must have been tiresome. You should be the one resting."

Jongin follows his suit, leaning back, but still maintains eye contact with him. There's an amused smile on those full lips. "That sort of travel is nothing. We've already been all over the land."

There is a pause, a moment of Kyungsoo hesitating, before he replies. "Do you mind if I ask what the other towns look like? And Endëmar as well. You live there, do you not?"

Jongin's whole demeanor softens at the request and Kyungsoo thinks Jongin is very handsome looking like that, smiling so kindly at him. Somehow, he feels serene sitting beside Jongin like this. He doesn't feel as withdrawn as he usually would be around most. Instead, there's a feeling of ease and, strangely enough, familiarity. That must be it, he thinks. That must be what is so intriguing about Jongin - the way he could elicit such thoughts and feelings from Kyungsoo.

"I do not mind at all, Kyungsoo heru. Where would you like me to start?" Jongin's voice is even gentler than before. There's a hint of laughter as he continues, "Though I must say I'm not very good with words."

"I shall be the judge of that." Kyungsoo smiles back, lips stretched wide. He feels his heart jump when Jongin leans over on the chair's arm and moves to sit comfortably while turned to him. His heart settles down like a stone dropped on water, ripples moving throughout underneath his skin.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, Kyungsoo heru." Jongin's use of Endëmar's speech almost confuses Kyungsoo but he quickly catches up. And Jongin begins his tales, "Endëmar is vibrant and boisterous. Its people brim with life and energy."

Kyungsoo couldn't hold back his snort. Jongin is a liar. He raises an eyebrow at the grinning man and then shakes his head with his lips tugging up. "You silly liar."

"Oh, I don’t lie, Kyungsoo heru. If you're to compare me to the bards of Endëmar and of other towns, I'm surely nothing. My way with words would be considered rather elementary and lackluster." Jongin shrugs nonchalantly.

It comes almost unconsciously to Kyungsoo when he too moves on his chair to face Jongin more comfortably. His smile still hasn't died down. "I think your way with words is remarkable and amusing. But what are bards, Jongin heru?"

Jongin's eyes widen and a gasp escapes him. "You don't know what a bard is?"

"No," comes the answer softly, embarrassed. Kyungsoo's eyes look somewhere else other than Jongin and his teeth bite on his lip.

"Do not take offense in my surprise, Kyungsoo heru. That is my fault for assuming things I shouldn't. I am truly sorry." Jongin's fingertips are hesitant with their slightest touch on Kyungsoo's skin. Kyungsoo could even feel them tremble against the back of his hand. 

The heat of Jongin's meek touch warms him from head to toe. It causes his cold body to crave that heat. He almost takes Jongin's hand in his own but before he could, his hand is already in Jongin's. "You're awfully cold, Kyungsoo heru. You haven't been kidding when you said it was cold last night. Do you need a blanket or anything?"

"No. I-" Kyungsoo's eyes land on their joined hands. It feels good. "I am fine. Condo is already preparing tea."

"Are you sure? I do not mind getting my blanket from the room." Jongin squeezes Kyungsoo's hand for emphasis and it has the other blinking a few times at him. "Kyungsoo heru?"

Kyungsoo blinks a few more times before gathering his senses. He realizes he really likes Jongin holding his hand. It's like a blanket on its own. He knows it's inappropriate to allow the thoughtful gesture to continue longer than is proper. But he could not bring himself to pull away. Not yet when his need to be close to the warmth still drowns him. "Yes. I am quite sure, Jongin heru. There really is no need to trouble yourself."

"Al-" Jongin isn't able to finish his reply as a knock echoes to the otherwise silent home. They both look to the door. Kyungsoo looks at Condo after. She motions for him to stay where he is. Both men watch as she walks to the door and opens it to reveal Joowon with two women hand in hand behind him.

Joowon bows to Condo before introducing the women. "Condo, these are Eunmi heri and Sungja heri. They are the last of our guests. Their roccor have been left with the mámar. Eunmi heri, Sungja heri, this is Condo. She is the leader of Lossëirin."

"I see. Good. Welcome to my home, Eunmi heri, Sungja heri. Your companions are already inside. Most are in their rooms." Condo smiles at them before turning her attention to the cundo. "You may go now, Joowon. Thank you."

"You are most welcome." Joowon turns, eyes catching Kyungsoo's watching ones. He nods to Kyungsoo and then to Jongin before leaving.

"Ah, Jongin. You're such a charmer. You've already caught yourself someone! This is your best record yet." The woman with blue eyes and black hair laughs at her own comment and it makes the others look at Kyungsoo and Jongin. The other woman with brown eyes and blonde hair laughs along while Condo smiles, pointedly looking at their hands.

Kyungsoo watches with rapt attention as Jongin's cheeks become colored with a red hue. Jongin's lips tug down to a frown and Kyungsoo thinks the other looks adorable. Yet Jongin doesn't let go even if Kyungsoo thinks that might have been the better option. "Sungja, why must you say such things? I'm holding Kyungsoo heru's hand because he's cold. And you speak as if I'm a man of no virtue."

"I know you to be a virtuous man, Jongin. I don't doubt that. You simply tend to attract a lot of people everywhere. And I fail to see how that's a counterargument." Sungja rolls her eyes. "Rather than disproving my assumptions, you've simply made me believe there is something more between the two of you."

Eunmi shrugs with a suggestive glint in her eyes. "I can't argue with that. You've been caught in the act, Jongin."

Jongin's face scrunches in distaste and Kyungsoo finds his mind rather perplexing when the thought of how adorable the sight is comes to surface. He tries to focus his thoughts on the conversation at hand, Jongin's voice leading him back. "We both know the reason you're agreeing, Eunmi, is because you and Sungja are lovers. And not because my reason has no merit."

"We can go on and on about this, Jongin, but we're tired. Let's all agree that there's something between you and..." Sungja looks expectantly at Kyungsoo.

"Kyungsoo. My name is Kyungsoo and I will be assisting Condo as your guide." Kyungsoo bows his head and smiles. Sungja and Eunmi remind him of his own friends, teasing and slightly rambunctious. He likes them despite their assumptions about the nature of his and Jongin's joined hands. "Jongin heru is telling the truth. There is nothing between us."

"You're very cute, Kyungsoo heru. But a terrible liar." Sungja giggles. She faces Condo, already dropping the topic and having the last say. "Thank you for letting us stay here, Condo. Will it be a bother if we ask to be led to our room?"

Condo smiles and turns around to face the stairs. "Not at all. Let us see which room had been left vacant by your companions."

Only the sound of footsteps and hushed conversation between Eunmi and Sungja fill the house as Kyungsoo and Jongin sit in shocked silence. Kyungsoo turns to Jongin as the three women are halfway to the second floor. "May I be frank with you, Jongin heru?"

Jongin startles and looks back at Kyungsoo, response hesitant. "Yes?"

"I do not like Sungja heri and Eunmi heri in the exact same way I do not like my friends." Kyungsoo confesses seriously. It doesn't disturb him when Jongin stares intently at him for a long moment before laughing, body once again shaking with the infectious sound. He smiles.

"If that's how you give compliments, then it'll be very amusing to hear your words when you have a lover." Jongin takes deep breaths to calm himself, leaning back against his chair. The action causes Kyungsoo's arm to twist in an uncomfortable way and to jerk. Jongin immediately remedies the situation by adjusting the hold until their joined hands lay in the space between their chairs.

This time, it's Kyungsoo who stares at Jongin, wondering for what reason the other still hasn't let go. Yet also knowing that he himself doesn't mind it and he wouldn't be the one to move away. He doesn't speak until Jongin is staring back at him as well. He frowns, "Did you insult me, Jongin heru?"

"Not at all! That was my own version of a compliment." Jongin grins, demeanor playful. And even that is infectious as Kyungsoo finds himself smiling again.

"Well, I feel quite sorry for your future lover then. Not only do you have a twisted way of giving compliments, you are also forgetful."

Jongin is taken aback. "Forgetful? How so?"

Kyungsoo could feel himself becoming warmer the longer his hand is enclosed in Jongin's. It makes him feel like he's being cured. "You still have not finished telling me about Endëmar."

"We were interrupted." Jongin points out before clearing his throat. "Well then, let me continue. Right in the middle of the lively city of Endëmar is the palace. Which is possibly even wider than Lossëirin. Its walls are red as blood and sturdier than any other material in the land. It's truly a sight to behold even for Endëlië..."

As Jongin continues to speak in a voice that is serene and at the same time animated, Kyungsoo finds himself closing his eyes and imagining everything. Jongin's graphic words making it easier for him. It's beautiful in his mind. He could picture the great city shimmering and standing out in the snow covered ground. Soon, he becomes unaware of Jongin's voice slowly fading in his mind as he slips into a peaceful slumber.

The only thing he notices is Jongin never letting go of his hand.

 

Kyungsoo stares fondly at the scene before him. It's afternoon already and they have finished giving Jongin and the others the tour around town. Jongin is now with the children, recounting tales of epic adventures. The little ones are completely enraptured with Jongin's words. He finds it funny how Panta seems to be as well as the cua continues to perch comfortably on Jongin's shoulder.

He is reminded of himself who had been just as comfortable in Jongin's presence as his cua. During his slumber, he hadn't noticed Jongin scooting their chairs closer and letting his head rest on the warm shoulder. When he awoke, he had no idea what to do or to say, completely mortified and self-conscious. But Jongin smiled at him reassuringly, squeezing his hand. From across them, Condo raised an eyebrow at him, challenging in its own way as her eyes pointedly look at their hands. He managed to thank Jongin without stuttering.

"It's fine, Kyungsoo heru. I'm happy to help you in any way I can."

It must be the sincerity in Jongin's words and actions that make them special compared to all those who have offered him aid, excluding his parents and his friends. And yet still there is something different with Jongin among everyone else. Something he is still unable to figure out even after spending most of the afternoon thinking about it at the back of his mind. Now, he watches as Jongin captivates the children while their other guests are frolicking elsewhere. He's reminded that despite the unspoken and subtle presumptions the townsfolk have of outsiders, there are good people out there.

"You like Jongin heru." Baekhyun's voice comes from behind Kyungsoo. The latter turns around to see all three of his friends approaching.

Kyungsoo glares at Baekhyun. "I do not like him. At least not in the way you are implying."

Chanyeol gasps dramatically. "Baekhyun! You forgot he already has Helcaran."

"Oh my," Baekhyun follows Chanyeol's actions. "What is our Kyungsoo to do now that two have stolen his precious heart? Who shall he choose?"

"You guys are idiots." Kyungsoo promptly throws snowballs at the two. Jongdae sits beside him safely for a brief moment before being smashed on the face with snow. He watches, satisfied, as his friends sputter in indignation. "Serves you all right."

"What did I do?" Jongdae whines, wiping the snow off his eyes. "I did not even say anything."

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at his friend until Jongdae is whining 'What?'. He shakes his head and replies, "I bear grudges, Jongdae. I have not forgotten what happened this morning."

"Oh." Jongdae has the audacity to laugh straight at Kyungsoo's face. "I apologize, Kyungsoo. Were you trying to impress Jongin heru?"

All of the teasing reaches the point where Kyungsoo screams in irritation, eyes threatening and hands slowly curling into fists. It's enough of a sign for the three to run for their lives. And run they did laughing their heads off even with Kyungsoo hot on their trail. A few times, Kyungsoo pauses enough to gather snow and throw it at any of the three. Eight out of ten times he successfully hits his targets.

The worst thing his friends could possibly do in their situation, they did. He watches in horror as they skid over to the children and behind Jongin. All eyes are on him as he stands rigidly, like a caught vorcelva. Jongin is smiling at him, eyes shining with amusement. His eyes stray to the three behind the kind traveler and narrow dangerously at their snickering. The children laugh and giggle, some of them running to him and clutching at his pants.

"Kyungsoo háno! Were you playing? May we join you? Please!"

Baekhyun quips from behind Jongin, "You may! Jongin heru will join as well! He and Kyungsoo will chase after all of us."

"Run everyone!" Chanyeol shouts and leads everyone running all over the irendë. Even Panta flies away and above the excited children. Jongdae joins in the shouting, "They are out to get us! Aaaaaah!"

The two who are left standing stare at each other in mild confusion. Jongin chuckles and Kyungsoo couldn't help but chuckle himself. What a situation they found themselves in. Jongin's lips tug up on one side. "You have very amusing friends."

Kyungsoo snorts with a slight roll of eyes. "That is one way of putting it. Another would be that I have stupid and crazy friends."

"But you love them. It's quite evident." There are shouts of children from the background, chiding them to run already. "Well, it seems we’re in high demand. Will you join me in rounding up the children?"

"As long as you help me tie up my friends and bury them in the snow." Kyungsoo lets his gaze wonder over to his laughing friends. They would not be laughing in a while. Jongin's laugh and hand on his shoulder startles him out of his revenge plots.

The air between them seems warm to Kyungsoo as Jongin's laughter dies down and Jongin looks at him in the eye. "Deal, Kyungsoo heru."

They share a smile before they're running around the irendë, catching the children in their arms. Kyungsoo doesn't notice the smiles of the townsfolk as he shouts, 'Got you!' when he lifts a little boy from hiding. He and Jongin finally manage to find all the children and gather them back to where they were all previously listening to Jongin. One of the parents comes up and ushers the children to ready themselves for Alta Ocombë. That leaves only Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Chanyeol.

"So, are we going to look for your friends?" Jongin asks, slightly out of breath like Kyungsoo.

"Let us leave them be. They will turn up later. And then I will have my revenge." Kyungsoo sits down and beckons Jongin to do the same. He jumps slightly when he turns to see Jongin staring at him. "What is it, Jongin heru?"

"You are very interesting." Jongin tilts his head to the side, seeming to ponder something difficult. Kyungsoo finds out what it is when Jongin speaks again. He doesn't know whether he wishes to not have heard it. "How is it you can look endearing while talking about revenge?"

The comment completely blindsides Kyungsoo, leaving him speechless. He gapes at Jongin who looks very serious with the question. He scrunches his face in confusion. "What?"

"See. Even now you look endearing." Jongin's tone is accusing but there's a smile on his lips. "How is that, Kyungsoo heru?"

"Are you… are you wooing me right now, Jongin heru?" Kyungsoo's eyes are wide in disbelief. He doesn't know what emotion to feel at the moment. Disturbed by how fast Jongin is going? Flattered by the attention Jongin is giving? Confused by what he should answer Jongin with?

The color of Jongin's cheeks become red. He speaks in a fast manner, "What? No. That isn't my intention at all. Not that you aren't worthy of being wooed. But no. That isn't..." His demeanor turns shy, "I was merely complimenting you, Kyungsoo heru."

Kyungsoo stares and stares at Jongin, trying to figure him out. It takes a while before he pulls his thoughts away from the constant 'Jongin is adorable' murmuring. "You have a very strange way of complimenting people, Jongin heru. I understand now why Sungja heri said that many people become attracted to you. Your way with words is not limited to storytelling."

If possible, Jongin gets even more bashful. His fingers run through his hair, hand resting at the back of his neck. "I have no ill intentions. And I don't dally with anyone, if that's what you think. As I've said, I'm a man of virtue."

"Yes. I do remember you saying that and I do not question its validity. You do seem like a virtuous man." Kyungsoo relaxes his tense shoulder, smiling at Jongin. "Maybe a bit silver-tongued."

Jongin's brows knit together. "I'm not quite sure if calling me silver-tongued is not a subtle insult coming from you."

"Take it as you see fit." Kyungsoo grins, moving his gaze away from Jongin and to the preparations for Alta Ocombë. Panta swoops onto his legs after being fed by the townsfolk. "Hello there."

Panta takes one look at Kyungsoo and then Jongin before moving to Jongin's lap. Kyungsoo couldn't help the surprise showing on his face and the tinge of betrayal in his voice, "Panta!"

"Your cua seems to like me better." Kyungsoo's eyes meet Jongin's cheeky grin. "Panta has good sense."

Kyungsoo stares at Panta again who only cocks its head to Jongin as if telling its keeper, 'I choose him.' He ignores Jongin's astonished question of whether he's actually silently communicating with his cua. It even comes to a point where Panta coos at him and stares back vehemently seemingly telling him something he couldn't understand. He belatedly answers Jongin, "I am. Sort of. I do not know what Panta is trying to tell me right now."

Jongin lets out a short laugh. "Wow. You...you're really something, Kyungsoo heru. I didn't think you had an affinity with vorcelvar."

"Do I not seem like such a person?" Kyungsoo gives up trying to reason with Panta by then and looks at Jongin.

"Not at first glance, no. However, seeing you with the children, it isn't as surprising." Jongin smiles and there's something again in his gaze that Kyungsoo can't describe in words, only that it makes him feel good and warm. "You have a most beautiful heart."

Kyungsoo despairs in his mind the way Jongin could elicit such strong emotions in him. He wants to hide his face in his hands and scream. And he mourns, truly, because the heaviness on his hands makes itself felt. He forces himself to smile amiably, "I do not, Jongin heru. I truly do not."

Something in Jongin's expression changes. A saturnine air about him that dissipates back into another sweet smile, hand holding Kyungsoo's own once more. "You don't see it. But that doesn't mean it's untrue. Does its existence only become valid by your belief in it or can others' belief in it prove its validity?"

The unexpected question renders Kyungsoo speechless. He could only stare at Jongin in a mix of confusion, wonder, and amazement. His mind could not come up with an answer. No one in Lossëirin has engaged in such conversations. He himself has not thought so much of these things. "I..."

"Ponder on it. Tell me your answer when you've found it. In the meantime," Jongin lets go of Kyungsoo's hand and sits more comfortably, laughter evident in his eyes, as he teases, "I shall impress you with tales that you weren't able to hear since you fell asleep earlier."

Kyungsoo feels this morning's embarrassment double. He chuckles at himself and Jongin's teasing. Calm finds him again and he adjusts himself for the sure to be enchanting tales. He smirks playfully, "Try not to sound so boring then, Jongin heru."

With the challenge set, Jongin grins. And he doesn't disappoint at all. Kyungsoo finds himself excited and happy with each word spoken. He only belatedly realizes that he's drawn close to Jongin as time passes. And he's severely saddened when they had to put the storytelling on hold for Alta Ocombë because Jongin is fun and refreshing. The bright side is that he did exact his revenge on his friends and got to introduce Jongin to his parents. Misun and Seokju welcome and converse with Jongin earnestly.

Jongin stays by his side despite the other's companions staying with Condo.

 

For the next three days, Kyungsoo and Jongin spend their time together. Mostly with Condo, Jongin's companions, and Kyungsoo's friends, all of who never fail to hint at their closeness. Kyungsoo could not even escape from it when he is with his parents. They, at first, had been slightly wary regarding a possible relationship Kyungsoo may have with Jongin other than that of a guide and a traveler. Now, they're subtly urging him to be closer to Jongin and he thoroughly blames his persuasive friends.

Truthfully, he hasn't forgotten Minseok or his guilt. But Jongin makes him feel alive and content. When they're together, absolution is no longer such a consuming impossibility. He feels the weight become lighter. Maybe its Jongin's earnestness in his compliments that slowly makes Kyungsoo believe in them, especially during the cold nights filled with lonesome distress. It's a different kind of sincerity from his parents and his friends.

Yet, maybe it's because Jongin isn't related to any of what has happened to him and to Lossëirin. And the feeling is not that of absolution but of escape. Here is someone who would not be able to judge him because they did not know. Here is someone who makes him feel like he's leading a new life devoid of his perceived transgressions. The high chance of this being the truth devastates him.

"Kyungsoo," Jongin's voice cuts through his thoughts. Somewhere in the second day of their meeting, they agreed to drop the honorific and consider themselves close acquaintances if not friends. "You seem troubled."

Kyungsoo smiles, playing with Panta's feathers as his cua sleeps on his lap. "It is nothing, Jongin. I am not troubled."

"I've told you time and again, Kyungsoo heru. You're a terrible liar." Sungja says from across them. Kyungsoo, Jongin, Eunmi, and Sungja are all sitting at the irendë after visiting Poitala in the morning and eating their packed lunch there. The four other travelers opted to rest from their journey to Híduinë yesterday. Eunmi and Jongin nod in agreement.

"Well then, it is not something you need to be concerned over." Kyungsoo scowls, his lower lip jutting slightly. In the time he has been with these three, they became people he considered acceptable enough to bear his more childish attitude. Predictably enough, Eunmi and Sungja coo over his expression.

At the corner of his eyes, he could see Jongin staring intently at him. He wonders what Jongin sees. His thoughts drift to the mirror hidden in his room. Is the reflection he sees in it the same as the image Jongin sees while looking at him? The same black hair, round eyes, fair skin, and full lips? The same sullen eyes and down-turned lips? He wonders what Jongin is thinking.

"You seem troubled as well, Jongin," he comments, facing the other in time to catch the exasperated expression on the beautiful face.

"Because you are. We're friends, Kyungsoo, and that means you can rely on me." Jongin looks intently at Kyungsoo, serious and hopeful. Time ticks by in silence. Eunmi lets out a sound of defeat before pulling Sungja away. Kyungsoo wonders why Eunmi seems to think he would tell Jongin now that she and Sungja are out of hearing range. "It also means I care for you."

Hearing those words from Jongin makes Kyungsoo feel like being wrapped in a blanket and sat by the fire. It makes him want to tell Jongin of his guilt and of the hearts he has taken. But he stays put and banishes those thoughts from his mind. Instead, he replies, "Even if I tell you, Jongin, there is truly, honestly, nothing you can do."

Another moment of silence passes between them before Kyungsoo picks up the conversation. "You had asked me, the first day we met, if existence is only made valid by the concerned person's belief in it. Particularly mine, at the time. I may have my answer now."

Jongin straightens from his dejected posture. "Yes?"

Kyungsoo couldn't help but smile a bit at the action. He clears his throat to stall for a bit. His confidence is feigned and all he could really feel inside is a tumult of nerves. “Well... that is to say… I find myself thinking that indeed existence becomes valid through the person's belief in it. It does not matter if it exists for others. If it does not for that person, then that is the truth for them. Beliefs and perceptions differ all the time due to individual experiences."

"So then, if I say that you are beautiful, that you have a beautiful heart..." Jongin's expression is solemn, waiting for Kyungsoo's continuation.

"Then that is your truth, not mine. And we can continue living despite that difference." It looks to Kyungsoo that Jongin is disappointed in his answer. But then the latter smiles at him. It's small but a smile nonetheless. His relief is short-lived.

"If that is how we are living, then we are merely co-existing in tolerance. There's no love, Kyungsoo. No emotion. We live in disguised apathy." Jongin sighs and it looks to Kyungsoo like there is a burden upon Jongin's shoulders that he has not noticed until then. "I've told you all about the magnificent things in Endëmar. Now, let me tell you about its ugliness."

Kyungsoo is rendered speechless as reality comes knocking in. It's true that he has only heard good things about Endëmar and the rest of the land from Jongin's tales. And he had been content with that, with the wonderful images he imagined. However, he failed to remember that there are bad things occurring in those places. He realizes that he had clung onto those paradisaical imaginations as an escape from the horrors of his mind and his own reality.

In his silence, Jongin begins to repaint his images. Problems pour onto his pretty canvas. Some of which he already heard of. Too many people in the limited space of the city. Too many children orphaned. Hunger spreading. Thievery becoming evident. The royal family slowly unable to fulfill their duties. Selfishness residing in people's hearts. Apathy clinging onto each person. He shares a mournful gaze with Jongin.

"That is the effect of letting only your truths be valid to yourself and being unable to compromise or to hear others out or to believe in another person's truth. Everyone's truth is only their own suffering. Prosperity is impossible to those who keep themselves shut." Jongin reaches out to place a hand over Kyungsoo's own before moving both to lay atop Kyungsoo's chest.

"I do not know the cause of your suffering and grief, Kyungsoo. But do not let it cage you or blind you or misguide you. I see a beautiful person in front of me who needs to believe a little more in his own beauty and strength. I've been told your brightness has dulled, Ancalima."

Kyungsoo's eyes grow wide—perhaps the widest in his entire life. He's stupefied to hear his childhood nickname leave Jongin's lips. His heart had been clenching painfully with each uttered word until it dropped upon hearing 'Ancalima'. It's absolutely embarrassing and he could feel mortification paint his cheeks and leave his mouth hanging. He knows his friends are the culprits behind this and they will pay dearly. The warm yet regretful smile on Jongin's lips, however, bring his thoughts back to the conversation.

"I...I have never been bright, Jongin, or beautiful." Kyungsoo meets Jongin's sincerity with his own. He feels Jongin clutch his hand tighter and it feels like Jongin is holding his heart as well.

"You are. You truly are both." Jongin takes a deep breath and it has Kyungsoo waiting in anticipation. "May I call you Ancalima, Kyungsoo? And in turn, I will let you call me Almië."

Once more, Kyungsoo is surprised by Jongin. He leans forward, interest piqued. "Almië? Is that what they called you?"

Jongin looks thoroughly embarrassed and Kyungsoo understands. Blessedness. The nickname must have cause Jongin distress as much as Ancalima has for Kyungsoo. Jongin nods, "Yes." A momentary pause flies by. "I want us to call each other those so we are reminded of the truths we cannot see for ourselves."

The hinted confession not only shocks Kyungsoo but pains him as well. So this is the other side of Jongin. It's sad to think of the possibility that Jongin would think so little of himself when he is so beautiful and all sorts of wonderful in Kyungsoo's eyes. Then it dawns on him. This is how Jongin feels about him and his denials. This is what Jongin is talking about. And he wants deeply for Jongin to believe. To do that, he must also be open to believe.

"Okay. Okay, Almië."

 

In the early morning of the sixth day, Kyungsoo ventures out to the clearing where Minseok resides. It's been too long since they have last seen each other and Minseok must be lonely. He strides into Calataurë with purpose. The forest is alive with the sounds of the vorcelvar. The familiarity brings him some peace. However, the deeper he goes, the more silent it gets. The air becomes colder and thinner. He becomes worried and hurries his pace.

When he arrives at the clearing, there is a thick blanket of snow on the ground and floating snowflakes in the air. He could barely see Minseok's silhouette. "Minseok?"

A path opens for him and at the end he finds Minseok sitting as he usually does. He trudges over, trying to speed up but unable to do so. He eventually arrives in front of Minseok and quickly kneels down. "I am sorry it has taken me so long to visit even just for a short time. I did not want to risk any suspicion."

"Is it really that or have you found another owner of your heart, ninya Kyungsoo?" Minseok's icy tone makes Kyungsoo's head snap up. He sees loneliness and anger on the pale face and he blanches.

"No one! No one has my heart but you, Minseok." He's pained that Minseok would think so little of his fidelity. "I will never stray from you."

His face is touched by a cold palm. He shivers, Minseok's skin feeling colder than he last remembers. The anger fades and leaves only loneliness. "I know you will never do that."

They share a long kiss. Kyungsoo doesn't complain about the ache on his neck because of his position. He tries to convey his earnest feelings into the kiss. He gasps as Minseok pushes him back to lie on the snow. But the chill doesn't worry him. Instead, he embraces it as he does Minseok. He lets hands run through his hair and caress each part of his body exposed. Surely, Minseok has been lonely.

Kyungsoo returns to the town breathing deeply and shivering. Jongdae is already there waiting for him with a frown. "This is exactly why I am apprehensive about you meeting Helcaran. You always end up like this. Take care of yourself more, Kyungsoo."

The well-deserved scolding goes on until they reach his home. His parents are already up and eating breakfast. They fret once they see his state but he assures them he's fine. Although Jongdae professes otherwise and promptly leaves him on his chair to find Baekhyun and Chanyeol. He drinks the tea his father hands him as he waits for his friends. When they arrive, he's surprised to see Jongin behind them.

"I heard that you were sick." Concern is evident in Jongin's eyes and voice. Kyungsoo watches mutely as Jongin walks to him and wraps him in a cosy blanket. "This is made with the thickest fleece in the land."

It's very warm. He snuggles deeper into the blanket, sighing contentedly. "Is this yours, Almië?"

"Yes." Jongin kneels down in front of Kyungsoo and places his hands onto Kyungsoo's lap. He looks up into Kyungsoo's eyes. "And I am happy to lend it to you, Ancalima, if it means you will feel better sooner."

"Thank you, Almië." Kyungsoo smiles. His hand reaches out of the blanket to cover Jongin's. "You are a blessing."

Baekhyun clears his throat from beside Kyungsoo. "I honestly hate to interrupt this very lovely moment between both of you but you have to drink this, Kyungsoo."

While Kyungsoo drinks the envinyatala, Misun and Seokju usher his friends and Jongin to sit down on the chairs they brought out. Everyone makes sure Jongin sits beside him, their chairs having no space in between. He stops the sigh and roll of his eyes. His body begins to feel warmer as he finishes drinking. Jongin takes the flask from him and hands it to Baekhyun. He sees Chanyeol and Jongdae reenacting what happened between him and Jongin earlier. He hisses at them to stop despite the antics coaxing laughter from his parents.

Despite the flush on Jongin's cheek, he whispers to Kyungsoo. "You could sleep on my shoulder. You look like you need the rest."

The fatigue that always accompanies the coldness makes the decision easier for Kyungsoo. He smiles at Jongin, whispering his thanks. His head rests on Jongin's shoulder and his body turns slightly to face Jongin. He ignores the excited whispers that turn into amiable talk. 

There is only the warmth on his cheek and his torso. And Jongin's voice laying him gently to sleep. He didn't lie to Minseok when he said his heart belongs only to Minseok. But he couldn't deny that Jongin is special to him despite the limited number of days they've spent together. It already feels like a lifetime.

This feeling only strengthens as Jongin places a hand on the blanket, directly above his own.

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)   



	9. Runya Nertë

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

The time for the guests of Lossëirin to leave eventually comes. It's been a fortnight since they arrived and in that time they've been able to explore Nando Tyeldë as much as they were able with the help of Condo, Kyungsoo, Jongdae, and other roilië. There are many areas of the land that were not explored. They remain untouched by humans and, if the townsfolk were asked, it would remain that way forever. Travelers to Lossëirin have always been more than a little adventurous—the fact that they were in the town already proves that—but thankfully they listened to the boundaries set.

Kyungsoo watches as the seven guests come down the stairs of Condo's home. Sungja runs to him and embraces him. He's startled at the suddenness and could only pat her back awkwardly. A few moments later, Eunmi is hugging him from behind. He wonders if being this affectionate is common to people in Tarwirin or if it's only these two. His eyes catch Jongin snickering near them and he narrows his eyes. Jongin isn't fazed at all.

"Visit us, Kyungsoo heru!" Sungja urges as she lets him go. Eunmi follows and he can breathe better now. "Promise you'll travel and see us."

“Uh... I will try?" Kyungsoo hesitantly answers. Truthfully, he has no plans to travel but if it's to Sungja and Eunmi's home, then he might consider it. He's glad to see both of them smile upon his words.

The others, except for Jongin, all come up to him and thank him. Hanjae and Woojin nod their head while Dahee and Hyemi pat his shoulders. He walks everyone out into the irendë where Condo and Jongdae are waiting for them. He could only escort them up to here. To see Jongin walk further and further away will wound his heart. He turns his head slightly to look at Jongin who is walking beside him. He tries to memorize as much of the beautiful face as he could.

Jongin is beyond special to his heart now. In the moments they were by each other's side, he was shown a whole new perspective on life and on various other things. He feels relatively like a new person or, at the least, a person with a fresh mind. As their conversations progressed more into topics that often only istyari are concerned with, he felt himself become more mature in his thinking. They had even talked about guilt and Jongin provided him with valuable insight.

"Guilt, whether originating from others or yourself, is counterproductive to life. To allow yourself to only exist in the machinations of guilt is to die. However, recovery differs from person to person. You have to figure out on your own what it is you need in order to let go. I believe in you, Ancalima."

It's discouraging to admit that he has yet to figure it out—how to lessen his guilt. Especially now that Jongin is leaving. He had done his best to ignore how much Jongin has become essential in his life. He believes he would not be able to withstand Jongin's departure if he accepts the truth. He's living only on borrowed time with Jongin. Despite all his efforts, he remains unsuccessful.

He reaches out to hold Jongin's hand. And they both stop in their places as the others gather towards Condo and Jongdae. "Almië. Jongin."

"Moica Ancalima," Jongin calls back— 'gentle Ancalima'. Kyungsoo laughs softly at the silly, modified nickname. He has learned to accept without complaints Jongin's numerous compliments. "What is it?"

"Nai varnuvalyë. Nai valinuvalyë." He covers Jongin's hand with both of his and looks up sincerely into Jongin's eyes. 'May you be safe. May you be happy.' He knows his smile isn't as cheerful as he wants.

Jongin is silent for a long while, staring fervidly. It makes Kyungsoo a little nervous to be under the gaze. But a smile soon shows. "I will be."

There's something cryptic in the words and mischievous in Jongin's eyes. But Kyungsoo doesn't have the time to ponder on it. He's dragged by Jongin to the others. His feet almost tangle themselves in the process. Jongdae grins at him when they get there. Sorrow crawls from his hands to his heart as Jongin lets go. But confusion bombards his mind when Jongin is rounded into a huge group hug. He's about to ask Jongdae but his friend shakes his head with that scheming grin.

"Namárië, Jongin."

The two words being uttered by everyone in Jongin's company sparks Kyungsoo's interest and hope. He clenches his hands into tight fists, trying to stop from hoping. But they're patting Jongin's back and saying words like 'Visit us, please.' Hope grows in his heart out of the wounds. They're bidding Jongin farewell. That must mean something. That must mean what he presumes it does.

When Jongin moves away from the group, he returns to Kyungsoo's side with a grin. Kyungsoo stares wide-eyed. "Jongin?"

"Lossëirin caught me with its charms." Jongin's response receives a harsh cough from Jongdae. But Kyungsoo doesn't pay any heed to his friend. All he wants right now is confirmation. Jongin shakes his head with an amused smile before looking at Kyungsoo in the eye, "I will be staying longer."

Hearing Jongin say those five words is enough for Kyungsoo to let go of his restraint and to embrace Jongin. He breathes out a relieved sigh. Despondency melts away as Jongin embraces him back. The thrilled shout of 'Yes' brings back his reason and he stiffens in Jongin's arms. He eases away and flusters over his sudden action. He could hear Jongdae snickering and he reminds himself to punch his friend later.

“I... I am glad you will be staying longer, Jongin." Kyungsoo is mortified but nonetheless smiles brightly at Jongin. His mortification isn't because of hugging the other, he realizes. It's because he did it in front of people— nosy people. "But why are you carrying your bag then?"

"You would have thought something was going on if I didn't." Jongin shrugs, playful grin in place. "I wanted to surprise you."

Kyungsoo shakes his head with a sigh. "Well, you certainly did, you silly roqueni."

They see the departing travelers to the edge of town, the roccor already waiting there. Jongin sports an accomplished expression the entire way. Kyungsoo elbows him once they could no longer see the distant figures. But Jongin maintains his grin. It's infectious. Kyungsoo finds himself smiling wide as well. He could feel blithe for a little longer. He could feel like himself until Jongin leaves.

Or until life catches up to him again.

 

The very next morning, it does. Condo calls him over for tea and he leaves Jongin with Panta at the irendë. He knows the conversation is serious. Rarely does Condo ever invite him for tea unless they would be talking regarding decisions in the town. He chances a look back at Jongin before he goes through Condo's door. Jongin smiles and motions for him to go. He waves and disappears from the other's view.

"Take a seat, Kyungsoo. I will try to make this quick so you may go back to Jongin." Condo is already seated with a cup of tea in her hands. He shuffles over to the seat across her and takes the cup waiting for him.

"Is something wrong, Condo?" At Kyungsoo's question, she sighs. His brows knit together in worry. His voice comes out in a hesitant whisper. "Is this about Jongin finding out about the sacrifices?"

"That is a part of what we need to discuss." Condo takes a sip of her tea before addressing the issue. "In less than a fortnight, we will need to make another sacrifice. And we must be discreet about it should Jongin heru still be here. Helcaran has expressed he is expecting a heart whatever the circumstances are."

Kyungsoo's grip on his cup is tight. His nightmares are at the door step. "Helcaran said that? What should we do, Condo?"

She takes another sip of her tea. "He did when I talked to him yesterday. He has left the matter to us. And I am thinking we should stage it so that it will seem as if Byungwoo dies naturally."

"Byungwoo heru? He is next?" Tears gather in Kyungsoo's eyes. He could never stop himself when it comes to knowing who is to be sacrificed and when it is time. The aftermath is already a given. Guilt and grief draw out his tears.

A grave sigh leaves Condo's lips as she nods. "Yes. He is. We shall tell Jongin heru that Byungwoo is already turning sixty."

"Do we have to lie to him, Condo? Can we not tell him the truth?" Kyungsoo looks down and watches the tea make little splashes as he twirls the cup slowly. "I am sure he will understand."

"That is impossible, Kyungsoo." Condo's voice is edged. She takes a breath. "Helcaran has impressed upon me that Jongin must never know he is here."

Kyungsoo bites his lip and nods. "I understand. I will do my best."

"Good. Please take Jongin somewhere else this afternoon. I will make an announcement and he must not be here." Condo places her cup down, signalling the end of their discussion. "Ah. Also, Helcaran is expecting you two days from now."

Kyungsoo's heart clenches in anticipation. In the three times he visited Minseok while the guests were here, they spent their time kissing. He assumes Minseok may have a possessive nature. "Okay. I shall be on my way then."

The tea is left untouched, sitting once again on the small table. Kyungsoo puts aside the heavy burden on his shoulders as he steps out into the irendë. He doesn't want Jongin to worry and to pry into what he is feeling sorrow over. Instead he smiles and leads them to the Coa Parmaron to spend the morning there. Chanyeol comes up to them during lunch and the three of them meet Jongdae and Baekhyun.

During lunch, Chanyeol announces he will quit being a quettelië and become a lirihér—a bard. They all laugh after but when they realize he's serious, they stop. Baekhyun promptly smacks Chanyeol across the head with a 'Stop jumping into things recklessly!' Their conversation turns into persuading Chanyeol to rethink his decision. Every work they have in Lossëirin benefits the town. Being a lirihér doesn't.

Jongin who has mostly kept quiet during the whole affair speaks up when they all get to staring at Chanyeol. "Being a lirihér is also useful in a town. Lirihéri provide entertainment to people. I'm sure the children would love to listen to Chanyeol. In the past, I listened to lirihéri when I was resting."

There is a long silence that passes over them before Kyungsoo decides for everyone. "Chanyeol, think about it some more. Sleep on it. Then tell us again tomorrow what your decision is."

Conversation soon flows smoothly between all of them until they finish lunch and have to go separate ways again. Kyungsoo sees Condo leave her home and he takes it as his cue to go far away with Jongin. He tugs the other along to Calataurë. "Let us walk around for a while."

They trudge on the snow in silence. The cuar take it upon themselves to fill in the gap and sing. The singing might have caught Panta's attention because soon his cua is on Jongin's shoulder, joining in. He sees Jongin smirk at him and he erases it from the handsome face by pinching Jongin's arm. It's his turn to smirk as Jongin nurses the pain. He takes pity and lets his fingers massage the part he had pinched. "You are such a child."

"And you are such a brooder." Jongin quips, fingers prying Kyungsoo's away from his arm. Kyungsoo is about to say something but then Jongin holds his hand tight. "What are you worrying about now?"

"Nothing," comes Kyungsoo's quick reply. "Why would you think that?"

Jongin raises an eyebrow at Kyungsoo before shaking his head. "You have this dull look in your eyes every time you worry, Ancalima. Your eyes aren't happy."

They stop walking and face each other, Panta flying to a nearby branch. Kyungsoo looks directly into Jongin's eyes. "How can you tell, Almië?"

There is no answer that Jongin utters. Instead, careful hands cup Kyungsoo's cheeks and thumbs caress the skin just beneath his eyes. They stay like that for what seems like a long time. And then he could see it. He could see the sorrow and concern in Jongin's eyes. He's entranced by the realization and draws a hand up to caress the skin underneath Jongin's eye as well.

"I can tell because I'm looking at you, Kyungsoo, moica Ancalima." Jongin whispers to him and he could see the fondness in Jongin's eyes while hearing it in Jongin's voice. He swears his heart stopped beating for a moment, stealing his breath away.

Just when his heart starts beating again, Jongin moves closer. The hand on Jongin's cheek falls to his side and he closes his eyes instinctively. He startles when lips press lightly on one of his eyelids but Jongin's hands keep him still. Then, the lips move to his other one, pressing lightly again. He doesn't open his eyes even when he feels Jongin move away.

"I will not impel you to tell me your troubles, Ancalima. But I'm always here should you need an ear or a shoulder. I loathe to see you dim." Jongin begins to caress Kyungsoo's skin again. "Open your eyes, Ancalima. Look at life. Look at its beauty which you are part of. Don’t let your troubles blind you."

When he opens his eyes, he sees Jongin's smiling face. Life's beauty indeed. Then Jongin moves a bit closer again. As he stares into those warm eyes, he sees a reflection of himself in them. He has never been this close to anyone long enough to truly see himself in their eyes. He exhales shakily. "Almië."

Jongin kisses Kyungsoo's forehead then and draws away completely, a flush to his cheeks. "Shall we resume walking?"

Kyungsoo nods and he leads them to the path back to town. He ponders on Jongin's words and actions with each step he takes, especially the kisses. He doesn't know what to think about them. It doesn't necessarily mean Jongin is interested in him, he assures himself. It's simply a means of comforting him or getting the point across. He will have to ask for opinions later though he's scared to. His parents and his friends will only become too excited. He grimaces before realizing something. He turns to Jongin with a solemn expression.

"You should follow your own advice as well from what I have seen in your eyes."

 

Anar beginning to rise in the sky accompanies Kyungsoo's wakening. Today, he is going to meet Minseok. He has already forewarned his friends. They should be ready for him when he comes back. He takes a deep breath after changing his clothes. He's excited to see Minseok again but at the same time he's anxious. They might talk about the sacrifice and he'd rather not. His mind is filled with contradicting thoughts as he leaves his home and walks through the town.

Instinctively, he finds his way to the clearing. Sometimes he muses that his body will always lead him to Minseok. He laughs inwardly at the thought. The clearing is void of any spectacle when he arrives. There is only Minseok on the slab of stone underneath Cálatava. But as he walks to Minseok, there are ice flowers that spring beside him. He smiles, delighted. When he finally kneels down in front of the other, a flower is tucked behind his ear.

"Mára aure, Minseok." He greets pleasantly.

"Mára aure, ninya Kyungsoo." Minseok tilts Kyungsoo's head up, hand remaining on Kyungsoo's cheek. There is a sad smile on the pale lips. "Though I wonder if it is really good. Your heart seems to be not mine any longer."

"What?" Kyungsoo's eyes widen in bewilderment. "Why would you think that, Minseok? It is yours. I am yours."

Minseok's skin is like burning ice on Kyungsoo. "I saw you with Jongin. It does not seem like you are mine."

No thought runs through Kyungsoo's mind. No word comes out of his lips. He knows even without asking which of his interactions with Jongin has Minseok seen. Only one will garner such attitude and sorrow from Minseok. But he could not feel any regret that it happened because Jongin feels just like the blanket made of the thickest fleece.

"I see..." Minseok whispers and begins to move away. Kyungsoo couldn't let that happen so he reaches out to Minseok's face and drags it down to kiss the other. He presses his lips gingerly on freezing ones. He could not bear the icy coldness too long so instead he repeatedly pecks Minseok's lips.

All the while Kyungsoo murmurs, "I am yours."

They continue to kiss like that until Minseok reciprocates and prolongs the kisses. Kyungsoo could feel both of Minseok's hands caressing his neck. He shivers from the touch and jumps when they press tighter as they move inside his tóvacco to clutch tightly on his shoulders. Ragged breaths puff out of his numb lips as Minseok's lips press against his cheek, his jaw, and his neck. He opens his eyes blearily to see Panta flying in circles above Cálatava. The scene is so unusual that he startles away from Minseok.

Never has Panta flown above the clearing since Minseok came. He's noticed that of his cua. It confuses him to see Panta now. And then as if sensing his gaze, Panta flies away and dives back into Calataurë. Minseok's voice brings his mind back. "Ninya Kyungsoo."

"Yes, Minseok?" He manages to croak out. His throat feels numb as well. He could already feel the effects of kissing Minseok coming to him. He hopes his friends are ready.

"I believe you." Minseok's fingers thread through Kyungsoo's hair. "You may go now. Keep the flower."

Kyungsoo doesn't try to speak this time and only nods. His legs tremble as he stands up. Minseok helps him straighten himself. He stumbles a bit in his steps as he walks away. Numb, he thinks. That is Minseok's effect on him. He feels numb. He holds onto the trunks of trees once he enters back into the woods. He tries to bring back some warmth to his body but he could only feel colder and colder.

When a hand pulls him out of the path, he almost screams. But he sees Jongin's face and stops himself in time. He pays no mind to the ice flower on the ground. His relief only lasts a moment as Jongin's petrified expression makes him realize that Jongin must have seen Minseok—must have seen him kissing Minseok. He stutters, "I-Jongin please-That was-"

"Why were you kissing him?" Jongin hisses, petrifaction turning to hostile confusion. "What in all the land made you kiss that _monster_?"

Kyungsoo's brows knit in confusion. "Monster? Why would you call him a monster? He is-"

"He is a monster, Kyungsoo! Why would you ever think otherwise? Why didn't you run away from him?" Jongin's whole demeanor is enraged, from his expression to the tone of his voice. Kyungsoo steps back in shock. He understands neither Jongin's behavior nor words. Minseok isn't a monster. "Don't you see you're in danger?"

"Do not say another word, Jongin!" Kyungsoo's confusion has turned into anger matching Jongin's. "How could you say such things? Is it because you are interested in me? Is that the meaning of your kisses? Because I am sorry but I belong to someone else. And you have no right to call him a monster."

Jongin's grip tightens painfully around Kyungsoo's wrist. "I have every right to do so because he is. You don't seem to know exactly who it is you are dealing with. You are blind, Kyungsoo!"

"I am not blind! I know who he is. He is Helcaran and he likes me. He treasures me. He has not once hurt me like you are doing now." Kyungsoo tugs his right hand harshly but Jongin wouldn't let go. The harsh laughter from Jongin infuriates him and wounds his heart.

"Helcaran! You think that monster is Helcaran? You're truly blind." The disdainful tone in Jongin's voice makes Kyungsoo hurt more. "That monster is not Helcaran. He is Minseok. Fárauca. He is the White Demon who has killed dozens by the age of ten. How could you not know that?"

Stupefaction leaves Kyungsoo paralyzed and staring blankly at Jongin. Those words can't be true. Minseok is good. That is not the same Minseok. Jongin doesn't know what he's talking about. Gradually, he shakes his head. "No. No. Lies. You are telling me lies."

Before Jongin could move or say anything, Kyungsoo pulls out his sicil with his left hand. It's more difficult since he rarely uses his left hand for this but he points it to Jongin nonetheless. His stern voice belies his emotions. "Release me and get away from me."

"No, Kyungsoo. Not until you believe me." Jongin's determination is admirable but so is Kyungsoo's. The latter wavers for a bit before swiftly cutting into the skin on Jongin's arm. It startles Jongin and Kyungsoo's hand is released. Jongin clutches his wounded arm while looking overwhelmingly distressed. “Kyungsoo, please."

Kyungsoo shakes his head while walking backward. With the adrenaline waning, he could feel his body weakening. His legs are trembling stronger now and his head is throbbing. "Stay away from me. Do not feed me your lies. I no longer wish to speak to you or see you."

"Please don't do this, Kyungsoo. _Ancalima._ " Jongin's hostility has faded into desperation. "I'm sorry for hurting you and getting angry but please listen to me. Please believe me. I don't wish to see you die."

"No..." Kyungsoo shakes his head again and again. His legs become tangles and he falls backward. His consciousness is slipping from his grasp. The last thing he sees is Jongin's worried expression. The last thing he feels is being lifted into a warm chest he curls closer to. And the last thing he hears is Jongin's frightened voice.

"I'm so sorry, Ancalima. Please don't die."

 

The next time Kyungsoo opens his eyes, he's in his bedroom alone. His body no longer feels as if it's freezing. He looks outside his window to see that Anar is beginning to set. He's been unconscious for a long time. Hopefully, it's still the same day. He settles deeper into the confines of his blanket, feeling indolent. The memory of his fight with Jongin is still fresh in his mind. It causes him to curl into himself and to think he is too ashamed to face Jongin.

He still could not believe the other's words to be true but he wishes more than anything that the fight had not happened. It pains him to have shouted at Jongin as much as it pains him to have been shouted at by Jongin. Because Jongin was his breath of fresh air. Jongin became someone he could possibly be with if he didn't have Minseok. Jongin looked at him. Jongin looked at the brightness, then looked into the shadows, and finally, looked at everything.

When his heart continues to burn in suffering, he pulls the blanket over his head. He takes deep and shaky breaths. Through the dull pain of his mind, he realizes the familiar scent he's taking in. He uncoils himself, straightening his arms up in the air and raising the blanket. For a long moment, he could only stare at it. It's Jongin's blanket. He remembers being wrapped around it for the first time.

The memory urges him to move his limbs and get out of bed. It's an arduous task but he manages to stand and make it to the door. When he opens it, he is greeted by his parents angered and his friends saddened over something. Jongin is nowhere in sight and it hurts. They all turn their heads to him and the room is filled with fraught silence. Their reticence churns anxiety in him. "What is it?"

"You should be resting, Kyungsoo." Baekhyun stands and walks over to Kyungsoo to wrap an arm around waist. "Come on. Let us get you back to bed."

Kyungsoo fights off Baekhyun's pulling. "No. Tell me what is going in. Where is Jongin? I need to speak with him."

"We will tell you when you get some rest, hinya." Misun's voice is gentle but all Kyungsoo hears is reluctance. Seokju echoes her sentiment, "Please, Kyungsoo."

"No." For the first time in his life, Kyungsoo speaks in a firm, demanding tone towards his parents. "Tell me where Jongin is and I will speak to him. Only then can I rest. _Please._ "

Baekhyun no longer pulls Kyungsoo into his bedroom but assists him to sit down on a chair. Both of Kyungsoo's hands are held each by Chanyeol and Jongdae who sit on either side of him. They look at him with pity in their eyes. He could see pity in all of their eyes. Their pity scares him because it means he will not like what he's going to hear. But he couldn't think of any reason. He simply wants to know where Jongin is. Unless, the other doesn't want to talk to him anymore.

"Hinya, Jongin has left."

That is worse. That brings tears to his eyes and splashes cold water onto his skin. Jongin left him. He wants to be angry. But all he can feel is desolation. It robs him of all his facilities and his tears fall continuously. Jongdae and Chanyeol squeeze his hands while Baekhyun places a hand on his shoulder. Everything has piled up and toppled all over him. All his troubles haunt him now and take away his life.

"It was for the best, Kyungsoo." Seokju cautiously continues the explanation. "He was spouting all these blasphemies about Helcaran and killing Helcaran. Of all things! Killing Helcaran! He had to leave."

His father's words don't make him feel any better. He cries even more. The town banished Jongin. Jongin wants to kill Minseok. He could take nothing of what is happening. His head falls onto Chanyeol's shoulder and he whispers in a broken tone, "Carry me, please."

Back in his bed, Kyungsoo wraps himself tightly with Jongin's blanket. He doesn't know what to think or to feel. All he knows is that it's dark and cold where he is. Nothing helps, not the warm blanket around him or his friends lying on the bed with him. Thoughts of Minseok only lead to thoughts of Jongin and everything is excruciating. He could barely manage to breathe.

A part of himself became lost, falling into torment's void.

 

The days and nights that followed are consumed in time. Kyungsoo is left addled with its longevity atop every worry that filters into his mind. It took him five days before he could bear to see Minseok. But he keeps the matter of Jongin to himself. Minseok doesn't need to know about Jongin and the accusations spoken against him. Although in hindsight, Minseok probably already knows. Yet Kyungsoo will not—cannot let himself—speak ill of Jongin.

Everyone in town is aware of his miseries and try to coax him into seeing Jongin as immoral. They say it will help him feel better about the departure. He keeps silent. His friends and the children are the only ones who keep in mind Jongin's kindness. He spends his days mindless—routinely hunting, eating, visiting, watching, listening. His reprieve comes in the form of Jongin's stories told by the children.

Time spent with Minseok becomes a heartache. He looks at the other and he could only see all the pain he has been through and all of Jongin's condemnations. He pushes himself to remember the good memories and feelings. It works at times. But when it doesn't, he's left angry with himself for being this way when Minseok has been nothing but good to him. He apologizes each and every day. Minseok always answers the same.

"I forgive you, ninya Kyungsoo. Take your time."

He's taken his time. Nothing has gotten better. Time is not his to take, not even to borrow. It's become foreign to him now. He prays each night to Nyérë, the Varya of sorrow, to give him guidance and strength. Whenever he finishes his pleading, Panta will always sing as he snuggles deep into Jongin's blanket. He suspects Nyérë is comforting him through his cua. To which he is thankful. His sleep is not riddled with nightmares.

"You have worked hard." He greets Panta in the mornings with these words. On some days, he doesn't see Panta all day long. But his cua would always come back at night and sing him to sleep.

His parents talk to him about inconsequential things in their moments together. They've learned he didn't appreciate their continuous jabs at Jongin. He engages in their idle conversations and confides his troubles with the upcoming sacrifice to them. But his troubles with Jongin and Minseok are for his friends' ears alone. They do think Jongin is in the wrong. However, unlike the rest, they don't rebuke him callously.

"He was profusely apologizing to you in your sleep. I think that has some merit. Especially since he looked quite shaken up, afraid of losing you."

"If he were not exclaiming irreverence, he could have stayed. I still wonder where he got the idea that Helcaran is a monster. He has quite the imagination, speaking of tall tales about this Fárauca who was once thought of as someone blessed by Helcaran."

"Do not worry too much about him, Kyungsoo. He is a resilient man. He will take care of himself. You, on the other hand, are letting yourself to waste. Come on. Chin up."

Stopping himself from worrying proves to be an impossible task. While he knows that Jongin was sorry for the fight, Jongin doesn't know that he is sorry as well. He is deeply sorry for wounding Jongin, no matter how shallow it had been. He doesn't want Jongin to think badly of him. He wants to prove Minseok's innocence to Jongin. He wants to mend their relationship. Most of all, he wants to go back to the moments when they understood each other and were happy together.

In his worrying, he could not stop repeating the memory of their fight. And doing so inevitably causes him to ponder on Jongin's words. They cast doubts in his mind, fleeting but there. It tears him up. He feels guilty thinking such accusations to have a grain of truth. But Jongin has never lied to him and he trusts Jongin as much as he trusts Minseok. He finds himself beginning to question once again what truth is.

He is questioning a lot of things.

 

The day of Ilasta Anna comes to Kyungsoo like snow showers. One knows they will happen but is caught unaware anyway. Everyone else is excited as they prepare the feast. He slips out of sight and to the edges of the town where the path leading to the rest of the land is. Few times he comes here, mostly hoping to see a glimpse of Jongin, impossible as it is. He could imagine Jongin's retreating back atop his rocco, angry shouts and cruel glares as his farewell. He wishes he could have protected Jongin from that.

"Kyungsoo," Jongdae's voice calls out from behind him. He doesn't turn around and only waits for Jongdae to join him like always. "You should stop coming here."

"My feet have minds of their own." Kyungsoo continues to stare at the empty path. "It is not as if I often go here."

Jongdae sighs. "Indeed. But it is still worrying behavior. You are not letting yourself heal."

"May I be honest with you, Jongdae?" Kyungsoo asks as he turns to look at his friend. He gains a quick assent. "This is nothing compared to the sacrifices. I feel like I am putting all of myself into this confusion to run away from the pain of killing people, people I have grown to care about."

Silence befalls them and Kyungsoo opts to stare once more at the snow covered ground. He had come to that conclusion when he awoke and dread made him unable to breathe. While his problem with Jongin leaves him mindless in sorrow, his tribulation with the sacrifices leaves him completely unable to function. It leaves him wanting to die in their stead. He could even say that parts of him have already died.

"There is little I can do for you in this situation, Kyungsoo." Jongdae finally speaks and Kyungsoo looks at him, feeling all sorts of lost. "I am sorry if I can only be a shoulder to cry on or ears to speak to. I will tell you this. It might be difficult to focus on happiness but there are always things to be happy of. You simply have to find them."

Kyungsoo's eyes look down to his shoes. "I have tried to find them. I have come up with nothing."

"Have you?" Jongdae's question earns Kyungsoo's indignant expression. "Do not look at me like that, Kyungsoo. Tell me honestly if you have done your utmost and have not been led astray by your feelings of guilt and sorrow. Tell me that you did not falter once you faced the first sign of difficulty. Tell me that you do not think you are undeserving."

No words could leave Kyungsoo's lips. He could not defend himself because he had nothing to prove Jongdae wrong. He sighs, head hung low in shame. But his friend would have none of that—never has—and turns him around, chin up. Jongdae gives him a small smile. "How about directing that stubbornness of yours to overcoming those negative feelings?"

Kyungsoo returns the smile. "I will try."

"Oh no. I am having none of that." Jongdae shakes his head. His demeanor is stern now. "You have to promise you will overcome them because I know you can. We all know you can."

"I promise." Kyungsoo would laugh if he hadn't felt like crying at the same time. He's so thankful to his friends. And his parents who are trying their own best.

Jongdae grins and pats his shoulder. "Now, I want to hear no objections from you. Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and I will be with you inside Byungwoo heru's room when the time comes." When Kyungsoo is about to protest, Jongdae hushes him. "No. Objections. We will be there. You cannot handle this alone anymore. Know the limit your heart can take, Kyungsoo."

To this, Kyungsoo concedes again. He lets himself be wrapped in Jongdae's embrace. This time he laughs softly as Jongdae says comments to his ear. "Chanyeol is going to freak out. I wonder if Baekhyun will too. But he has already helped birth babies so he might not."

They spend the time walking around in silence, going back and forth the area between the town and Calataurë. Baekhyun and Chanyeol call them when Byungwoo is ready. Kyungsoo sees his friends share a look and a nod. He knows they will be in there with him and just the thought already eases some of the burden. But he spares his parents. No matter what, he will protect them and their image of him.

"You do not need to keep this from us." Seokju tells his son. "Will you not let us in?"

"I am not shutting my doors at you, father. There is simply no need for you to see this. What I need is for you to be there after, not during." Kyungsoo embraces his father and his mother afterward. "I love you both very much. Help me the way I need you to."

When he enters the room, the atmosphere is lighter than it usually is. Although the task is still burdensome, seeing his friends casually talking with Byungwoo calms him. He sees now what he had needed and denied himself of. Jongdae smiles at him with a quirk of an eyebrow. He mouths, "Thank you."

"Avatyara nillo nwalmalya, heru." Kyungsoo's apology is laden with emotions he could not contain.

Byungwoo smiles all those before him. "Nanyë valin, Ancalima. Nai tuvuvalyë alassë."

He cannot imagine finding joy and being happy, but he tries to keep his tears at bay as he softly whispers, “Anta nin hónlya." He sinks his hand into Byungwoo's chest and takes his heart. The collective gasp rings in his ears as he raises the heart to the surface. The heaviness still makes itself known upon Kyungsoo's hand. He places the heart gingerly onto the platter and holds Byungwoo's hand.

His friends startle as Panta begins to sing from the window. But he's used to his cua now. Instead, he smiles a little for Byungwoo, tries to look at the aged face without his tears falling. Byungwoo's last moments are spent smiling as his friends speak again and make everything feel better. He carries the platter outside, remaining silent as his friends hold him and his parents embrace him.

Jongdae remains by his side as the procession starts. Somewhere between the irendë and the edge of Calataurë, Baekhyun and Chanyeol join them at the end of the line. He smiles at them but continues not to speak. His mind is playing tricks on him again. On and on, Jongin's words linger in between his thoughts. They're taunting him, making his doubts present themselves. But he shakes them away.

Somehow, he gets through Ilasta Anna with his muddled mind. He presents the heart with a heaviness in his own. Minseok smiles at him and he isn't sure afterward if he returned the gesture or not. He keeps close to his parents and his friends all throughout. He watches everything in a blur and smiles only when Minseok looks at him.

At one point, he looks up at the night sky to see whether his cua would fly above them again. But Panta is nowhere once more. There is only Cálatava dancing with the wind and Isil shining bright that night with her children. He hasn't seen her shine so bright during Ilasta Anna in a long time.

His mother's hand holds his own and her voice registers in Kyungsoo's mind only after she's done speaking. "We are going home, hinya."

"Oh. Yes." Kyungsoo stands up and goes to his place. But Minseok calls him as always at the last moment. He walks up to Minseok who is waiting for him at the stone. He reciprocates the kiss he is given. The numbness of his lips makes it hard for him to speak or do much after. Minseok is getting colder.

"Your heart is mine, ninya Kyungsoo." Minseok smiles, caressing Kyungsoo's cheek. His hand travels down the fair throat and over Kyungsoo's white tóvacco, just above Kyungsoo's chest.

Kyungsoo could feel the iciness seep through his clothes and he shudders. He keeps silent as Minseok stares at him with something swimming in those eyes. The lack of warmth spreading through his body make him take in deep breaths. Eventually, Minseok's hand moves away and a last peck to his lips is his farewell. He wills himself to walk steadily even as his feet tremble and his hands shake.

As he almost catches up to the procession already halfway in the journey home, Jongin's words whisper louder in his mind. _White Demon, once thought to be blessed by Helcaran. Fárauca._ The words repeat itself over and over in his head, coupled with a cua’s song that can only be Panta.

He pauses in his steps. He must put to rest his doubt. If he were to clarify things with Minseok, then he would no longer be bothered by Jongin's honesty. He would have proved that, in that moment, Jongin lied. He gathers his resolution and walks back to the clearing. The cuar of the forest sing louder with each step he takes.

The determined steps falter as they draw near the edge. And then Kyungsoo's feet stop altogether. 

There in the clearing is an icy throne, intricate patterns all over. Its side is facing him but he knows its front is majestic. Minseok is sitting down idly. For once, Kyungsoo hears him hum happily. It's an unusual sight indeed. A shocking sight.

The reason for the humming is probably not because Minseok is simply happy. No. It probably isn't because of the beautiful night. No, not at all. It probably isn't because of the wonderful Ilasta Anna earlier. Indeed not. It probably isn't because of Kyungsoo either. Maybe. 

It probably has everything to do with the heart in Minseok's hand—already only half—and the blood on those pale lips.

Everything in Kyungsoo's mind and heart falls to pieces. They break. They shatter. They tear. Kyungsoo could feel himself die even as he takes his breaths. And for a moment, for a blessed moment, he feels nothing. 

It doesn't last long. Betrayal holds onto his feet. Shame clutches his legs and waist. Agony sinks into his chest and spreads to his arms. Fury chokes him and riddles his mind. It is grief—but unlike he has felt before. It is as if his mind has well and truly been broken, because in a split moment, he draws his quinga piliniyë.

Taken by his suffering, he makes a swift decision to kill his deceiver. Now, more than ever, he is thankful that the townsfolk have always remained vigilant in entering Calataurë or he would not have the means to carry out the execution. He breathes in deeply, trying to calm himself. It takes a while but the cuar's singing helps, a strange calmness falling to place. He eyes the unaware figure on the throne, enthusiastically eating Byungwoo's heart.

The head? No. It would kill Minseok instantly. And his arrow might not be able to sink into the skull. But the neck is good. The neck is fleshy. It would be a clear shot. He pulls his pilin and, without any hesitation, releases it. He has never missed since he had been under Condo's tutelage. And he doesn't miss now. It doesn't even take long before Minseok is choking, scream caught in the punctured throat.

Kyungsoo waits until Minseok is writhing on the snowy ground before he walks towards his tormentor. He looks down in palpable contempt, but he feels detached from it all. It is pure instinct fueling him to aim another pilin toward Minseok. "You can kill me but I promise to drag you to death with me."

Minseok's similar look of contempt and wrath is nothing to Kyungsoo now. He will not be deterred. He will avenge all the souls that he has wronged. He will atone for his sins. _White Demon, once thought to be blessed by Helcaran. Fárauca._ "You fooled me. You lied to me. You used me. You made me kill so many innocent lives! And for what? Your horrendous appetite? How dare you!"

In his shouting, something changed in Minseok's eyes and Minseok begins to laugh. It's horrible to hear the croaking and broken sounds. Even as the blood slips past those lips, Minseok attempts to speak. “Never... lied… you… all… your… fault..."

"Lies! You deceived me!"

Unrestrained anger takes over Kyungsoo's mind and directs his actions. He does not realize it until he feels a weakly pulsing muscle in his hands. It is a heart. A black heart. His eyes widen, but he had no remorse left in his own heart. He does not feel anything. 

He watches as Minseok still laughs.

“I… still... win..."

Horror fills him upon hearing Minseok's last words, understanding the truth in them.

 

“ _Ancalima._ ”

Kyungsoo turns around and sees a blessing, but he does not feel it.

 

[](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)

 

A red box lies on top of the slab stone underneath Cálatava. A reminder for the people of Lossëirin. Inside of it is their nightmares and sins. Inside is a black heart.

Flowers are planted at the foot of the waterfall Poitala for all the souls that were lost in their ignorance. A reminder for the people of Lossëirin. 

Guilelessness and obstinacy have their recompense.

 

"Kyungsoo, it is time."

A bone thin man that once smiled brightly looks a hair's breadth away from death. Kyungsoo stands from his kneeling, prayers to the souls hanging upon his lips. 

He turns around to see Jongin, who had surprisingly been there to hold him that fateful night—having been led by Panta to him. The sight of his carer pains him, guilt still eating him even when there is nothing left of him.

It is time to leave. It is time for him to heal. No longer does Lossëirin feel like home. All it is now is a reminder of all his shortcomings and his sins. He lets himself be embraced by his weeping parents and his heartbroken friends for one last time. Each of them kiss his forehead before letting go. He takes Jongin's hand.

It is time to leave tracks in the snow leading away from his once home.

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)  



	10. Afterword

Hello, readers! First and foremost, I would like to congratulate you in actually finishing this boring (and rushed) story. Even I, as the author, was bored of it half the time I wrote it (and the other half was spent panicking). So yes, congratulations! I’m very thankful you chose to read this. As much as I have continually cursed this thrice-damned spawn of satanic plot bunnies, it is my precious baby. I have worked hard on it alongside my dear beta, Ate Addie. So thank you for taking the time and effort to read it.

Second, onto some of the story’s aspects I would like to go over (and some that you might have wondered about while reading):

1\. To make it clear, Minseok is psychopathic. Each course of action he has done was to his own gain and to Kyungsoo’s suffering. He does not love or hold any affection for Kyungsoo. He thought he did but psychopaths are incapable of loving. It was a sense of ownership and of superiority. Kyungsoo’s (and the whole town’s) attitude reinforced and affirmed these feelings in him. But he isn’t the smartest of psychopaths which hopefully showed in his use of simple words. There is a backstory I’m debating on writing.

2\. The excessive touching of Minseok to Kyungsoo was a claim to the latter. He liked seeing Kyungsoo slowly turning pale from the cold that he was transferring into Kyungsoo’s body with the touches. And the act of claiming goes for the gifts as well. He was grooming Kyungsoo towards the same damnation he was in.

3\. If I were not clear, the townsfolk of Lossëirin are gullible and naïve when it comes to religious beliefs which was, of course, their downfall. Yet they are wary of other towns - except for Lissirin - and outsiders. They hold fault in keeping only to their own business and not immersing themselves with occurrences outside of their town. Hence, not knowing of Minseok who has terrorized Endëmar. To some extent, they are egoistic, seeing themselves above other towns who experience unpleasant happenings.

4\. Regarding Jongin’s reappearance in the last part, Panta is the one who led him there. It was not stated but, after leaving Lossëirin, Jongin was on his way to Endëmar to get help. Panta stopped him before he left Lissirin and made him stay in that town. (How? Amazing communication skills. Magic.) When Ilasta Anna came, Panta flew early in the morning so Jongin can arrive by nighttime.

5\. On that note, Panta is an intelligent cua. Panta was aware of what was to unfold as well as all the vorcelvar because Verca had told them. Verca intervened and aided Kyungsoo through Panta. While you may have figured out by now that I chose this name because of ‘Kai’, it holds no weight to the character.

6\. You might be wondering if Helcaran truly exists. She does. Then why did she let this happen to Kyungsoo? Because it has been determined even before the world existed. Helcaran knew that and so did all the other Varya. What is to happen must happen. They can only aid him like they did. The couple who taught him how to take a heart? Cemen (Varya of the earth) and Verca. It was the only way to ensure Minseok would no longer pose a threat to anyone.

Please feel free to leave your comments! I’d love to hear your thoughts and to answer any questions you might still have. I’m also up for any discussions on the story and the universe. (If you have philosophical or sociological discussions in mind, I would be very pleased to engage in them! Although I’m not quite sure if the story evokes such things. Haha!)

Third, I would like to acknowledge the borrowed elements of this story. The language used here is Quenya created by Sir J. R. R. Tolkien. For those unfamiliar to it, it is the High-Elven language in the Tolkien universe different from the Sindarin language spoken in the books and movies. Quenya was barely known to those living outside of the Undying Lands by the time of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Although, Galadriel used it as her cradle-tongue with which she sung Namárië in The Fellowship of the Ring and Aragorn used it to call himself Elessar Telcontar when he was crowned King. It is also used in the famous greeting “Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo. (A star shines upon the hour of our meeting.)”

The method of heart taking is similar to that in the television series Once Upon A Time. Although, in this story, a lirina (spell) is needed and one cannot control the being they have taken the heart from. The body ceases to function within a minute. The soul is indeed within the heart when it is taken.

Fourth, I would like to take this space to thank people. Ate Addie definitely takes the top spot. Again, thank you for accepting to be my beta. I’m a mess without you! Thank you for putting up with me, from my slowness to my whining, and for pushing me to finish. Haha! If it weren’t for you, this might not be here right now and would not be as good as it came out. I swear I cannot thank you enough. I’m sobbing. I’ve caused you trouble yet you stuck by me. I love you. ;;

Thank you as well to K, Ansa, Gem, Julia, and my other companions in Adele’s sprint room (I’m sorry I’m really terrible with remembering names!) for cheering me on. You guys helped keep me going!

Thank you to Adele for hunting me down to sprint and sobbing with me. You helped push me to write a big chunk of the story. Also, thank you for letting me squat in your sprint room. So as a sneaky shout out, I named the 20th birthday celebration in the story as “In Bloom”. Haha! I told you I had a surprise for you.

Another thanks to Ansa and Ren for making this challenge possible. Thank you for being such kind mods and letting me extend my posting date!

Lastly, thank you to Sir J. R. R. Tolkien (Nai nauvalyë senda as Eru.) for being such an inspiration to me and for creating Quenya.

(I'm in the process of compiling a glossary for this, just in case you guys want one. Or something.)  
  
  


Fun Facts:

The title of the story, Tracks in the Snow, is from The Civil Wars’ song of the same name. I wanted to pay homage to the single cover that inspired and started all of this. Yes, this whole universe originated from one simple image. (That probably says a lot about my imagination and my very admirable use of time.)

Ate Addie and I actually baptized this as TITS – because we’re very, very awesome people – and used the nickname in our conversations. Which usually went a little like “I’m working on TITS right now” or something outrageous like “OMG MINSEOK IN TITS” “BUT WHERE IS JONGIN IN TITS” “KYUNGSOO IN TITS IS BEAUTIFUL” when we were joking around. Ahh, tits. (And all the while we were having philosophical and sociological discussions in our letters. THE DISPARITY.)

I actually had half a mind to use the following as my afterword: “Congrats for actually finishing this shit! You get a virtual cookie and an extreme headache. Cause you could have read this as ‘Minseok is a psycho, Kyungsoo is beautiful, and Jongin is fucking late’ and be done with the next 80k words.”

And use the lines “Minseok is a psycho, Kyungsoo is beautiful, and Jongin is fucking late” as the actual summary to this. But I figured I should use a summary that’s inviting and mysterious so you guys get roped in into actually believing this story is more than those three lines. I’m sorry I have fooled you all.

You would think I had a decent playlist that I listen to every time I write this but no. Of course, I listened mostly to The Civil Wars but I’ve also listened to Carly Rae Jepsen’s I Really Like You (repeatedly), Gwen Stefani’s Hollaback Girl, Jessie J’s Do It Like A Dude, Missy Elliott’s Work It, and a few other incompatible songs. In my defense, I needed to wake myself up.

This was supposed to be a 20k fic. And then, I said it might be 30k or 40k. And after that, 70k. Now here we are. Lesson of the story: never trust me in guessing word counts. I mess up a lot.

There was supposed to be 12 chapters plus an epilogue. But I cut it short to 9 chapters due to time constraint. I may or may not write the plans I had for after the ending. We shall see.

I am playing around in my mind about dabbling more into this universe later on. But I make no promises and ‘later on’ means a very long time. I am currently working on another precious baby that some of you might have read already, Tadhana. It’s undergoing major revisions since I have finished designing most of the timeline it’s moving from. For those who also like science fiction, mutants, and dystopian aspects, please stay away from it. Haha!

THANK YOU AGAIN EVERYONE! (Damn I can finally sleep again.)

[ ](http://imgur.com/16KErWR)  



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